If you are thinking of having kids...READ HERE FIRST

[RobRR]

Haha damn Lou, make me glad I have two girls! (2.5 and 5.5 yrs old) My girls are pretty well behaved unless theyre around their nana (my mom), then they get away with murder. While it has changed our life, IMO only for the better. Sure we dont have quite as much freedom as we used to, but honestly I LOVE being around my girls. We usually take them to nana's when we want to go out a few times a month, but overall, becoming a daddy is the best thing that ever happenned to me! When I buy a bigger house, we'd like to have one or two more. Wouldnt mind at least one boy though!

[jdr94]

like i said i'm just sayin...
your post could have been half jokin or not. i didnt see any smileys, winks, or anythin to indicate either completely.
what? am i not allowed to put my 2 cents in too? i wasnt tryin to be an ass just pointin out that some of those issues are easily remidied for those readin and REALLY considerin havin kids. geez

guess i better add my
i really wasnt tryin to be a dick
just pokin at ya, tho we havnt really interacted w eachother like me and some of the other guys so.....

[MakeAJazzNoiseHere]

I'm glad I don't have any.

[Musician78]

I have one. Little Fiona Kaydence.... told the wife one and ONLY one. She is so cool though.

[toejam]

This just adds to my list of 1001 reasons NOT to have kids LOL.

+1. I'm 38 and don't want kids. And, luckily, my 41-year-old girlfriend does not want kids
either! We both think we're a little old to be having those rotten, little things!

[Rsmacker]

I'm 41 and I really really would love kids. I need a son and heir.
I would be one of those absent fathers though, or maybe like a Victorian Dad, just summon them to my study at 6pm for a brief resume of their day's actvities, then dismiss them so I can get back to important stuff, like scratching my balls.
Alas, unless some of my bollock batter runs out of Wilksy-Baby's arsehole onto a toilet seat, whereupon it gets miraculously siphoned into a suitable minge, it's not going to happen.

Oh, and the OP part about the shit breakfast slayed me.

[toejam]

Oh, and the OP part about the shit breakfast slayed me.

You're the first person who popped in my mind when he talked about the shit breakfast! :ROTF:

[BenoA]

Father of 3 boys here... 15, 14 and 11... Oldest one is becoming a good bass player and youngest one thinking learning drums!

Your post me made laugh. I went through some of these situations but not to that extreme.

[Grim]

Alas, unless some of my bollock batter runs out of Wilksy-Baby's arsehole onto a toilet seat, whereupon it gets miraculously siphoned into a suitable minge, it's not going to happen.

I wonder why...? :think: :idea:

[Lord_Jereth]

I have two boys, Daniel and Christopher, who will be 21 and 19, respectively, in a few months. I have so been there.

Back when my youngest was just a wee nard I learned the hard way not to zerbits (you know, a raspberry) on his lower back while he was still in diapers. We were playing one day and I was tickling him. He loved that. Well, I zerbitsed on his back and got a snoot full of ... ehem, how to put this gently ... "processed" broccoli and creamed mystery meat that shot out the back of his butt-huggers faster than Yngwie through a twelve course ice-cream and bourbon buffet. Yes, folks, that's right, I tickled the shit out of him.

Lovely.

When my youngest was born, my oldest, who was two at the time, was very jealous of his mother's attention. When we brought little Christopher home, Daniel instantly took a blistering, psychotic hatred to his new, younger sibling. He would spend merry hours finding new and interesting ways to attempt murder on said little nuisance. For years we had this problem and for every infraction he would get the same lecture from his mother and I, "You know, some day your little brother is going to be bigger than you and he's going to pay you back for all the mean things you've done to him." Which, of course would be met with rolled eyes and a muttered, "Yeah, yeah."

Well, lo and behold, my oldest is now my height, about 5'11" and his "little" brother is nearly 6 and 1/2 feet tall. One day Daniel, the oldest, was being a little pissy so Christopher nonchalantly walked up to him and very politely broke his nose for him. I couldn't have been prouder.

My kids weren't always the fine, upstanding young citizens they are now. In fact, they were card carrying little sociopaths. So, I tended to subscribe to the Bill Cosby school of child rearing that says, "I brought you into this world and I'll take you out. I'll make another one look just like you." That and a couple of other key phrases got me through the teen years. Things like, "I may not always be right, but I'm NEVER wrong," as well as, "I don't beat my kids, I apply pressure to the seat of knowledge in accordance with the board of education," worked wonders. These can also be translated as, "I don't strike for pain, I swing for distance."



Nowadays, they are well adjusted, kind hearted, responsible, empathetic, smart young adults. This didn't come from "time-outs," "play dates" and "inside voices" talk. It came with diligence, persistence, attention, lots of love and a dash of strategically applied discipline. I love my boys and am the proudest papa you could imagine.

To folks thinking of having children, a little advice:

First up: Get over your phobia of poop, pee, drool, vomit, snot and boogers. You'll become intimately associated and acquainted with them on a daily basis. I think Robin Williams said it best: "You may have been a Marine. You may have seen blood and guts - but you've never seen kah-kah like this!" Forget a good night sleep, a night life, smelling good, clean clothes, a healthy, regular sex life or blissful sanity for the next few years. Those days are over.

Yes, your life - and outlook on life - will change. No doubt about it. You have to be ready for it, not only for your sake, but for their's too. But here's the rub: you won't be. You have not clue one how to be the perfect parent. There just aint no such animal. Get over it. You can't imagine the changes and twists of callous fate that will befall you, trust me.

Everyone learns as they go along. You WILL make mistakes. You WILL be inconvenienced. You WILL have to make sacrifices. You WILL have to make unpleasant decisions and you WILL, one day, have to be man/woman enough to say you're sorry. You WILL start saying things your parents said - and worst of all, you WILL suddenly understand why they said them.

Here's another one you won't be ready for: at some point, your children WILL hate you - even if just for a few seconds/minutes/hours/days/months at a time. Sometimes love means having to make allowances for that. Just remember that this too shall pass.

Remember that you can't always be their friend but you must always try to be worthy of being their parent. Be willing to accept responsibility and be worthy of forgiveness. Sometimes the hardest part is being able to accept that forgiveness - and offer it in return. Sometimes forgiving yourself is the hardest part of all.

Take that last part from a man who made lots of mistakes.

Caution: they will not turn out exactly the way you plan and they certainly won't be little carbon copies of you or your spouse. Surprise! Don't try to force them to be. It simply won't work. Acquainting them with your values, teaching them right from wrong and breaking them of certain psychotic habits is all well and good, but they will never be clones of you. Remember that while they may be your children, they're also little people - little individuals - with thoughts, values, tastes, dramas and personalities all their own. That's exactly the way it should be. If you forget that for even one minute, they will resent you for it and it will make your job as nurturer, protector, guide and teacher just that much harder.

Being a parent is tough. It's the single scariest tightrope act you will ever perform. But, in the end, if you've done it right, you will look back and say, yes, it was all worth it.

The most important decision - and it should be a well thought out, educated decision - is whether to have kids in the first place. If, after reading these stories you aren't sure if you're ready for, or even want to have kids - DON'T. There is no law that says you have to have kids to be a successful adult or couple. Tradition be damned. The earth is far too over populated, anyway. Better to wait until you are ready, if ever, than to have one or more kids just because you feel you have to - or have them accidentally - and then realize that you can't take care of them. There is nothing worse in this world than a dead-beat parent. The children are the ones who always pay for that one.

And if even all that didn't deter you: You're not just a parent for the next 18 years. Being a parent is a lifetime commitment. You will ALWAYS be their parent. They will always be your children. The only difference when they're out of the house will be that you will be able to get back some of your nice things. That is, until the grandchildren show up.

LJ

[loki: god of chaos]

well said bro

[Rsmacker]

First up: Get over your phobia of poop, pee, drool, vomit, snot and boogers. You'll become intimately associated and acquainted with them on a daily basis. I think Robin Williams said it best: "You may have been a Marine. You may have seen blood and guts - but you've never seen kah-kah like this!" Forget a good night sleep, a night life, smelling good, clean clothes, a healthy, regular sex life or blissful sanity for the next few years. Those days are over.

Hey! Who's got a phobia of those things? And WTF is a "healthy, regular sex life"? Sounds fucking twisted to me!

[emperor_black]

That was too funny!!! Glad today there was no one in the nearby cubicles!!

I have a 4 yr old and after reading your issues, I feel blessed. here I am complaining that she was a bad sleeper for the first 4 months.

but yeah, I agree with the ones who say kids bring a laugh in your day-to-day boring life. This morning, this conversation happened between me and my 4 yr old girl.

I was watching the news and it was about a chopper that hit a bird and fell down.

Me: Oh no!
She: What happened daddy? (she kept asking me and I could not listen to the rest of the story)
Me: A chopper got hit by a bird.
She: Oh no!
Me: Do you know what a chopper is?
She: No.
Me: its a helicopter.
she: oh.
Me: Do you know what's a helicopter?
She: Chopper?

[RacerX]

And then she was all

[emperor_black]

What about you Ron, got any lil-terrors of your own?