Black Metal

[SpiralArchitect]

Portal is amazing!

I had a 7 string usa bc rich ironbird for sale and the lead guitar player bought it, he is a very cool guy, the singer used to wear a big black witch hat, now he wears a Cuckoo clock on his head, how fitting!

anyhow I love the band one of my fave's Outre thier new disc is amazing! totally a wall of noise but I get a sick feeling listening to it, so that's cool for me hahah!

Peace

C

[Ben...]

very few BM bands are good live. I'd say, only a handful can pull it off live.

All of the Emperor videos I've seen are really good. They play everything flawlessly and all that.

[VitaminG]

It looks like the Jackson headstock, but I thought they played ESP that why I asked.

it is a bolt-on ESP (in a Kulick finish) with EMGs & a Jackson style headstock. By the time the second album came out he was playing custom Hamers and has ever since.

[Spivonious]

Yes. Their first album at least. The rest of their CDs are kinda... strange... Cool to listen to though. I do believe I mentioned them at the start of this thread.

The only album I've heard the whole way through is The Sham Mirrors, and it's definitely cool to listen to. I hear the guy from Borknagar is their singer now?

[Ben...]

The only album I've heard the whole way through is The Sham Mirrors, and it's definitely cool to listen to. I hear the guy from Borknagar is their singer now?

That's a neat album. I really like that Star-Crossed song. I'm not sure on the singer now.

[Rsmacker]

Cradle of Filth I have no comment on. Never heard them.

Then allow me to comment for you.

They are shit. Absolute shit.

They aren't Black Metal, they are Brown Metal, as in Dog-shit Brown.

Put it this way, imagine 5 ponces making a god-awful racket, who think they are mega-stars, and you'd be on the right track.
In fact, imagine a fairly average band of thirty-something year olds, who can bash out some generic chugga-chugga metal, replete with drummer who plays like the fucking Duracell Bunny on speed. To that band, add some gaylord who is probably called Colin and did Engineering at university, who thinks Dr Phibes was cool, and who listens to Mozart all day, with his overly loud keyboards. Then, finish it off with a complete tosspot who has spent much of his life gazing lovingly at himself in the mirror (yes, he can do that because he is not a fucking vampire, no matter what he thinks), give him a mic and slam his bollocks in a car door. Get them all to play 3 different songs at once, and voila, you have Cradle of Filth.

A true triumph of image over substance that would make Girls Aloud's management proud. A band who became "notorious" not because of their no-nonsense, no-compromise, straight-from-the-Gates-of-Hell Black Metaaaaaal, but because of a fucking t-shirt. Correct, a t-shirt, namely the one that said "Jesus is a Cunt" on the back of it.
Pretty run of the mill standard identikit My Little Heavy Metal Fan clothing for every angry little teenager who wants to shock their parents these days, but back in the day, this was hard-core blasphemy. And someone got nicked for wearing it too. Thus, we were doomed to hear the name of Cradle of Filth in hushed tones by REAL metal fans everywhere, one day they would arrive and smite all false metal.

I admit, I was keen to hear them too, they must be the ultimate, right? I mean, "Jesus is a Cunt", this was ground breaking, they obviously were going to be heavier than a very very heavy thing. It said so in Kerrang.

And then I heard them. What a fucking joke. Like I said above: drrrrrr,drrrrr, dugga dugga, dun dun dunnnnn, drrrr drrrrr, TINKLE TINKLE, Aaaaargh oooooooh, aaaaaaaah. Utter bollocks.

It wasn't the fact that they weren't quite as ultra-heavy, blowing away all before them, no, I was used to disappointment. I mean, when WASP released "Animal....." we were promised the ultimate heavy metal band, something never heard before. Me, 14 yr old, was jizzing myself waiting to hear this "banned" track. Fucking hell, what a let-down, just another heavy metal track with a naughty word in, big deal. I'd also had the "Kiss let down" - sooo many of my heroes ranted on about how Kiss had been the biggest, best, an unstoppable force etc, so I put aside "Ride the Lightning" to listen to some Kiss, eager to be educated. It was like farting and feeling a hot dribble down your leg, what a downer. Incredibly poor, about as heavy as Bros. Shit personified.

So, it wasn't just the let-down, oh no. It was the fact they were held up as some kind of icons, real Metal heroes. They just stink of being middle class ex-student wankers who really should have moved on to become surveyors or fucking librarians, but who managed to gather a following for some completely unknown reason, and can't believe their luck. Yeah, right on, still rebelling and shocking Mummy, Daddy and Uncle Tarquin.

I would rather see the other Black Metal pretenders, those bands of fat blokes with tits wearing Kiss make-up running about the woods than Cradle of fucking Filth.
Everyone knows you must be an ugly bastard with no friends and never had a girlfriend to be a Black Metal vocalist, not a puff with nice hair and just-so make-up, posing with some vacant big-titted bimbos, growling and trying to look scary with your coloured contact lenses. Worse, using a girl's name. That's like some gaymo LA glam band.

Loved by the kind of tosser who thinks "Interview with a Vampire" isn't at all homo-erotic and that by swarming around Whitby and pretending that sunlight will kill them they actually will become real-life Vampires, cos they do exist, honest.

Avoid Cradle of Filth in the same way you avoid women with mushrooms growing out of their quim. Not Metal, not Black. Just shite.

A typical scene in the life of a typical C.O.F fan.

Mummy : "Oh look, here comes Felicity and Quentin, they are into Black Metal now, it's so exciting, they are vampires now. Come over and say hello to uncle Tarquin you two"

Quentin (scowling, "dangerously", ooh, scary) : "Grrrr, Ok Mummy, but we can't stay here too long, we will be killed by sunlight"

Mummy : "Oh, how exciting, aren't they rebellious Tarquin?"

Uncle Tarquin : "Quite. And how is University, Quentin?"

Quentin (tearing pages out of a bible and shaking fist at God) : "Hunnnnh, dunno, I don't go to lectures any more, I am following Cradle of Filth around on tour, and fellating the drum tech. One day I will be able to sniff the dirty shreddies of Sheriii, the lead vampire vocalist. He poses with models whilst wearing pretend vampire teeth, he probably frightens old lady Sunday School teachers and everything, he is like, an Antichrist or something. A vampire one. I love him, don't I Felicity? "

Felicity (cutting herself, but only lightly, perish the thought she scars herself) : "Yes my Dark Lord, and I love women too, because I'm bisexual, all us vampire girls are." (Though I don't go down on any chicks on the rag, I'm not that much of a vampire)

Uncle Tarquin : "Hmmm, how very dangerous and cutting edge of you. Not to worry, if you fail your exams we will get you a nice job in charge of Royal Bank of Scotland". That vocalist was due to get it but he has managed to to prolong the "phase" of rebellion he was going through quite beyond all expectation."

Quentin (putting on his best frilly shirt: "Super! Thanks Uncle Tarquin! Now, Mummy, will you take us into town in the Cayenne, we have run out of black nail polish, and that might delay our acceptance into the ranks of the blood-drinking Undead"

Mummy : "OK, my little Black Metal horror, do you want Mummy to iron your 'Allah Sucks Balls' T-shirt?"

Quentin (combing his hair and adjusting his fucking eye liner. Like some sort of rent boy) : "No thank you Mummy-dear, I might get the living shit kicked out of me, and be dead. Really dead. Forever."



I fucking hate Cradle of Filth.

Remember there is only VENOM.

[markD]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha......

[Ben...]

That is one amazing explanation.

[VitaminG]

I usually use Tristan when telling that story, but Tarquin is much better.

Don't know if you guys have seen The IT Crowd, but one of the characters on there explains how COF changed his life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK-d92J9-uY

[Spivonious]

I always read a classic Rsmacker post and say "there's no way he'll top this one" but then you come along and post that. Hilarious.

[Snoogans]

But Richmond likes them!

Did you ever hear the lamentable version of Hallowed Be Thy Name that they did? Jeez, what a pile of wank....

[SpiralArchitect]

hahahahaha amazing! there are kids around here in the local metal scene that are like that! fuck I'm glad I'm too old to be part of that scene anymore hahaha!

C

[SlaytanicDude]

More blackened death metal, but Impaled Nazarene is cool.

[Special-K]

Check out my black metal band from Slovenia, Mora:
http://www.myspace.com/morabm
You can dowload a live version of a new song from the upcoming EP at last fm:
http://www.last.fm/music/Mora

And check the live video of this song:
(I am the guitarist with the black RR... on the left)
I wrote the lyrics for the song btw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-EWmRwmV6o

[maluco]

ermmm, not sure if black and death metal is the same thing...

but anyways

nile
job for a cowboy
dying fetus
nailbomb

forgive me if i crossed genres... its been a few years : )