Originally posted by Rsmacker
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I've said it before, and I'll say it again, there is only one true Black Metal band, the band that invented it:
VENOM!!!!!!
What you should remember about Black Metal (the other stuff, not TRUE Black Metal, as played by Venom):
Anyone else who wears Kiss make-up = GAY
Anyone who has keyboards = GAY
Anyone who has a logo you can't fucking read = GAY
Anyone who sounds like they are gargling cum = GAY
Anyone who has a made-up name consisting of random letters thrown together that may, or may not, when pronounced, sound like someone pulling a 24" Anal Intruder out of their dirtbox. Sideways. That = GAY.
Anyone who tortures hamsters and brands a cross on his forehead = GAY
Anyone who used to spend 6 months of the year in the dark bumming their family whilst getting pissed on home-made vodka, before discovering church burning = GAY
Anyone who has sold less then 5,000 records = GAY. That's RECORDS, not tapes, nor CDs burned at home. I mean, they spent money having pressings done in advance, not waited until some post dribbled through to their PO Box (with a scary name like "The Jaws of Hell, 'Death to the Nazarene' Youth Club Hall, Crucifixion St, Brighton) before rattling one off on their computer (oo-er). = GAY
Anyone who has posed for photos in a deserted wood in winter = GAY
Anyone who just likes BM because it upsets their parents = Repressed GAY.
Erm, do Possessed count? Bathory?
VENOM!!!!!!
What you should remember about Black Metal (the other stuff, not TRUE Black Metal, as played by Venom):
Anyone else who wears Kiss make-up = GAY
Anyone who has keyboards = GAY
Anyone who has a logo you can't fucking read = GAY
Anyone who sounds like they are gargling cum = GAY
Anyone who has a made-up name consisting of random letters thrown together that may, or may not, when pronounced, sound like someone pulling a 24" Anal Intruder out of their dirtbox. Sideways. That = GAY.
Anyone who tortures hamsters and brands a cross on his forehead = GAY
Anyone who used to spend 6 months of the year in the dark bumming their family whilst getting pissed on home-made vodka, before discovering church burning = GAY
Anyone who has sold less then 5,000 records = GAY. That's RECORDS, not tapes, nor CDs burned at home. I mean, they spent money having pressings done in advance, not waited until some post dribbled through to their PO Box (with a scary name like "The Jaws of Hell, 'Death to the Nazarene' Youth Club Hall, Crucifixion St, Brighton) before rattling one off on their computer (oo-er). = GAY
Anyone who has posed for photos in a deserted wood in winter = GAY
Anyone who just likes BM because it upsets their parents = Repressed GAY.
Erm, do Possessed count? Bathory?
Batlord? Wot?
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