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Well - FIRST, let me say what a DISTINCT PLEASURE MEETING EVERYONE at the C/J display at NAMM Saturday AM, and having NOW the ABILITY to put FACES with the NAMES...
BUT...a LITTLE TRUE STORY here...
With my FEET feeling like BLOODY HAMBURGER from ALL the WALKIN' I had done on Thursday, Friday and Saturday at the Show, I decided this AM {Sunday} to DISS my evening confirmed seating flight with "AMERICA WORST AIRLINES" for my return to Denver, and to GO AHEAD and fly out STAND-BY on the FIRST FLIGHT outta LAX that would get me home - a 7:00AM early-bird that would get me home in time for the AFC and NFC Playoff Games...When I called America West Saturday evening, I was told it WOULD be POSSIBLE, but to BE AT LAX - BY 5:15AM - so I would be FIRST {or ONE OF the FIRST} on the "STAND-BY LIST", as available seating is on a first-come-first-served basis...
To make a long story SHORT[ER}, Space Tape Dave {whom was GRACIOUS ENOUGH to put me up - YET AGAIN THIS YEAR} came into the bedroom I was bunked in at 6:10AM - stating that HE and Roland from www.rolsguitars.com {our "3rd Muskateer" this year who was ALSO staying at Dave's} had JAMMED WAAAY LATE, and he had OVERSLEPT HIS ALARM by an hour and change - but that we "should HAUL ASS - RIGHT NOW"...I had the foresight of having my bags FULLY PACKED the night before - INCLUDING my TRUSTY, OLD Zero-Halliburton 3-suiter - into which my foam-lined tool caddys - NEATLY and TIGHTLY PACKED with ALL of my LUTHERIE TOOLS - and THESE were nested around my aluminum Zero-Halliburton camera case, which was loaded with my digital camera, 4 Nikon SLRs and scads of lenses, filters, etc. - and JUST to be on the SAFE SIDE, I had 2 nylon security straps tightly cinched and taped around the big outer case - IN THE EVENT that the "American Tourister GORILLAS" that DOUBLE as America Worst baggage handlers decided to DRAG it to the cargo hold on the plane with a golf cart - that it WOULDN'T SPRING OPEN, scattering high-dollar cameras and equipment to the 4 winds...
WELL, EVEN THOUGH Dave BROKE the "Bonneville Flats World Land Speed Record" and the speed of SOUND to the airport, the check-in lines were MURDEROUS, and a red-jacketed airline supervisor informed me that the 7:00 was NOW OVERBOOKED, and my BEST BET was to CHECK MY BAGS and catch the 9:44 flight - I had NO OTHER CHOICE at that time...
Well, as is CUSTOMARY when checking bags for stand-by, INSTEAD of just being tagged and put on the conveyor belt, the airlines and/or the TSA {the NEW airport security GOONS} - run your baggage through one of their "X-RAY/SNIFFER" machines, which USUALLY look like a CAT-scan machine machines, and get tagged "TSA-Approved" for a later loading into the cargo hold of the flight that has room to accomodate your flying stand-by - pretty MODERN machines {USUALLY}...Well, GOOD OLD America Worst {after coming out of TWO bankrupcy filings} - DOES NOT HAVE the MODERN type of machines - THEIR SCANNERS look like a stainless steel counter out of a restaurant, with an ANTIQUATED gizmo in the middle, covered with flashing lights and meters - resembling the "MAD SCIENTIST" equipment from a '40s Boris Karloff/Peter Cushing monster movie, and it spits out little gauze "pads" that are APPEARENTLY MOISTENED with some sort of "nitrate detection fluid", and 2 rubber-gloved FLUNKIES take the pads and rub them over the luggage handles, hasps, edges, etc. - APPEARENTLY to double-check the machine's sniffer to see if any explosives are present...
{and JUST for the RECORD - I have NEVER, EVER SEEN SO MANY POLICE OFFICERS at ANY AIRPORT as I saw at LAX this morning - groups of 3-5 flat-foots walking around, a BUNCH of motorcycle cops - zipping around and writing TICKETS like "Grant took Richmond",other officers with SNIFF DOGS, etc. - We are talking TIGHT, HEIGHTENED SECURITY here - and NOT that THIS is BAD}
WELL...After setting my bag on the monster-movie machine, TSA rubber-gloved FLUNKY # 1 - goes in back, and WITH him are TWO - TSA SUPERVISOR FLUNKIES, and I am asked to come over to the side, which I do...I am informed that MY BAG has FLAGGED AN ALARM, and that THEY are GOING to HAVE to OPEN and INSPECT it...Now, THIS BAG took FOREVER to pack, and was packed like one of those Chinese wooden "Hellraiser" Puzzle-boxes, and I told them - "BE MY GUESTS - BUT..There is a PLETHORA of HIGH-DOLLAR CAMERA EQUIPMENT and TOOLS in there, and that IF they are going to UNPACK IT -to PLEASE BE CAREFUL, and to REPACK it CAREFULLY and so it ALL FITS...I THEN asked the one TSA goof - "Out of CURIOSITY, Sir...WHAT did my bag TEST POSITIVE FOR ??"...to which he replied...
"NITROGLYCERIN !!!!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img]
The "THREE STOOGES" THEN commence to TEARING THROUGH my bag - TRYING to pull camera lenses and disassemble cameras, RIPPING out lining and foam, SWABBING away with the gauze pads, etc, etc, etc, etc...
About 90 MINUTES LATER, when they were SATISFIED that I was NOT "THE UNI-BOMBER", they started CRAMMING GEAR BACK IN, and they WILL NOT ALLOW YOU to TOUCH the bag OR the table - EVEN AFTER they have given it the "ALL CLEAR", and FLUNKY #1 was SMASHING DOWN on the bag - PRACTICALLY JUMPING UP AND DOWN on the bag to CLOSE it, as the OTHER FLUNKIES were scabbing "TSA APPROVED tape" on it in an EFFORT to KEEP IT CLOSED !!!!
TWO HOURS AFTER I ORIGINALLY set the bag down, I had to sign some papers, and was ALLOWED to proceed to the regular airport security, where a MICROSCOPE was JAMMED UP MY ASS, and I BARELY MADE THE FLIGHT !!!!...Upon arriving at my home, I OPENED this CHINESE FIRE DRILL of a re-pack job - ONLY to be GREETED by SMASHED lens hoods and lens cases, hinges and latches torn loose, ripped-out linings, and BROKEN dividers !!!!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif[/img]
NEXT SHOW.....I BELIEVE I'll take A GREYHOUND BUS !!!!!! [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
BUT...a LITTLE TRUE STORY here...
With my FEET feeling like BLOODY HAMBURGER from ALL the WALKIN' I had done on Thursday, Friday and Saturday at the Show, I decided this AM {Sunday} to DISS my evening confirmed seating flight with "AMERICA WORST AIRLINES" for my return to Denver, and to GO AHEAD and fly out STAND-BY on the FIRST FLIGHT outta LAX that would get me home - a 7:00AM early-bird that would get me home in time for the AFC and NFC Playoff Games...When I called America West Saturday evening, I was told it WOULD be POSSIBLE, but to BE AT LAX - BY 5:15AM - so I would be FIRST {or ONE OF the FIRST} on the "STAND-BY LIST", as available seating is on a first-come-first-served basis...
To make a long story SHORT[ER}, Space Tape Dave {whom was GRACIOUS ENOUGH to put me up - YET AGAIN THIS YEAR} came into the bedroom I was bunked in at 6:10AM - stating that HE and Roland from www.rolsguitars.com {our "3rd Muskateer" this year who was ALSO staying at Dave's} had JAMMED WAAAY LATE, and he had OVERSLEPT HIS ALARM by an hour and change - but that we "should HAUL ASS - RIGHT NOW"...I had the foresight of having my bags FULLY PACKED the night before - INCLUDING my TRUSTY, OLD Zero-Halliburton 3-suiter - into which my foam-lined tool caddys - NEATLY and TIGHTLY PACKED with ALL of my LUTHERIE TOOLS - and THESE were nested around my aluminum Zero-Halliburton camera case, which was loaded with my digital camera, 4 Nikon SLRs and scads of lenses, filters, etc. - and JUST to be on the SAFE SIDE, I had 2 nylon security straps tightly cinched and taped around the big outer case - IN THE EVENT that the "American Tourister GORILLAS" that DOUBLE as America Worst baggage handlers decided to DRAG it to the cargo hold on the plane with a golf cart - that it WOULDN'T SPRING OPEN, scattering high-dollar cameras and equipment to the 4 winds...
WELL, EVEN THOUGH Dave BROKE the "Bonneville Flats World Land Speed Record" and the speed of SOUND to the airport, the check-in lines were MURDEROUS, and a red-jacketed airline supervisor informed me that the 7:00 was NOW OVERBOOKED, and my BEST BET was to CHECK MY BAGS and catch the 9:44 flight - I had NO OTHER CHOICE at that time...
Well, as is CUSTOMARY when checking bags for stand-by, INSTEAD of just being tagged and put on the conveyor belt, the airlines and/or the TSA {the NEW airport security GOONS} - run your baggage through one of their "X-RAY/SNIFFER" machines, which USUALLY look like a CAT-scan machine machines, and get tagged "TSA-Approved" for a later loading into the cargo hold of the flight that has room to accomodate your flying stand-by - pretty MODERN machines {USUALLY}...Well, GOOD OLD America Worst {after coming out of TWO bankrupcy filings} - DOES NOT HAVE the MODERN type of machines - THEIR SCANNERS look like a stainless steel counter out of a restaurant, with an ANTIQUATED gizmo in the middle, covered with flashing lights and meters - resembling the "MAD SCIENTIST" equipment from a '40s Boris Karloff/Peter Cushing monster movie, and it spits out little gauze "pads" that are APPEARENTLY MOISTENED with some sort of "nitrate detection fluid", and 2 rubber-gloved FLUNKIES take the pads and rub them over the luggage handles, hasps, edges, etc. - APPEARENTLY to double-check the machine's sniffer to see if any explosives are present...
{and JUST for the RECORD - I have NEVER, EVER SEEN SO MANY POLICE OFFICERS at ANY AIRPORT as I saw at LAX this morning - groups of 3-5 flat-foots walking around, a BUNCH of motorcycle cops - zipping around and writing TICKETS like "Grant took Richmond",other officers with SNIFF DOGS, etc. - We are talking TIGHT, HEIGHTENED SECURITY here - and NOT that THIS is BAD}
WELL...After setting my bag on the monster-movie machine, TSA rubber-gloved FLUNKY # 1 - goes in back, and WITH him are TWO - TSA SUPERVISOR FLUNKIES, and I am asked to come over to the side, which I do...I am informed that MY BAG has FLAGGED AN ALARM, and that THEY are GOING to HAVE to OPEN and INSPECT it...Now, THIS BAG took FOREVER to pack, and was packed like one of those Chinese wooden "Hellraiser" Puzzle-boxes, and I told them - "BE MY GUESTS - BUT..There is a PLETHORA of HIGH-DOLLAR CAMERA EQUIPMENT and TOOLS in there, and that IF they are going to UNPACK IT -to PLEASE BE CAREFUL, and to REPACK it CAREFULLY and so it ALL FITS...I THEN asked the one TSA goof - "Out of CURIOSITY, Sir...WHAT did my bag TEST POSITIVE FOR ??"...to which he replied...
"NITROGLYCERIN !!!!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img]
The "THREE STOOGES" THEN commence to TEARING THROUGH my bag - TRYING to pull camera lenses and disassemble cameras, RIPPING out lining and foam, SWABBING away with the gauze pads, etc, etc, etc, etc...
About 90 MINUTES LATER, when they were SATISFIED that I was NOT "THE UNI-BOMBER", they started CRAMMING GEAR BACK IN, and they WILL NOT ALLOW YOU to TOUCH the bag OR the table - EVEN AFTER they have given it the "ALL CLEAR", and FLUNKY #1 was SMASHING DOWN on the bag - PRACTICALLY JUMPING UP AND DOWN on the bag to CLOSE it, as the OTHER FLUNKIES were scabbing "TSA APPROVED tape" on it in an EFFORT to KEEP IT CLOSED !!!!
TWO HOURS AFTER I ORIGINALLY set the bag down, I had to sign some papers, and was ALLOWED to proceed to the regular airport security, where a MICROSCOPE was JAMMED UP MY ASS, and I BARELY MADE THE FLIGHT !!!!...Upon arriving at my home, I OPENED this CHINESE FIRE DRILL of a re-pack job - ONLY to be GREETED by SMASHED lens hoods and lens cases, hinges and latches torn loose, ripped-out linings, and BROKEN dividers !!!!!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif[/img]
NEXT SHOW.....I BELIEVE I'll take A GREYHOUND BUS !!!!!! [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
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