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It's been a little over 2 years now since I have been completely on the level. I'm bored out of my fukkin' socks, I do not work a program, nor do I go to meetings anymore. I'm not a religious person, and the last two times I went I got gang raped by wolves hounding me to turn my life over to God or I'm a goner. I'm not against anyone who is religious, in fact, if that's what makes you feel whole and or happy, then that is just fukkin' ducky with me, I like to see people happy, always. I do not have a malicious bone in my body, well, yes i do, I like to make fun of people a whole lot, but i'll also be the first one to bash the fukk out of myself to, and believe me I deserve it. Anyway, some these people lecturing me had 3 weeks of sober time and since they'd turned themselves over to God 3 weeks earlier, the world had taken on a much rosier hue. Unfortunately , two of these people relapsed less than a week later. I'm no stranger to relapse, the reason I have not this time around is due to consequences if i do, as in I go to prison if my piss is dirty. It's been easy to stay clean with that kind of hammer ready to come smashing down on your melon. I was arrested for selling "unauthentic" Cisco parts. The parts worked, but they were in fake labeled Cisco boxes. I did not try to deceive the customer, in fact the customer i sold them to had made millions off these parts for years, they new exactly what they were buying from me as I told them they were fake, and the dollar amount was $2,340.00 worth of parts. This was a very stupid
thing I did, and yes it is a crime, i do realize that. It's not far off from selling fake Gucci bags or Oakley sunglasses, same ballpark, but it's still a crime. And I am guilty of it. There were no drug charges against me, and since i had no prior criminal record (unreal how lucky I had gotten up to this point the way I used to party) that was the main thing that kept me from prison time. Many many many companies had been indicted in this, and many people had gotten prison time and are serving right now. I have 6 months left of probation, the repercussions for the 8 months of pre-trial and up to now have knocked the living snot out of me. Remaining sober is a strict guidline of my probation and pre-trial. I cannot tell you how many times I've been tested, it's nearing the 200 times level. A fukkin' nazi-regime like program. But, it did clean me up. Is it a fair trade? yes , it's gotta be, how could it not be? It's nice not having to have 40.00 worth of stuff just to get moving in the morning, not having to make and take 35 phone calls from fellow buzzards before 8 a.m. who are already up and running, not having the whole "sick" thing hanging over you, people coming and going from your house all freakin' day. I could write all the positives forever, there's so many, but I gotta tell you i'm fukkin' bored.
Bored to the point of nausea. i don't know any sober people, well, i do, and they're great, but so are some of the people I know who are not sober. I really don't feel like going out and making a whole new set of friends, it's a headache. The meetings turn me off, I can't say that I can speak for all of them because i have not truly searched any good ones out. I guess "God" for me is the threat of prison. Now that's a powerful, not to mention tangible, God I can fully worship-lol This God makes me check in, write written monthly reports, and up until 3 months ago I had to call every single night at 7 p.m. to see if i had to go in for drug testing the very next day at 4:30 a.m. a half hour away from my house. Every single night. And I was tested up to 3 to 4 times a week many times. A real pain in the fukkin ass. I couldn't plan my next day until I knew if i had to go in or not. the testing hours were from 5 a.m. to 9 a.m., if i left any later than 4:30 a.m., then I wouldn't get home until hours later with the morning traffic coupled with all the other people in trouble who you'd be behind in line at the place. Not to mention, having to hold your piss in all the way to the place when you first wake up in the morning so you could piss when you got there and not sit there waiting until you can thus making you get home hours later. It sucked the sweat off a yaks balls, but again, I digress, in the end it's a fair trade. hey, I should look on the bright side right, I mean, it sucks that I have to put down "convicted felon" on any future job applications, but then then again when it says "if Yes, please explain" and I put down "Trafficking of Counterfeit Goods" maybe, just maybe, they'll actually like that I can sell stuff and maybe I'll get a shot at the job, who knows. Hopefully the interveiwers will be as sick in the head as I am and see it that way too.
I'm not even allowed to have a glass of wine. I stopped drinking anyway around 7 years ago, drinking is too much work anyway, so that part of it was no big deal. I miss pot. Boy do I miss pot. That was a tough giveup. It's been nice though with the other crap out of my life. I just find myself at a standstill. Should I have some sort of program in place for when I get off probation? Yes, probably, but I don't think you'll catch old Atomic even jaywalking ever again after the shitstorm I've been through the last two plus years so far.
If I was in Las Vegas 20 years ago, and there was a futures betting board on what was finally going to clean me up, here's the possible bets you could have made-
July 1st 1990- Current Odds on what will Clean up Tommy Futures Board-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
1-Possession- even money
2-Funerals from many friends who died from drugs- 25-1 (they never made me change)
3-DUI - 30-1 (Not codoning the act at all, but i was a great driver no matter what i was on)
4-Rehab- 10-1 (i'd been to a few, and it worked for a little while, then I'd eventually fall and fall hard)
5-Requests and pleas from family and loved ones -100-1 ( I'm an asshole)
5-Selling Electronics-lol What's the fukkin' odds? I gotta put them at 750,000-1
maybe even a higher payout than that. Who'd have ever thought this would be the
the clincher.
"Coming around the clubhouse turn and into the home stretch, it's selling electronics!!!, the long shot!!! running away from the field and taking the winners circle!!! Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!!"
I'm fukkin' bored. It's been a distinct pleasure to write this out and put it up on the
old reliable JCF.
thing I did, and yes it is a crime, i do realize that. It's not far off from selling fake Gucci bags or Oakley sunglasses, same ballpark, but it's still a crime. And I am guilty of it. There were no drug charges against me, and since i had no prior criminal record (unreal how lucky I had gotten up to this point the way I used to party) that was the main thing that kept me from prison time. Many many many companies had been indicted in this, and many people had gotten prison time and are serving right now. I have 6 months left of probation, the repercussions for the 8 months of pre-trial and up to now have knocked the living snot out of me. Remaining sober is a strict guidline of my probation and pre-trial. I cannot tell you how many times I've been tested, it's nearing the 200 times level. A fukkin' nazi-regime like program. But, it did clean me up. Is it a fair trade? yes , it's gotta be, how could it not be? It's nice not having to have 40.00 worth of stuff just to get moving in the morning, not having to make and take 35 phone calls from fellow buzzards before 8 a.m. who are already up and running, not having the whole "sick" thing hanging over you, people coming and going from your house all freakin' day. I could write all the positives forever, there's so many, but I gotta tell you i'm fukkin' bored.
Bored to the point of nausea. i don't know any sober people, well, i do, and they're great, but so are some of the people I know who are not sober. I really don't feel like going out and making a whole new set of friends, it's a headache. The meetings turn me off, I can't say that I can speak for all of them because i have not truly searched any good ones out. I guess "God" for me is the threat of prison. Now that's a powerful, not to mention tangible, God I can fully worship-lol This God makes me check in, write written monthly reports, and up until 3 months ago I had to call every single night at 7 p.m. to see if i had to go in for drug testing the very next day at 4:30 a.m. a half hour away from my house. Every single night. And I was tested up to 3 to 4 times a week many times. A real pain in the fukkin ass. I couldn't plan my next day until I knew if i had to go in or not. the testing hours were from 5 a.m. to 9 a.m., if i left any later than 4:30 a.m., then I wouldn't get home until hours later with the morning traffic coupled with all the other people in trouble who you'd be behind in line at the place. Not to mention, having to hold your piss in all the way to the place when you first wake up in the morning so you could piss when you got there and not sit there waiting until you can thus making you get home hours later. It sucked the sweat off a yaks balls, but again, I digress, in the end it's a fair trade. hey, I should look on the bright side right, I mean, it sucks that I have to put down "convicted felon" on any future job applications, but then then again when it says "if Yes, please explain" and I put down "Trafficking of Counterfeit Goods" maybe, just maybe, they'll actually like that I can sell stuff and maybe I'll get a shot at the job, who knows. Hopefully the interveiwers will be as sick in the head as I am and see it that way too.
I'm not even allowed to have a glass of wine. I stopped drinking anyway around 7 years ago, drinking is too much work anyway, so that part of it was no big deal. I miss pot. Boy do I miss pot. That was a tough giveup. It's been nice though with the other crap out of my life. I just find myself at a standstill. Should I have some sort of program in place for when I get off probation? Yes, probably, but I don't think you'll catch old Atomic even jaywalking ever again after the shitstorm I've been through the last two plus years so far.
If I was in Las Vegas 20 years ago, and there was a futures betting board on what was finally going to clean me up, here's the possible bets you could have made-
July 1st 1990- Current Odds on what will Clean up Tommy Futures Board-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
1-Possession- even money
2-Funerals from many friends who died from drugs- 25-1 (they never made me change)
3-DUI - 30-1 (Not codoning the act at all, but i was a great driver no matter what i was on)
4-Rehab- 10-1 (i'd been to a few, and it worked for a little while, then I'd eventually fall and fall hard)
5-Requests and pleas from family and loved ones -100-1 ( I'm an asshole)
5-Selling Electronics-lol What's the fukkin' odds? I gotta put them at 750,000-1
maybe even a higher payout than that. Who'd have ever thought this would be the
the clincher.
"Coming around the clubhouse turn and into the home stretch, it's selling electronics!!!, the long shot!!! running away from the field and taking the winners circle!!! Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!!"
I'm fukkin' bored. It's been a distinct pleasure to write this out and put it up on the
old reliable JCF.
I have an extremely addictive personality so I have to stay away for a lot of stuff. 
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