Blazer....! He knew the score!

[Gartron]

Buy a new set of seats and trade in your old ones wheeler dealer style !

[tonemonster]

Ah, it's a Discovery, not an old snotty farmer's Land Rover.
It's rancid, it's gone really musky now and I gag when I get in the car. I'll look for some of Nature's Miracle, the thing I don't want is to have a seat which reeks of a mixture of clunge and cleaner, or when I get a whiff of fabric cleaner somewhere, I'll associate it immediately with minge, and stinky minge at that.
It's my favourite meal, the breakfast of champions, getting stuck into a big weeping axe wound, but this is making my eyes water and I don't want to develop a Vag Aversion Syndrome.

Grrrrr, fucking fat birds and alcohol, a lethal combination, and the reason this country has gone down the toilet, most birds are overweight these days.

Nature's miracle has no "cleaning chemical" type odor. its almost odorless. here is their website http://www.naturemakesitwork.com/home/index.php

They even have a special product for removing skunk odor, but none for fat chick spooge. I checked for you.

[RacerX]

Rsmacker, try Vinigar

Vinigar? Who is that, the bass player in Blazer's band?



"And on bass, VINIGARRRRRRRR!!!" :ROTF:

[Twitch]

IF you get the seat fumigated proper, NEXT time you go chubby-chasing get some type of seat cover, like vinyl, plastic, pleather, something that doesn't go through, but puddles for easy cleaning..

Or futter up the chubby's car seats next time, or a friends who you owe revenge for something or other. Hey (insert marks name here), my cars down for the weekend, can I borrow yours for the night?

[markD]

Vinigar? Who is that, the bass player in Blazer's band?



"And on bass, VINIGARRRRRRRR!!!" :ROTF:

that was so funny i spit water out!!! thanks!!!!

this thread is awesome.

[quadperson]

sometimes...especially after reading stories like this, I'm truly happy to be married. Funny stuff, though. Try Febreeze.

[Rsmacker]

Vinigar? Who is that, the bass player in Blazer's band?



"And on bass, VINIGARRRRRRRR!!!" :ROTF:

The band could be called "The Vinigar Strokes".

So, anyway, this minge juice is eating through my seat like Alien blood. Or, I imagine it is, I don't know, I've taken it out. Thing is, I don't want to have to fumigate my garage or warehouse, so I've left it in my mate's van which he has left in my yard for safe keeping. It FUCKING REEKS in there too now, all I can smell is porcine poontang and it curdles my stomach.

Oh no, and it's Saturday night! We all know what happens on Saturday night, all the fat chicks come out to play (and drink too much booze). Oh God, please give me strength, please help me resist the temptation.....

[Hellbat]

Fat Chick : Why is the entire passenger area covered in tarpaulin?

Rsmacker : Oh I think you know why love.

Fat Chick : SCREAMS

[Rsmacker]

Hey, don't joke about that. I went to this chick's place once and there's a kiddies plastic pool in the lounge.
I knew she had no kids, so joked that she'd stolen it from the kids next door.
"Nah" she said, "It's my Piddling Pool"
"Surely you mean Paddling Pool" says I, all naiive.

She was right, I was wrong.

[Rsmacker]

Sooooo, Saturday night came around...

I was a good boy, stayed at home, watched some nice telly, had a Chinese takeaway, went to bed early.....

Did I fuck! I was intending to stay in, but then Satan tempted me. Well, not Satan, but another fat chick. I don't know why I always get the fat chicks, but I do. Anyway, the invite was there, it would be churlish to ignore it.
I jumped into the MingMobile, windows open, freezing fucking cold, but no way am I sealing myself up in there with the heater on. You know that bit in Dumb & Dumber when they reach Aspen on the scooter? Well, that was me when I got to Leicester, but at least I hadn't breathed in more Rancid Beaver (fucking hell, there's a great band name) than absolutely necessary.
Anyway, Fatty was in full flow, sinking Smirnoff like it was going out of style. Anyone sense a pattern emerging here? This time, she was with what can only be described as a fuckinguglypigdogmoose. This thing had to be seen to be believed. Atrocious.
Worse, she had been given a makeover by Chubby to appear sultry and sexy. No, no, NO. Dressing up your Mum's labrador in stockings and suspenders does not make it sexy does it? (And let's face it, we've all done that, right guys? Guys.....? OK, only twice.) She was hideous. Probably in her mid 20s, with an agricultural worker-type bloke who turned out to be 66. Saggy arse in her body-stocking, tits like a Spaniel's ears, just nasty. Oh, and the teeth.....

I'll cheerfully subscribe to the stereotypical image of Brits with bad teeth, because, let's face it, our teeth are horrendous. This thing took it to new levels though. Indeterminate colour, like tombstones, I swear they moved round her mouth, they looked different from every angle. Bizarre. Of course, the more I looked at her, in horror, the more she thought she was a fox. She smelled like one. Seriously. I could smell her twat from the other side of the sofa. OK, it was a swingers' club, and she was in her underwear, had probably just been boned, but still.....phhhheeew.

So did I make my excuses and leave, perhaps to go to a classy nightclub to shag a Supermodel? Did I fuck.

At 5.30 am, I was dunking my ballsac into the Temple of Dental Doom with my face mashed into a sweaty minge, whilst 2 old geezers wheezed away on the sofa rubbing one out watching me.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Oh well, a hole's a goal! I feel sure that I'd do it again, today if I got the opportunity.

The good thing is that I think I know what to do with the Stench Seat.
I'm going to sell it on E-bay, aimed at Sasquatch hunters. They can sit in it, up a tree, with their rifle, whilst the pheremones and twat juice wafts around, drawing in Bigfoot. I feel sure it will be for the best.

[Gartron]

I really should know better than read one of your threads while eating!

[tonemonster]

Awesome!!!!!!!!

[tonemonster]

I just had an idea....... maybe music zoo should order about 30 "minge juice splatter" charvels to go along with their blood splatter legacy models.

[tonemonster]

and RSmacker can autograph them.

[VitaminG]

I just had an idea....... maybe music zoo should order about 30 "minge juice splatter" charvels to go along with their blood splatter legacy models.

as long as they don't reek with piss, vinegar & baby powder every time you work the whammy bar...