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Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

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  • #16
    Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

    Here's another....


    An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to
    fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four
    people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and
    ask them one question and their answer would determine who would
    get the job.
    The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table
    the interviewer asked "What is the fastest thing you know of?" pointing
    to the man on his right.
    The first man replied "A thought. It pops into your head. There's
    no forewarning that it's on the way, it's just there. A thought is the
    astest thing I know of."
    "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. And now you sir? He
    asked the second man. "Hmm....let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and
    you don't know ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of."
    "Excellent!" said the interviewer "The blink of an eye. That's a very
    popular cliche for speed." as he turned to the third man who was
    contemplating his reply.
    "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the
    wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across
    the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant." Turning on a
    light is the fastest thing I can think of."
    The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought
    he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light." he said.
    Turning to the fourth man, he posed the question.
    "After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me that
    the fastest thing known is diarrhea."


    "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
    "Oh I can explain." said the fourth man. "You see the other day I
    wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom.
    But, before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I had **** my pants!"
    He got the job!

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

      What do you calla blonde with 2 brain cells???

      Pregnant!!!
      I've fallen, Fallen through. If I'm Not With you, All I wanna Do Is Feel blue

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

        And another...

        A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and his mother-in-law. The mother-in-law dies.

        They go to an undertaker who explains that
        they can ship the body home but that it'll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150.

        The guy says, "We'll ship her home."

        The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here." The guy says, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

        [ August 03, 2003, 06:12 PM: Message edited by: Genebaby ]

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

          A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her.

          They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try.

          The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

            You have to pick Travis !!!!!!!!! that is great!!!!!! [img]graemlins/notworthy.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]


            Dave->
            Dave ->

            "would someone answer that damn phone?!?!"

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

              A guy thats drunk is sitting on a park bench and watching this dapper young fellow trying to pick up a lady. The fellow goes to the first chick "tickle your ass with a feather?" The lady responds by saying WHAT and the guy goes "typical nasty weather. Oh she says so sorry and the guy goes to the 2nd lady and says the same. The 2nd lady says WHAT and he says typical nasty weather. He goes to a 3rd chick and says tickle your ass with a feather and she goes OK and they're off. So now the drunk guy gets up off the bench and has a go at it. He walks up to a lady and says "Stick my finger up your ass" and the lady says WHAT and he goes Oh **** its gonna rain.

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

                I'm sorry about the curse word but its not funny without the F word. Its funny when you picture the drunk guy swaggering and talking.No more curses from me sorry admins

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

                  A guy is checking out assisted living facilities in which to place his aged, infirmed mother. As the administrater is giving him a tour of one, he comes upon a man in the hallway on the first floor, his pants around his ankles and he's jerking off. Shocked, the man asks the administrator "What is going on here? Why is that allowed?"

                  "Well you see, he has a condition where his body produces too much sperm and it has to be ejaculated quickly before he goes into a coma and dies."

                  On the third floor, the man sees another patient, his pants around his ankles and a nurse going down on him. Aghast, he demands an explanation.

                  "Well, this gentleman has the same affliction as the man on the first floor, only he has better medical coverage."

                  Ted ~ TC Rocker USA

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

                    After winning his first Masters Tournament, a sexy young woman comes up to him on his way to the clubhouse and whispers in his ear "Every year, I take the winner to my townhouse and make love to him like he's never been made love to before."

                    He follows her, and after the best lovemaking he's ever had, he gets up out of bed.

                    "Where are you going" she asks.

                    I need a shower, I'm spent."

                    "NO, NO you don't. Tiger Woods would jump right back in bed and do it again" So he does. When the second one is over, he gets up out of bed again.

                    "Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

                    "It's late, and there's a party in the clubhouse. I should make an appearance"

                    "NO, NO you don't. Tiger Woods would jump right back in bed and do it again" So he does. When the third one is over, he gets up out of bed again.

                    "Where are you going?" she wants to know

                    "I have to make a phone call" he says

                    "A phone call? who are you going to call that's so important?" she asks

                    "Tiger Woods", he says, "I want to find out what's par for this hole!"


                    Ted ~ TC Rocker USA

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

                      What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom...

                      A pickpocket snatches watches and a peeping tom watches snatches [img]images/icons/tongue.gif[/img]

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

                        There are three kinds of people in this world...

                        Those who can count, and those who can't.

                        -------------------------------------

                        Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

                        --------------------------------------

                        There are only two rules to live by in life:

                        Rule #1) Never tell anybody everything you know.

                        ---------------------------------------


                        Ted ~ TC Rocker USA

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

                          OKAY, last one, I promise (I got a million jokes, but no catalog)

                          A little boy asks his father "Daddy, what's a vagina?"

                          "Well, son, a vagina is a beautiful thing that's between a womans legs. When a husband and wife are in love and want to make a baby, he puts his penis into her vagina and in nine months a baby comes out of it."

                          "Gee, Daddy, I didn't know that. Thanks. Hey Dad, what's a c*nt?"

                          "That's the rest of the b*tch that the vagina is attached to"


                          Ted ~ TC Rocker USA

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

                            I've got to piss like a drunk leprechaun.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

                              Thoraby, email me your mailig addy please...

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Another 2003 Jackson Catalog Giveaway

                                An Italian, an Irishman and a Pollack are about to have lunch at a construction site they're working at.
                                The Italian guy opens his lunch bag and sees a salami sandwich. He says, next time my wife makes me salami for lunch, I'm going to jump off this scaffold and kill myself.
                                The Irish guy opens his lunch and says, the next time my wife makes me cornbeef and cabbage for lunch, I'm going to jump and kill myself.
                                The Polish guys opens his lunch and says, the next time my wife makes me kielbasi for lunch, I'm going to jump and kill myself.

                                Well, the next day at lunchtime, the Italian guy opens his lunch and sees salami... he jumps to his death. The Irish guy sees cornbeef and cabbage and he jumps to his death. The Polish guy opens his lunch and sees kielbasi, he jumps to his death.

                                The three wives of these construction workers get together to grieve. The Italian's wife says, if I knew my husband didn't want salami any more, I wouldn't have made it for him. The Irish guy's wife says, if I knew my husband didn't want cornbeef and cabbage any more, I wouldn't have made it for him. The Polish guy's wife says, I don't know what happened, he made his own lunch.
                                I feel my soul go cold... only the dead are smiling.

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