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Originally posted by Rsmacker
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I've said it before, and I'll say it again, there is only one true Black Metal band, the band that invented it:
VENOM!!!!!!
What you should remember about Black Metal (the other stuff, not TRUE Black Metal, as played by Venom):
Anyone else who wears Kiss make-up = GAY
Anyone who has keyboards = GAY
Anyone who has a logo you can't fucking read = GAY
Anyone who sounds like they are gargling cum = GAY
Anyone who has a made-up name consisting of random letters thrown together that may, or may not, when pronounced, sound like someone pulling a 24" Anal Intruder out of their dirtbox. Sideways. That = GAY.
Anyone who tortures hamsters and brands a cross on his forehead = GAY
Anyone who used to spend 6 months of the year in the dark bumming their family whilst getting pissed on home-made vodka, before discovering church burning = GAY
Anyone who has sold less then 5,000 records = GAY. That's RECORDS, not tapes, nor CDs burned at home. I mean, they spent money having pressings done in advance, not waited until some post dribbled through to their PO Box (with a scary name like "The Jaws of Hell, 'Death to the Nazarene' Youth Club Hall, Crucifixion St, Brighton) before rattling one off on their computer (oo-er). = GAY
Anyone who has posed for photos in a deserted wood in winter = GAY
Anyone who just likes BM because it upsets their parents = Repressed GAY.
Erm, do Possessed count? Bathory?
VENOM!!!!!!
What you should remember about Black Metal (the other stuff, not TRUE Black Metal, as played by Venom):
Anyone else who wears Kiss make-up = GAY
Anyone who has keyboards = GAY
Anyone who has a logo you can't fucking read = GAY
Anyone who sounds like they are gargling cum = GAY
Anyone who has a made-up name consisting of random letters thrown together that may, or may not, when pronounced, sound like someone pulling a 24" Anal Intruder out of their dirtbox. Sideways. That = GAY.
Anyone who tortures hamsters and brands a cross on his forehead = GAY
Anyone who used to spend 6 months of the year in the dark bumming their family whilst getting pissed on home-made vodka, before discovering church burning = GAY
Anyone who has sold less then 5,000 records = GAY. That's RECORDS, not tapes, nor CDs burned at home. I mean, they spent money having pressings done in advance, not waited until some post dribbled through to their PO Box (with a scary name like "The Jaws of Hell, 'Death to the Nazarene' Youth Club Hall, Crucifixion St, Brighton) before rattling one off on their computer (oo-er). = GAY
Anyone who has posed for photos in a deserted wood in winter = GAY
Anyone who just likes BM because it upsets their parents = Repressed GAY.
Erm, do Possessed count? Bathory?
Batlord? Wot?
), Marduk, Immortal, Dark Funeral, 1349, Rotting Christ, Dissection, Enslaved (although they shy away from the term black metal to describe themselves...for our intents and purposes), Melechesh, Belphegor, and Gorgoroth (just got Ad Majorem Sathanas Gloriam. 
Killer!). 
Ever listen to the Marduk album La Grande Danse Macabre (or anything else between Those of the Unlight and World Funeral)? B War was incredible--in-your-face, dynamic, almost American death metal-like bass...and it rips!
Children of bodom.... Cradle of filth crank it! Live it! Bleed it!
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