Bored at work joke thread .....

[Dr loomis]

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Give up? DOUGHNUTS
I asked this at work and some replied CRESCENT ROLLS! LOL!

[horns666]

Boondock Saints fuggin' ruled!!! The gayness of Willem DeFoe (Det Smecker) was legendary!!!

..Thanks man.

I must check out the sequel All Saints Day!!

[Hellbat]

Wow, I can't believe you have never seen that Bill. I loved when the one brother got in the brawl with that huge chick.

Check out "Suicide Kings" if you haven't seen that. It's also pretty fun.

[QuantumRider]

Since we're going beyond the pale here...

What's the best thing about 8 year old boys?

Flip them over and they're just like 8 year old girls.

[emperor_black]

A man who's been good all his life dies and goes to heaven. All he finds there are singing angels, beautiful calm places, and he's bored as hell. He happens to gaze down at hell and sees his friend who had been evil all his life and who had died just after him. he has a hot-as-hell blonde sitting on his lap and a jack daniel in his hand.

God happened to pass by and the man asks god - "God, I've been good all my life, yet I get nothing but all these boring stuff, but my friend who has been evil all his life gets a blonde and Alcohol? What's up with that?"

God says - "This is heaven. Everything's beautiful and nice. The blonde has no hole on the bottom and the bottle of whiskey has. Now, that's hell!"

[Jayster]

Why do men pay more for car insurance?
Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving

[Jayster]

Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

[Scooter]

An old couple awoke on their 50th anniversary and decided to have breakfast nude like they did when they first got married. At the table the woman exclaims "This is so much fun! I'm warm and fuzzy like I was when we first married!" The husband looks up from his newspaper and tells her, "Thats because you have one tit in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

[bratfink]

3 shortest books in the world:

Irish book of knowledge.
Ethiopean cook book
Italian book of war heros

[Hellbat]

This one is for Tommy.

The kids return to school from summer vacation. The teacher says "Class, so we can get to know each other better, I'd like each of you to tell us where your father works and what he does for a job. Then I would like you to spell his job out loud. Billy, let's start with you."

Billy says "My dad works downtown and is a lawyer. l -a -w -y -e -r"

The teacher says "Very good Billy. Now Johnny, you tell us about your father."

Johnny says "My dad works in a drugstore and he is a pharmacist. f -a -r -m; f -a -m -a; .... I don't know how to spell it."

The class laughs and the teacher says "Calm down everybody! Okay Johnny, your homework tonight is to learn how to spell Pharmacist. Now Jane it's your turn."

Jane says "My dad works at Monty's Bar. He's a bookie. b -o -o -k -i -e. And he would give 9 -5 odds that dumb ass Johnny won't be able to spell pharmacist tomorrow."

[Grim]

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

...


because she's dead.

[Scooter]

Last words of a redneck:

"Hold ma beer fo meh, HEY Y'ALL, WATCH THIS!"

[Jayster]

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "About a gallon."

[emperor_black]

Why won't Mel Gibson buy Norton virus scanner?

Because he's antisymantec.

[emperor_black]

Daughter: Iphone
Son: Ipod
Wife: Ipad
Father: Ipay