I am an evil bastard and there is a special place in Hell for me!

[Larz]

Forget the pics, this thread is useless without video!

[levantin]

Whole new definition to the term guitar porn.

[Endrik]

Not cool, you got no taste at all...





....vegetable oil? We cool cats do it with butter.

[Rsmacker]

Then it happened. The friend decides she wants to go anal. You dont need to ask me twice. I am pounding the pooper like a mad man. I love this. I dont have to worry about getting the bitch pregnant. She found out she loves it too.

Thank fuck for that! And you like a spot of "pegging" too, right? Yay!

The friend leaves and she could not have gotten around the corner of the street when the wife pulls up. She knocks and i let her in. As soon as the door is shut, she is all over me. As I am standing there, she drops to her knees and starts pulling my zipper down. Yup, she got a taste of poop dick. Must not have been too bad as she never flinched. She kept on it like a champ. She tells me this will have to do as it is her time of the month. I tell her its cool, just take it in the can. She said she never did it before and continued on with the oral treatment. After a few minutes, she said she would try it, but, i had to be careful. I go into the kitchen and grab the only thing i could find. . . .vegetable oil. Yup, i wasnt careful. I just chucked it right up in there. She complained at first, but, she got used to it.

Bingo! Excellent work that man, though I suspect the reason she never complained about the bum nougat-flavoured cock is because you neglected to tell her it had just been up her friend's dirtbox, am I right? You naughty rascal! Ah well, so long as she didn't find any tomato skins or sweetcorn on your helmet, she'll never mind.

After a shower and some booze, we started talking and she said she wanted a serious relationship with me. I thought i would do the decent thing and break off the romping with her best friend. Well, just one more scrog before we break it off. It turns out her best friend of many years will be more of a friend to me than to her later on. While it may appears that she is lacking morals at this time, I can assure you, she is probably one of the most truthful and well rounded people you could meet. Plus, she has her own Harley.

Now, the wife feels its time I meet her parents.

WHOA!! So hang on, you cornhole her before you sink it in the pink, THEN she says she wants a serious relationship and that you should meet her parents??? Now, I have no idea where this story is going (but I'm loving it), but I have to say that your Potential Crazy Chick siren should have been wailing at this point.

The first thing I noticed with her mother is thar she was attrractive. Her dad was a bit over weight , basic rural family. Now, I can be a hard person to take. I am a little loud, a little crude, but, completely harmless. I dont think her Dad thought too much of me ,but, I could tell by the look in her mothers eye, that she found me amusing. Come to find out, her mother has that country girl ornriness. She also has that country girl big heart and sense of duty to her family.

Erm, does she have that "basic rural family" finger thing going on? It can be a major surprise when you are counting her put her fingers up your bum, you get to 6, then realise that's just one hand.
Her Dad is never going to think much of you, Dads never do. They think that you will be sticking a freshly shitty cock into their little Princess' gob or something. Dunno where they get that idea from...

This tale is brilliant, I can't wait for the next installment. We DO need pics though!!

[tonemonster]

This is classic stuff.

[jacksoncsplayer]

This is fuckin Brilliant!

[LouSiffer]

( continued )

So we are dating. Spending crazy amounts of time with each other and never leaving each others side. Her best friend hangs out with us quite a bit. We never made goo goo eyes at each other or played foot tag. We knew what we did was just what it was and nothing more. Just sex. Remember I said my wife was a Lane Bryant girl. Yes, it means she was a full figured gal. . . not fat, unless you like toothpicks. The other part of this is that she had interest from Lane Bryant to model for them. She has a beautiful face and all the right features. She thought about it, met with them, but, decided it was something she did not want to pursue.

Now through this time of dating, I was awe struck by the way her family did things and interacted with each other. It was like one of those things you seen on TV. A very close nit family. If i stubbed my toe, everyone knew about it within a few hours. This was surreal to me as my family was fucked up. There was no molestation or anything like that in my family ,but, we were extremely misguided children. We never really had structure growing up. Our parents us in private clubs/bars until the wee hours of the morning. We would go into the Eagles club carrying blankets and pillows and sleep in the booths while our parents played poker in the back. This went on for while until my parents decided to have all these guys come to our house and play one a week. This went on for years.

Booze was always coming up missing because of me and my sister. Dads weed always kept coming up light, again because me and my sister. We were just in our teens and not coming home for days at a time. We just had to call once a day to let them know we were still alive. My sister and I had free reigns to do just about anything. My little brother was spoiled beyond belief.

We werent poor, werent rich. My parents made okay money. The issue was the gambling and dads pill addiction. Dad would eat speeders when he woke up and then eat hand fulls of darvacets, valiums and percocets to mellow him out through the day. He ate enough pills at one time to kill a couple of average men.

My brother, the baby of the bunch, was spoiled beyond belief. By the time he was in grade school, he was dressed head to toe in Nike regalia, he had his own room with color TV and game systems out the ass. He wanted his own room, so i was kicked out of the room we shared and tossed into the upstairs where dad never got around to having the windows installed as well as there was no ducting for heat or AC.

I was resorted to wearing hand me downs , yard sale clothes, ans sometimes new clothes from Kmart. Sometimes I would get a new pair of shoes called Traxx. These were the Kmart house special. These shoes were plastic and would crack and break walking to school on a cold winter morning. When I was 12, this guy that lived across the street offered me a job in his garage and it paid $50 a week. I would go in, clean the shop and wash cars then he would teach me how to work on them. He was a nice guy. I found out later that he had a wife and small son that were killed in auto accident. I think I was his surrogate son.

I was 12 years old making $50 a week. I thought I hit the lottery. I was buying my own clothes and shoes. Over the course of time I was buying high end skateboards and and BMX bikes. Bought my first guitar, a BC Rich Warlock Rave series. I thought it was the shit then. I didnt realize that it was a real shitty guitar. In my early teens, I had all these nice clothes, bikes, skateboards and shit that I bought
myself. My brother had all the same shit,but, it was bought by my parents. My sister was well taken care of as my dad always felt that since she was the only girl, she was in a class of her own.
Mom and dad knew that we were out getting into shit ,but, didnt care. The one thing I learned from my parents was how NOT to raise kids.

So, beause of the way we were raised, you can see why i had this fascination with the structure of my wifes family. I was also developing a fascination for her mother. I think it was just her charm and the ornry personality hiding behind her smile. From what little time we had spent together, I noticed she was more outgoing when her husband was not around. My father inlaw is a very devout Christian. He doesnt throw it in your face ,but, he has certain expectations of people around him. I dont believe in this sort of thing ,but, I find it more adventageous to act like them as they are very sensative. I figure I will get even with them for making me follow.along for this shit sometime in the future.

[Razor]

So, did you pork your mother in law or what???

[LouSiffer]

There is more. . . Forgot the ( continued )

[Scooter]

There is more. . . Forgot the ( continued )

Teaser!

[LouSiffer]

( continued )

So i had been dating me wife for some time and had met all of her family. I met her aunt, who is my age. We went to school together. She wasnt a party girl so to speak, but, she would occasionally show up to one. Never drank, never smoked, never did drugs. Was a country girl and married her high school sweetheart.

Over the next year, things were great. I was bahaved as far as where I was sticking my egg roll. We get engaged. Shortly after the ring went on her finger, I noticed something changed. My wife started gaining some weight. I didnt think much about it as I realize it is not all about looks. . . but, you do have to have some feeling of physical attractiveness. I also noticed her personality started to change. I just checked it off as the excitement of the up coming wedding. She went and had her dress sized about 6 months before the wedding. This was a mistake on her behalf.

She mentioned to me that she didnt understand why I had so many guitars. I remember the guitars I had at the time: An 83 Les Paul Standard, Red Charvel pointy USA, Ibanez 7 string, Glow in the dark Jackson strat and a Gibson strat with the Explorer headstock. She also mentioned she did not understand why I liked to play guitar or play in front of people. Now this should have been a red flag ,but, hindsight and all. Whats even funnier is that I later on find out that she majored in drama and play. I think that she definately understands why i like to perform.

As we get closer to the first day of the ruining of my life, I notice that she is really putting on the pounds. When we met, she was 5'8" and 150 pounds. Perfect shape and size in my opinion. By our wedding date, she was at 240. I was 6' and 220. Her wedding dress couldnt even be resized. She had to buy another.

We had a beautiful wedding. It was around Christmas, so we got to borrow and blend in alot of the reds, golds, cremes, etc. We did not get to go on a honeymoon as we just started new jobs and were unable to take the time. After the newness wore off, I noticed the wife's demeanor was changing. She started to get a little bossy. I dont really know how or why, but, I ended selling off my guitars with the exception of the Ibanez 7 string as I deemed it my most versatile guitar. I think the wife had something to do with it as I will be damned to know where the money went. I didnt get anything out of it. She had a major part in me leaving my band too, I just didnt realize it at the time.

Now, you may be painting a picture of this fire breathing succubus, but, as I was to later find out, my wife looks like the sweetest and most caring person in the world ,but, its not the case. I assure you, she is caring. . . . she cares about her. This becomes more obvious as time goes on.

I came into this relationship with 2 children. At the time, my daughter was 3 and my son was 2. My inlaws were great with them. The wife was good, too. The kids loved to spend time with the inlaws. My mother inlaw and I had grown closer. Constantly joking with each other and sneaking and grabbing each others asses for fun. I found that my wifes grandmother was a very sweet person as well. I could see where my mother inlaw got it. I also noticed that kindness skipped my wife and her aunt. Well, her aunt found it later on after a slap in the face from life. ( continued )

[Rsmacker]

So you married a fat chick?

Not to worry, fat chicks work harder, everyone knows that. Just don't let them dribble onto your car seat.

Come on, I'm treading water here, I need you to get to the bit where you A2M the mother-in-law and then smile sweetly at her husband when she kisses him.

[LouSiffer]

( continued )

We moved closer to our jobs which now put us about an hour and half away from our families. She was miserable as she is a person that needs to be near her family. I caved in and bought her a dog as she had always had one. This worked for a while ,but, she started going back and spending the weekends with her parents. This was fine as it gave me time to myself.

Then she started talking about wanting kids. I said numerous times I did not want anymore. This turned into arguments on a regular basis. She asked why and i told her the truth: I had already been through the diaper changes, up all night with sick kids, taking care of them and I dont want to do it again. I am not wired up to be a good parent. I have love for my children. I would kill and die for them without hesitation. I, however am not responsible enough to be a good parent. Sure, I make sure they are fed, cleaned, learned, mannered, housed, clothed, and taught right from wrong. I just do not like to. I have the " travel light, travel fast " mentality and kids really slow me down. I just like to be able to wake up and take off to where ever, whenever. . . . and you cant do that with kids unless you are a parent that has nothing to do with your kids. I make sure my kids know that I love them.

So for the next couple years or so, this went on. My wife was gaining even more weight. With her bleach white skin and all the rolls, she looked like the Michelin Tire Man.... with one exception. Her body had become such a toxic waste sight that she had developed these Mt. Vesuvias sized boils/zits/ lesions or whatever you call them on her stomachs and the black, I am guessing burn marks where the fat rubbed together between her legs. I was sitting on the couch minding my own business eating breakfast one morning and she came down with no clothes on goes into the Captain Morgan stance with her leg propped up on the coffe table. She barely uttered the words " You want to eat this instead?" and I vomited my breakfast down my shirt, on the couch and on the floor. She asked if I was sick. I said I was feeling ill so I wouldnt hurt her feelings. I have never made fun of her about her weight to her face. I always said " You are too beautiful to be in this condition." It does not work. She has reverse anorexia. . . She thinks she is smaller than what she is. She has no clue as to her condition.

I found out that my mother inlaw loves strawberry margaritas. She really loves mine. I make them so someone gets looped off 1 maybe 2 and they never taste the alcohol. Here is how I make them: Dalys mix, ice, tequilla, a few fresh strawberries a shot of lime juice and the kicker. . . . a shot of Everclear. She would come to visit us and stay with us on weekends that her husband was busy or out of town. She and I had meny heart to heart talks late at night while she was buzzing from the booze. She had no filter and told me everything. She talked about her lack of sex life. I could relate since my wife was only in the mood now once every few months. I was attracted to her now more than ever. I got to know her very well. The more I learned about her the more I thought about her. I never put any moves on her. I wanted to ,but, I was married to her daughter and still had reservations about how sincere her interest was in me.

I never really told my wife " No " on anything other than the kid issue. She was free to do what she wanted when she wanted. As long as the bills were paid she could buy or go where she wanted. Then the bills started coming past due. I had bought a few more guitars and some gear to help replenish what I stupidly sold before. I asked her what was going on and she played dumb. I worked overtime to make up the money and it just kept getting worse. I had to sell off pretty much everything as I found out she had herself buried into those cash advance places. I knew it wasnt a crack or coke addiction , but, at least she was finally putting out. Then I get a call from her best friend from the beginning of this story. Come to find out, the wife had been telling me she was going to her parents for the weekend ,but, instead she was spending the weekends with an ex unemployed boyfriend. I was working overtime and selling my gear so she could give him money to live and fuck his brains out. The simple answer is to leave. I know ,but, I wasnt ready financially for obvious reasons and I have no one. I am it. Just me.

( continued. . . . )

[bratfink]

This is great.

Wish I was cool

[LouSiffer]

( Continued )

So as my wife decided to have an extra curricular sex life. I figured I might as well, too. I didnt just go right out and shag someone. It took a few weeks. I had to learn how to play the game again. It was at about this time I had learned hypnosis. Women love hypnotists!! I found that this was the best gimmick on the planet aside from waving wads of cash and a 11" cock around.

At this point in time, she does not know that I am aware of what she was doing. I will admit, I got excited when I thought about how I just porked some skank a little bit ago and she is sucking the vaj juice of my wang probably just after she got done fucking her ex. She never could figure out why I stopped kissing her. I didnt want to stick my mouth where some other dudes wang might have been. In fact, she was really curious why I started using condoms. I made it a point to fuck a couple of her work friends. Girls are not ashamed to fuck their friends man. Especially if they think the man is a good guy getting a raw deal. I would go out with her friends and shamelessly talk about how she gets what she wants. She then ups and gives all the details about how she is spoiled and I play stupid. Once I get alone with one of her friends, if they dont volunteer to tell me what is going on, I tell them that I know. Once they hit you with the sad eyes that say " I cant believe she is doing this to him. " , you are all up in it.

One Friday evening when the wife went to see her " parents ", I got a knock on the door. It was my mother inlaw. She said she just dropped her husband off at the airport and was going to stay the night with us. She asked where the wife was at. I told her that she was out with some friends. I fixed us a nice dinner and some margaritas. We talked for a bit and she wondered why her daughter hasnt showed up yet. I told her the truth about what was going on with her. I never mentioned I was out fucking whoever I could, however. She apologized over and over and of course I reassured her I wasnt mad about it. She was curious why I wasnt upset. I told her the only reason I married my wife because I wanted to be closer to her.

It was on!! We was rolling around having crazy monkey sex. I didnt really expect her to be as free as she was considering the way she acted normally ,but, she loved the cock!! The only thing she refuses is anal. Thank God for Viagra and black electrical tape. She must have gone a really long time without sex as we never really stopped that weekend with the exception of showering and eating. Thats where the Viagra came in. Even as high as my sex drive is, I cant
keep it up for constant use for 2 days of non-stop fucking. The electrical tape came in handy for covering up that little red light on my cam corder. Yup, I have several hours of video footage of me fucking the shit out of my mother inlaw from just that weekend alone.

The wife always called and said when she was on her way. I was laying on my back with my mother inlaw riding me as she told me she had a good time at her parents house. She goes " Dad is gone and mom says Hi ". Her mother hears this and leans over in my ear and says " I didnt say Hi. . . .I said I love you.. . . And I am coming again". I tell my wife " Tell her I love her too and as soon as she gets rid of your dad, i will get rid of you and we can be together." My wife is trying to sell this story so bad, she pulls the phone away and says what I told her to outloud like she is really telling her mother. . . . Which was a good thing as the mother inlaw came really hard when she heard me say that.. . . And she moaned. My wife was curious as to what that noise was. I told her I was jerking off to porn. She didnt believe me. So, me being the smart ass I am say " I am fucking your mother. You thought she sent to the restroom. She drove up here and now she is riding me" . She goes yeah whatever. I will be home in an hour.

My mother inlaw leaves and the wife shows up. I didnt take a shower. She puts up a good act and talks about how horny she is and starts blowing me. I have hit the mountain top. She is now sucking her moms vaj juice off my wang.

( continued )