Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

[shreddermon]

I happened to score an extra catalog at a local dealer. So, to celebrate the return of the JCF, I'll send it out free to the person who posts the best joke here. Besides, I'm in need of a good chuckle. I'll circle back later today to decide. ...In the meantime: make us laugh, monkeys! [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Number Of The Priest]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

A man walks into a bar... and breaks his nose!!

A dyslexic man walks into a bra... and breaks his nose!!!!

[img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[shreddermon]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

What? ...Everyone's funnybone took the weekend off? [img]graemlins/images/icons/tongue.gif[/img]

[Thoraby]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

My contribution!

One day little Johnny ran up to his Pa and asked "Hey, Pa, how come when the chicken died, it laid on it's back with it's legs in the air?"

Pa, thinking fast, answered "Well, son, you see it did that so it'd be easy for God to reach down and take the chicken by the legs and haul him on up to heaven."

Later that week, when Pa came back from a trip to the feed store, little Johnny ran up to him. "Pa! Pa! Ma almost died today!" exclaimed little Johnny.

"Slow down, son, and tell me what happened." said Pa.

"Well, I was going upstairs to get my baseball glove, and when I walked past your room, Ma was on her back with her legs in the air, just like the chicken! She was yelling 'Oh, I'm coming! I'm coming!' and if it hadn't been for Uncle Steve holding her down, we'd a lost her for sure!"

[Budman68]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

Here's a quickie:
What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
Ya can't hear a vitamin! [img]images/icons/wink.gif[/img]


Dave->

[ August 03, 2003, 03:52 PM: Message edited by: budman68 ]

[shreddermon]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

[img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] Heard that one before, but getting better.

[Baum83]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

A sailor comes back from a long, long voyage, and goes into the first brothel he can find. He goes upstairs to one of the nice ladies and asks her to suck his d!ck. As usual, the lady only has her customers' wellbeing in her mind and she starts sucking... and sucks.. and sucks for ten minutes... for twenty minutes... for thirty minutes... then she asked "Hey pal, how long till your little friend here wakes up and gets hard?", and the sailor answered: "He's not supposed to become hard, baby, he's supposed to be cleaned!"

[Thoraby]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

Contribution nr 2:

"One Day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt.

When the bus arrived, and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach the step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reaches back and unzipps her skirt a little.

She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reaches back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reaches back and unzips her skirt all the way.

Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifts up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrased the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus.

The girl turns around furiously and says, “How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!”

Shocked, the man says, “Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.”

[Thoraby]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

Last contribution:

"An extremely shy and very modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his digestive system upset.

Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided that the latest was another false alarm, so he stayed put in his bed. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What was that all about?" Still staring down at his feet, the drunk replied: "I think I just beat the **** out of a ghost"

[Chuckracer]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

I think Thoraby wins!

[Thoraby]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

Thanx Chuckracer [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img] !

Shreddermon, if these aren't enough, I can post more. I would kill for a Jackson catalog with the Jenna poster [img]graemlins/headbang.gif[/img]

[Baum83]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

Aww come on, think quality - not quantity. Everyone could plaster the whole place with jokes [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[Thoraby]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

Yeah, you got a point Baum... I shall not post any more jokes [img]graemlins/refuse.gif[/img]

[1trussell]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

If it's not too late,

Little Billy asks his Dad one day, "Dad, what does a vagina look like?"

His father looks down at him and says, "Son, before sex, a vagina looks like a soft red rose in full blossom, with a smell that is just as sweet."

Billy thinks for a second and then asks, "Well, then what about after sex?"

His father replies, "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

[Genebaby]

Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

Two of those killed me, but here's one...


Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide.

One says to the other, "Excuse me, but I'm looking for my wife."
"What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate." "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"
"She's tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight ass. What's your wife look like?" "Never mind, let's look for yours