Dont buy any Marshmellow Peeps from Horns666!!!!!!!!!!

[tonemonster]

thats right. I had a bad deal with Horns666 on some yellow marshmellow peeps. Everything was going great. he had described the marshmellow peeps to me very well, and sent pictures. I paypal him the $3.00 for them, plus $5.85 to ship them USPS to me. So I get the peeps in the mail, and they are stale. I dont mean a few days past code stale, I mean like they just came out of King tut's tomb stale. I am not shittin' ya!!! they smelled like 2 thousand year old mummy pussy. the color had faded significantly on them, they were barely as yellow as my neighbor's 55 T bird. plus someone had taken a bite out of one of them. he claims he never knew any of them had bites taken out of them. apparently he never looked in the box. SO I am guessing king tut got hungry. or Indiana Jones forgot them in his tomb when he found them in Episode 6, "the very last crusade until the next one." so I email Mr. Horns and discuss my disatisfaction. he offers to refund me 25 cents or I send them back for a full refund on my dime. well, I decided to take the 25 cents refund, but I am just giving you guys fair warning to not buy marshmellow peeps from him. I really expected him to be a stand up guy and send me some respectable marshmellow peeps. I supposed I should have kept them and parted them out and sold them, but I really have no idea what the street value of pale yellow stale peeps are these days. (I kinda been out of circulation a while).

there were supposed to be very vibrant yellow like this:



and what I got was this:




as you can see, the peeps I received were very pale, and lost the hop on their fast ball so to speak.

so be careful who you buy marshmellow peeps from these days.

[MakeAJazzNoiseHere]

and what I got was this:

Christ, what kind of mongoloid Peeps did Bill send you?

Maybe the intense heat of all the flames damaged them... :think:

Also I recommend you smell them before you eat them. Check his posting history, the guy is crazy with those things.

[tonemonster]

Oh I smelled them alright.........from the fuckin mailbox on the other side of the street!!!!!!!

[xenophobe]

Did they taste like pee pee?

[horns666]

Woah, This is not fair! You did not disclose our conversation in connection with your specific request. You said you have not ate a peep since the 80's because the US doesn't use cane sugar, but corn syrup. Anyone who has a tongue knows there is a diffence. You wanted "old school" peeps. The kind you enjoyed as a tot.

I informed my freind Pablo, who said he could get them for me. So he made a few contacts and confirmed this was true. I paid him to get this done. Unfortunately, his cousin Footsie was caught at the border. The Peeps in question were in his back pack, along with his other personal items, including a 5 lb brick of weed. But he made sure that the peeps were safe. He was attacked by a Border Collie, Tasered, and his group was doused by water connons..then beaten like a Pinata for about 45+ minutes. I assume above Peeps got some damage during this incident. But as you can see in good shape and intact .He was arrested, booked and released with his property , except brick weed, and the Peeps you see above.

Peeps are seasonal. But they are a common treat amoung Mexican Drug Lords who use them to smuggle heroine, and other thing...like gold!. But these peeps were legit, and clean. Pablo came through. Footsie is still being treated with our tax dollars for years of recovery. He lost a leg! It'll prolly cost 250,000 of OUR tax dollars for those peeps you see before you..in your possesion. Made with 100% cane sugar!

They are soft to the touch. Smell kinda fresh, and I pulled a tiny piece off the back of the hardest one in the bunch to sample the taste...delicious. Now the color is deceptive. The ones you see in the adds and commercials are spray painted, and they pick the perfect ones to look their best. I admit they went through hell..but I am totally out of pocket for these fuckers.

You have no clue what I went thru while Footsie was getting used like Hitler Pinata at a Barmitvah! I was on the phone with him during that ordeal..for moral support. Man, those screams...brrrrrr..I'll remember 'em forever.

Anyone telling you our Border isn't safe if full o poop. They let 'em go after they're caught. Just like the crimninals here.

But I will send you a free pack of Peeps at Easter. They make cream-filled ones now called Creeeeps. I can get those. I got connctions with Peeps Inc. They're made of corn syrup though..unfortunately. Don't throw the others away. I'll pay you to send them back to me..I could really use them. I miss them to be honest.

I want to make this right.

BillZ

[tonemonster]

I dont know, I didnt taste them. they smelled like Tut's fromunda cheese.

[Devotee]

I almost fell off my chair after reading this thread. This one is right up there just below Lou's epic tales of debauchery.

[horns666]

I don't think the Peeps came from Egypt. I think they're illegal over there. They'll behead both you and the peep in Egypt. But it's a beautiful place, full of history & wonderment!

[VitaminG]

nothin' mellow about that mallow.

Tone, you list your location as "Your sisters bedroom". You sure that was 2000 year old mummy pussy you could smell?

ps. I had no idea Border Collies got their name from patrolling the US/Mexican border! Those long coats must be great protection against the dry heat.

[horns666]

They shave the Border Collies at the Mexican border.They also mix with Piitbulls. These are facts!

Pitts are very poplular in Me-he-co..mang. "I 50 peso on poncho." That's all I heard when I was over there.

[Ward]

they smelled like 2 thousand year old mummy pussy.

I'll pay you whatever you want for them.

[tonemonster]

Well Mr. Horns, I dont know. See there is some lost time and damages to my ego involved. I stressed over this. I had a big party planned, and I wanted to impress some females with these marshmellow peeps at my party. and when the peeps showed up in that level of un-fresh, I couldn not serve them to party guests. I mean it just wouldnt be right. I have no doubt that your a fine person Mr. horns. You seem like the type of stand up fellow that would help out a stranded motorist in need, or donate his time at his local church, or perhaps help paint an orphanage. but I got wronged on these peeps, I mean almost enough to write a country song about. Please take no offense to this at all as I mean none. but perhaps you and I could plan a vacation together to egypt, your description of its wonderment has interested me more than rectifiying the sour deal on these peeps.

[Cygnus X1]

[Musician78]

This thread is fucking priceless!

[Twitch]

Right the fuuuuuck on!!!!! Great parody thread.