I am an evil bastard and there is a special place in Hell for me!

[LouSiffer]

Thats pretty much it in a nutshell. Not looking for sympathy or understanding. I was just thinking about the aggrevation that my wife has instilled upon me. Then i was thinking about all the goofy shit I have done because I have developed an " I dont give a fuck " mentality.

Its not goofy shit like sticking my dick in a light socket. . . Nope. . . Its much, much worse. I am going to fill you in on the some details,but, if you are easily offended and you think you are going to give me a good tongue lashing over the internet. . . Stop reading now. Remember, i dont care.

I have realized that I am a passively vindictive fucker. I do shit that I can not put any logic to it at that point and time ,but, hindsight often gives me a moment of clarity that helps put the pieces in their place. I also do not wake up with the idea that I am going to do this or that. . . Stuff just happens.

Lets fill in some history. I met my wife about 9 years ago. I generally do not care for blondes ,but, i was attracted to her. Strong Swedish traits with bright blue eyes. No contacts. No hair dye. All natural. She was a Lane Bryant type girl...a real woman with all the right curves. She walked into an office that I thought the door was locked as I was throwing the meat in one of her co-workers. Now keep in mind I was in a good stroke mode and the girl had placed a towel in her mouth to muffle the noise as she was a screamer. You could tell she was in a little shock when she seen what was going onand shut the door quickley. The bitch I was sticking it to was a boney little bitch and not my type ,but, i am not one for turning down pussy.

After I finished with Olive Oyl, we walked out and she went to the restroom to go clean up. I walked past my future wife and we smiled at each other. Her smile was definately forced as she was still in a little shock. Mine was saying " I will be back to tap that ". ( To be continued in parts. . .)

[Devotee]

Ah, love at first sight! Please continue.

[LouSiffer]

As an addendum, everything in this is true to the best of my recollection. I am posting this for a few reasons.
1: I am bored as fuck at work.
2: it is for your entertainment.
3: if you have a good person in your life, this may help you find a new level of appreciation for that person.
4: It's stress relief

So if you want, sit back, enjoy, laugh, cry, be in awe .... Whatever. Just remember Lou loves you guys and gals!!

[atomic charvel guy]

the thing is , there is no hell. I'm talking afterlife here. There is hell on earth, that is a fact.
If you hate what you do for a living, you're in hell, if you love what you do for a living, then , well,
i guess you could say you have won in life. But as far as afterlife stuff, I believe you get one shot down here and
then you're out, and hopefully, you've been cool enough to the people you've been with during your life and you are remembered
fondly. That';s the only currency you'll be able to take with you into your grave.
Just my unhumble opinion.
And Lou, you are not evil. not even by a longshot. That also depenmds on what your definition of evil is.

[Nightbat]

The only Bastardly Evil thing we can accuse you of, is leaving us hanging for Part 2

[emperor_black]

subscribed.

[LouSiffer]

( Continued)

I noticed she had these big full lips and plus sized girls generally love to take a man whole orally in order to show their worthiness. . . . And I like that. . . . alot!! I went back a couple nights later and we ran into each other. She was staring again ,but, her face had a different tone. It wasnt nervousness. . . it was desire. Yup, her work buddy was talking about me and her and how good a time she had. To clarify, i am not hung like a mule. I really wish I was ,but, I am not. I am a little bit bigger than average. . . which I am okay with because it could have very easily went the other way. However, I go out of my way to make sure the lucky person leaves satisfied. I have gotten more pussy because of women talking to their friends. Women call men dogs ,but, women pull off more shit than men do.

I ask my "future to be" out on a date. She declines as she was seeing someone. I then tell her I am playing at a music festival the upcoming weekend and that she and her boyfriend were invited and gave her a couple tickets. I am the consumate gentleman after all. I stop by her work a couple nights later and seen she was crying. I did not want to butt in so I let it go. It wasnt my business after all. I just didnt realize it was going to be in a big way.

A few nights later we are playing our show on a large chunk of land outside of city limits. We finish our first set and mingle with the crowd. There were a few thousand people in attendance for the weekend long show. We were a new band that did not have much exposure ,but, we had some good songs we wrote.... and we covered Pantera's " Walk " which is never a bad thing.

One of the more widely known bands in the area came up to us after the show and complimented us on our songs and how tight we played considering we were only together for a few weeks. I was a fan of their music. They told me they dug the way I played as it was different than most. I play like a drummer plays ,but, on a guitar. Very rythmic yet, lots of stops and starts.

My head swelled as I never really get compliments. I decided to celebrate. Whiskey flowed and weed was burned. I popped a Viagra. Laugh if you want, but, when i drink a certain amount, it becomes a crap shoot about the quality of the soldier standing at attention. I hooked up with this girl and she tells she goes both ways but only with her friend. Her friend was not that attractive ,but, again I dont really turn down pussy.... Especially a three way. So, we head back to my 16 foot pull behind camper and have at it. These 2 girls are doing some of the craziest, kinkiest and funnest shit ever! I would like to go into details ,but, this is not about porn, per se....

As me and the girls are done, we climb out of the camper and sure enough, the future Mrs. Is there with her female friend and she sees the girls leaving my camper. They walk up and, I, remembering that I invited her and her boyfriend, mentioned something like " Damn, your boyfriend is just as hot as you!!"

She says she and her man broke up as she caught him fucking one of her friends. I offer them drinks. She refuses as she is not a drinker but her friend accepts. She does the teasing thing about why the girls were leaving my camper. I told her we were just in there cooling off in the AC. She wanted to believe me ,but, she knew what was going on. After a couple hours, she said she had to go to work and her friend was getting looped. Her friend did not want to leave. She asked if I could take her home the next day. I said I would. I also said she could sleep in the other bed of my camper. Yup, we fucked. My dick was shooting powder by the time I was done fucking that weekend.

I have an abnormally high sex drive. I am aware of this. I am okay with this. When I hit that stage of my young life, I was jerking it 5-10 times a day. I got my first real piece of ass at 12 years old with these twin sisters. We were playing truth or dare and it didnt take long for us to realize what each of our intentions were. I dared one to show me her tits. She did. Then she dared her sister to show my the pussy. She did. I got skipped a dare and she went right back at her sister " Let him lick yours." She did. She upped the ante, " Let him stick in your mouth". She did...and I loved it. She ups it again, " Let him stick it in you " She did. FOUND. HEAVEN!!!! Well, I found it for about 10-15 seconds. I came. . . I didnt know to pull out. I remember my knees buckled, I fall on the dirt floor in this old dirty ass garage. My body was.spasming like I just got shot with a taser. I was at a moment in my life where I was trying to piece together what just happened. I just had the greatest feeling my body had ever felt, but, I didnt remember shit. It all happened to fast. All I remember is the girl I just spooged in was running around the garage screaming like a, well, a gir because she has this goo dripping out of her. Her sister is laughing her ass off amd I just wanted to do it all again. ( To be Continued. . . )

[MetalDaze]

This kind of reminds me of the Penthouse Forum Letters. Does anyone actually buy those magazines anymore?

[LouSiffer]

Sorry about any mispellings or grammatical errors. Auto correct is a pain on my tablet and i am too lazy to.fix it.

[Rsmacker]

I play like a drummer plays ,but, on a guitar.

Me too = shit, like a chimp trying to decide which end to fuck. It's why superstardom has eluded me.

I popped a Viagra. Laugh if you want, but, when i drink a certain amount, it becomes a crap shoot about the quality of the soldier standing at attention.

Hmmm, when you go to the bogs though, every bloke in the place is going to be aware you have a boner that will cut diamonds. And you will spray piss all over yourself. Apparently.

These 2 girls are doing some of the craziest, kinkiest and funnest shit ever! I would like to go into details ,but, this is not about porn, per se....

Oh go on. I'll give you a prize if you shock me. Dirtpipe milkshake anyone?

They walk up and, I, remembering that I invited her and her boyfriend, mentioned something like " Damn, your boyfriend is just as hot as you!!"

My Wilksy-Baby has just cum in his pants. He wants to know if you are a stone or a sponge when you are batting from both ends. He's bi-curious, I say he's curious, and bi.

She says she and her man broke up as she caught him fucking one of her friends. I offer them drinks. She refuses as she is not a drinker but her friend accepts.

Not even one little Roofies and Tonic?

I have an abnormally high sex drive. I am aware of this. I am okay with this. When I hit that stage of my young life, I was jerking it 5-10 times a day. I got my first real piece of ass at 12 years old with these twin sisters. We were playing truth or dare and it didnt take long for us to realize what each of our intentions were. I dared one to show me her tits. She did. Then she dared her sister to show my the pussy. She did. I got skipped a dare and she went right back at her sister " Let him lick yours." She did. She upped the ante, " Let him stick in your mouth". She did...and I loved it. She ups it again, " Let him stick it in you " She did. FOUND. HEAVEN!!!! Well, I found it for about 10-15 seconds. I came. . . I didnt know to pull out. I remember my knees buckled, I fall on the dirt floor in this old dirty ass garage. My body was.spasming like I just got shot with a taser. I was at a moment in my life where I was trying to piece together what just happened. I just had the greatest feeling my body had ever felt, but, I didnt remember shit. It all happened to fast. All I remember is the girl I just spooged in was running around the garage screaming like a, well, a gir because she has this goo dripping out of her. Her sister is laughing her ass off amd I just wanted to do it all again. ( To be Continued. . . )

Paging Blazer! Blazer, come to the Gary Glitter Suite.

Come on, let's be having the rest of it. I can tell you what the answer to any questions, any advice you nay need will be though - Arse To Mouth.

[emperor_black]

[Twitch]

Paging Blazer! Blazer, come to the Gary Glitter Suite.

Come on, let's be having the rest of it. I can tell you what the answer to any questions, any advice you nay need will be though - Arse To Mouth.

Man, he said he was 12 at the time as well. Not they were 12 and this happened a few days ago.

[horns666]

Lou..nevermind me. I eating 50+ wings while enjoyin' your shit. I'm tryin' not get wing juice ...ahhh fuggit.

I got about 8 ounces of wing juice in my beard!! I'll keep adding some more..i like it.

[horns666]

I was eating greasy hot wings while reading Lou's thread. I washed my hands really good, but I forgot to wash my face and beard good. Obviously, I had wing juice still on my shit..because it was gettin' good at Bubblebutts.com...then this happened!!!

Arrrrggggg...it burns...it burns......my peep..

[LouSiffer]

( continued )

We will leave the beginning of my sexual endeavors alone for awhile.

A couple weeks after our outdoor show have gone by, I am still boning my future Mrs. best friend. Right after we get done boning, she tells me I need to ask my future Mrs. Back out as she is definately interested. So, I do. She said yes, but, she was not interested in anything serious as she just got out of a relationship. This tells me she just needs some meat slammed up in her. I have no problem with that.

A few nights later, I am sliding it in her friend again when she calls. I am literally still giving it to her friend doggy style while we were talking. I roll over off her and lay down while she is giving me oral completion. . . . Still talking to my wife. The wife asks if I can meet her in a bit. I tell her I can. Me and friend continue on and I realize I am running late. I jump into my clothes, spray on some cologne and head off to my date.

We met at a restaurant and ordered food and drinks. We talked and whatnot. Had a good time. We go back to my house and we end up in bed. She wouldnt put out. I didnt care for some reason. She stayed the night . We woke up and she went to work. Her friend call me later and asks how it went. I told her. She asked if she could come over so we could fuck. You know what my answer was. This went on for a week. I date one, hose the other. Then it happened. The friend decides she wants to go anal. You dont need to ask me twice. I am pounding the pooper like a mad man. I love this. I dont have to worry about getting the bitch pregnant. She found out she loves it too.

The friend leaves and she could not have gotten around the corner of the street when the wife pulls up. She knocks and i let her in. As soon as the door is shut, she is all over me. As I am standing there, she drops to her knees and starts pulling my zipper down. Yup, she got a taste of poop dick. Must not have been too bad as she never flinched. She kept on it like a champ. She tells me this will have to do as it is her time of the month. I tell her its cool, just take it in the can. She said she never did it before and continued on with the oral treatment. After a few minutes, she said she would try it, but, i had to be careful. I go into the kitchen and grab the only thing i could find. . . .vegetable oil. Yup, i wasnt careful. I just chucked it right up in there. She complained at first, but, she got used to it.

After a shower and some booze, we started talking and she said she wanted a serious relationship with me. I thought i would do the decent thing and break off the romping with her best friend. Well, just one more scrog before we break it off. It turns out her best friend of many years will be more of a friend to me than to her later on. While it may appears that she is lacking morals at this time, I can assure you, she is probably one of the most truthful and well rounded people you could meet. Plus, she has her own Harley.

Now, the wife feels its time I meet her parents. You need to realize, I am considerably older than my wife. . . . By about 8 years. I was 30 when we met. She was 22. Her mother was 43 and her father was 45. The first thing I noticed with her mother is thar she was attrractive. Her dad was a bit over weight , basic rural family. Now, I can be a hard person to take. I am a little loud, a little crude, but, completely harmless. I dont think her Dad thought too much of me ,but, I could tell by the look in her mothers eye, that she found me amusing. Come to find out, her mother has that country girl ornriness. She also has that country girl big heart and sense of duty to her family. She is a woman when she needs to be a woman and a lady when she needs to be a lady. She is how I got trapped into this mess. You know the saying, " If you want to know what your wife is going to be like, look at her mother ". I thought I hit the lottery at this point. I was wrong. . . . boy was I wrong!! ( to be continued )