DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

[86mod5]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

Yeah I've read that before on Harmony Central. It gets better evrytime I read it.

[yabba]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

Rip Glitter's HC reviews are the best; here's his input on the 5150:

Price Paid: N/A
Features: 10
Let get one this straight: the Peavey 5150 is made only for rockers who can handle balls-swallowing METAL ACTION (or AXE-shun). So if you wearing some fucking backwards red baseball cap and thinking you're gonna be the next Korn Against the Bizkit or whatever the fuck you listen to, then you might as well just take that $5,000 Les Paul your uncle gave you and throw it under the tires of whatever pussy-ass sport coupe you're driving, because the 5150 doesn't have TIME for your PUSSY-ASS SHIT!

See, the people at Peavey were smart, because they put like twenty knobs on the 5150. Anyone who knows how to truly rock knows there's only one knobs that matters -- GAIN. That way, when the salesman sees you plugging in the Mexico-made Fender strat or whatever other pussy-ass guitar you pick off the rack, and he sees you start messing with every knob on the board while you insult the 5150 with your blatantly non-metal licks, he can kick your sorry ass OFF the chair and beat you like the REO Speedwagon fan you probably are, because no one who truly understood the 5150 would waste time with knobs when they could be pumping out some killer Sacrificium tunes on a Signature Randy Rhoads Jackson V at top volume.

Sound Quality: 10
You know what I use. SIGNATURE Randy Rhoads Jackson V, downtuned to B, with only my DOD FX-59 THRASHMASTER pedal between it and the 5150 (look up the THRASHMASTER for my other reviews). Yesterday, I took my 5150 over to my friend Dino's house, and he opened it up and disconnected every knob except the GAIN one, and then we busted that knob off so it's permanently stuck at 10, because that's the only number I need to know when it comes to pumping out my hot n' tasty licks with my new side project, LETHALICON, when we hit the stage at the Greenbriar Community Center every Thursday. After Dino and I modded my amp, every time i hit a low B, it sounds like the members of Hierarchical Punish are in my basement, beating the members of Civilization Hatred to death with amplified, unbridled metal brutality. This amp is for PURE, SLUTBANGING METAL, so don't even touch it unless you're ready to proclaim your dedication to annihilation!

Reliability: 10
I always say a good amp is like a good woman -- if it lasts through the first couple beatings, it's yours for life. This baby can take all the kicks and still pump out the hottest licks. Once, when I caught my little brother looking at my Signature Randy Rhoads Jackson V, I strapped his head to the 5150 and hung him out the window by his ankles. He kept squirmin' and hollerin' until finally I dropped him, but it was okay, because the 5150 was hooked back up in minutes, and none of the blood or snot stopped it from giving me the hot metal injection I demand. Let me put it this way: the 5150 will treat you better than any girlfriend, because it screams louder, it's easier to pick up, and it shuts up when you take your plug out.

Customer Support: 10
You think I have time to talk to corporate non-rockers about this shit? No fucking way! Any time I got a problem with anything, my amigo Dino sets me up just fine. Sometimes, I'll call the customer service number, and when they pick up the phone, I'll put the receiver down by my amp and crank out "Fool for the City" by Foghat just to show my appreciation. They're never on the phone when I finish, but I'm sure they like to hear how at least SOME of us know how to use their amps for the prep-smacking ROCK they wanna hear.

Overall Rating: 10
I've been playing long enough to know that this amp kicks more ass and gets more chicks than my band's last bass player. Look, if you're still reading this review, then you obviously have some sort of cranial damage. If you do, that means you probably already own a 5150 and a Signature Randy Rhoads Jackson V, in which case, KEEP ROCKIN'! Because if you didn't already own one of these, by now you should be at Guitar Center, buying your 5150 head and telling them how they need to hold a Guitar Center 5150-a-thon, because it's the only amp that matters anyway.

Submitted by Rip Glitter at 02/16/2001 10:30

[yabba]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

aaand his beloved DOD thrashmaster:

Price Paid: US $59
Ease of Use: 10
This pedal doesn't fuck around with lots of fancy-schmancy knobs. You get Level, Gain, and Presence. What the fuck else do you need? Personally, I don't like having to do math when I'm trying to get good tone out of my axe. That's why the helpful folks at DOD have removed numbers from their knob dials, and just use black dots. Why the fuck should i have to remember "Presence 3, Gain 10, Level 10" when my little brother's jagoff friends come over and fuck with my shit? When I plug in my Signature Randy Rhoads Jackson V, I only want to think about one thing: rocking my ass off. The THRASH MASTER gives me that
hardcore metal edge I want without all the pussy crap. Turn the knobs and turn it up!

Sound Quality: 10
I wish I could explain it. It's like Kerry King and Scott Ian went
cannibal, killed and ate the members of Diabolic Intent, jacked off their Diabolic Intent-infested spooge all over the second Type O album, and played it through my Eddie Van Halen 5150 half-stack at top volume. This pedal is METAL through and through. Sometimes I have to stop and slam my head into the wall because I can't believe how fucking amazing my axe sounds with the Thrash Master. After I regain consciousness, I can hear this heavy grinding noise through my amp, and i realize that even when I was knocked out, the Thrash Master KEPT ON ROCKING WITHOUT ME. That's how good this pedal is.

Reliability: 10
You can beat this thing like a cheap back-alley whore and it'll keep
coming back for more. No matter how EXTREME you think you might be, the THRASH MASTER can take all you dish out and more. It never stops pumping out the fist-pounding metal, even if you kick it like some pussy BUSH fan who showed up at the last Dark Legion show because he thought it was a D&D tournament.

Customer Support: N/A


Overall Rating: 10
If you don't get the point by now, maybe you never will. The THRASH
MASTER is ready to give massive strokes to all your neighbors and those people who are unlucky enough to be walking by your home when you're playing through it. If you want, I will come over and thrash on my amp on your lawn, and you can install some new windows after you pound some craters into the walls with your head, because it's just that intense. And it's only like $59, so it only takes like 5 lawn mowing jobs before you can buy it.

Submitted by Rip Glitter at 05/12/2000 08:28

[Surge]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

That is too funny! I had to pick myself up from the floor. Now I have to clean the beer off of my monitor from laughing. LOL!

[quiksilver]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

Hilarious! I love it. I agree that this guy should write gear reviews for Musician's Friend. Plus, I think he should be hired to write a column for The Onion, for issues when fellow great writer Jim Anchower doesn't have a column.

Powerslave is better than Seventh Son, though. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[Ozz666]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

I remember reading that a few years ago....that guy's hilarious!!

[yabba]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

Originally posted by quiksilver:
Plus, I think he should be hired to write a column for The Onion, for issues when fellow great writer Jim Anchower doesn't have a column.

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">That's exactly what I thought when I first saw those reviews, very similar style [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[VitaminG]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

Originally posted by Joel Drabicki:
I remember reading that a few years ago....that guy's hilarious!!

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">yea, I think we discussed it on the old forum. Still brilliant though! [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[RacerX]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

[xenophobe]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

Yeah, those reviews bring back old memories... haha. ... Old news indeed, but still funny.

[chrisolson]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

I remember when I read this stuff a couple years ago - I was laughing so hard I thought I'd get a hernia! This guy is a genius! His "little brother Randy" just adds to the fray. I'd love to see him post more reviews! Although my wife just doesn't seem to get it... [img]graemlins/scratchhead.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Genebaby]

Re: DUDES! You HAVE to read this!!

I love the Rip Glitter reviews, the guy is pure metal, down to the bone, lol....I was telling the guys at a gig on the weekend about his 5150 with the one knob stuck on 10, good memories....