This Guitar Is Nicer Than Anything Ever Made By Anyone Anywhere Ever

[eakinj]

THE NEW BLACKMACHINE DOUCHEMASTER CUSTOM. This guitar is so awesome mortals cant even fathom its awesomeness. Thats why only vampires can play it. When strummed dragons shoot out the fretboard and shit diamonds allover the place and the person playing it is instantly transformed into some guy named sakeido who is apparently the god of all things guitar and knows all. The guitar was crafted from meteorite wood from venus by ancient wizards at the blackmachine castle in 1,000,000,000 bc and time-transported to the present day as a prize for the winner of the worldwide call of duty 4 tournament who is also a HIGHLANDER. this guitar makes everyone who owns a jackson look like a total fag.

Dude you know that ESP is just going to rip that off, change one of the wings just enought to avoid a law suite. Soon every Vampire fanboy will be buying these things and all the fucking BLACKMACHINE DOUCHEMASTER fanboys will be hating on ESP about it like little bitches!

"Wah! Suki Di-Kee of Horez of Bordom totally jumped ship to ESP and totally had them make him 20 of the BLACKMACHINE DOUCHEMASTER CUSTOM rip offs in KOREA!! The binding is going to suck, and the frets will cut your fingers.. Fuck ESP, Fuck them right in their eye sockets. I heard they are even getting real MOP and OFR. FUCK ESPEE!"


And thus BDForums was born...

:ROTF:

[sonicsamurai]

nice

The man has inspiration

[SEEGERMANY]

"the one string model"

[jonasaberg]

...

That's a guitar for John Petrucci then.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKMYeXkYcgs

:P

[stevoc]

:ROTF:

'nuff said.

[eakinj]

"the one string model"

Ew! ew! ew! Does it come in black with pinstripes?

[airjamie]

Dude you know that ESP is just going to rip that off, change one of the wings just enought to avoid a law suite. Soon every Vampire fanboy will be buying these things and all the fucking BLACKMACHINE DOUCHEMASTER fanboys will be hating on ESP about it like little bitches!

"Wah! Suki Di-Kee of Horez of Bordom totally jumped ship to ESP and totally had them make him 20 of the BLACKMACHINE DOUCHEMASTER CUSTOM rip offs in KOREA!! The binding is going to suck, and the frets will cut your fingers.. Fuck ESP, Fuck them right in their eye sockets. I heard they are even getting real MOP and OFR. FUCK ESPEE!"


And thus BDForums was born...

:ROTF:

Wrong wrong wrong wrong. The BLACKMACHINE DOUCHEMASTER CUSTOM copyright is protected by the BLACKWIZARDZ from that emperor song. If anyone at E ES PEE tries to copy it their cocks will explode in an UNHOLI HELLSTORM OF EPIK BRVTALITY FROM SATAN and they will die. Fear not though, I have travled through time and space in the BLACKMACHINE MEGAZORD TIMESCOOTER to the fabled BLACKMACHINE CASTLE FROM A BILLION YEARS AGO THATS MADE OF DRAGON BONES and the wizards there tell me that they are in negotiations with the SCHECTER DIAMOND SERIES CASTLE A BILLION YEARS AGO IN WHAT IS PRESENT DAY CAMBODIA to produce the import series DOUCHEMINOR CUSTOM and SAKEIDO DOUCHEMINOR SIGNATURE SERIES WITH REAL AUTHENTIC LICENSED FULCRUM BRIDGE AND EMG-HZ PICKUPS. GET READY TO HAVE YOUR ASSES TOTALLY HANDED TO YOU JACKSON PROFESSIONAL OWNERS.

[destructin_od]

This thread is killing me ! :ROTF:

[eakinj]

Wrong wrong wrong wrong. The BLACKMACHINE DOUCHEMASTER CUSTOM copyright is protected by the BLACKWIZARDZ from that emperor song. If anyone at E ES PEE tries to copy it their cocks will explode in an UNHOLI HELLSTORM OF EPIK BRVTALITY FROM SATAN and they will die. Fear not though, I have travled through time and space in the BLACKMACHINE MEGAZORD TIMESCOOTER to the fabled BLACKMACHINE CASTLE FROM A BILLION YEARS AGO THATS MADE OF DRAGON BONES and the wizards there tell me that they are in negotiations with the SCHECTER DIAMOND SERIES CASTLE A BILLION YEARS AGO IN WHAT IS PRESENT DAY CAMBODIA to produce the import series DOUCHEMINOR CUSTOM and SAKEIDO DOUCHEMINOR SIGNATURE SERIES WITH REAL AUTHENTIC LICENSED FULCRUM BRIDGE AND EMG-HZ PICKUPS. GET READY TO HAVE YOUR ASSES TOTALLY HANDED TO YOU JACKSON PROFESSIONAL OWNERS.

That totally sets my mind as ease. I'll be able to sleep again at night

[eakinj]

I just heard some very troubling news. Apparently PRS has purchased Blackmachine! Apparently they have grown to be such a juggernaut, that they have decided to follow in the tradition of Gibson (With Kramer) and Fender (With Jackson/Charvel).

Apparently by Summer NAMM we should be seeing Limited versions of other Blackmachine classics

The Douchemaster Custom is obviously going to be the flag ship of the company.

The Cockmaster Custom will be re-released in limited colors, Sperm White and Pee Yellow

The Assmaster Custom, a variation of the round horn V with the output jack just inside a little brown hole. This guitar is definitely more a wall hanger as depending on the guitar’s mood, it may not allow you to place your jack into it’s brown hole.

The Overcompensator Classic. Just like the Cockmaster and Douchemaster, only with 28 frets and a really large headstock.

And for you value conscious guitarists

The Shitster, a 19 fret bolt on with something that passes for wood. It comes with pickups removed from other low end guitars and discarded in the trash. This makes it environmentally friendly as these pickups don’t end up in a land fill.

The Guitarster, they ran out of names, but this thing has all the options of it’s higher end counter parts. It’s make of wood, or something that passes for it from a distance. Contact with this guitar may only causes rectal cancer. And really, isn’t it worth it?

Eddie Van Halen has already signed an endorsement deal with the newly acquired company. Plans are well under way to make Wolfgang 3, this time with an even less appealing headstock.

Word is Wayne Charvel is already looking to find a way to blame Grover Jackson for it.

Damn these corporate titans!

[Robert Burns]

THE NEW BLACKMACHINE DOUCHEMASTER CUSTOM. This guitar is so awesome mortals cant even fathom its awesomeness. Thats why only vampires can play it. When strummed dragons shoot out the fretboard and shit diamonds allover the place and the person playing it is instantly transformed into some guy named sakeido who is apparently the god of all things guitar and knows all. The guitar was crafted from meteorite wood from venus by ancient wizards at the blackmachine castle in 1,000,000,000 bc and time-transported to the present day as a prize for the winner of the worldwide call of duty 4 tournament who is also a HIGHLANDER. this guitar makes everyone who owns a jackson look like a total fag.

&&& And comfortable too !!

[JacksonDean]

That's a guitar for John Petrucci then.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKMYeXkYcgs

:P

I'd never seen those before; thanks for posting that! :ROTF:

[Erez]

Is this guitar Vintage? like a 54 strat? or is it just a "relic"? Also in the new productions from korea, will there be a closet classic or a time machine series at all?!?!

[eakinj]

Is this guitar Vintage? like a 54 strat? or is it just a "relic"? Also in the new productions from korea, will there be a closet classic or a time machine series at all?!?!

Actually there will be a closet Classic, however in this day and age of politically correctness it will be designated as AlternativeLifestyle Custom Classic.

[Erez]

AlternativeLifestyle Custom Classic.. I'm not sure I like this name! although the word "Custom" is very attractive...