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Hey all, I just need to vent a bit, and seeing as how I hate 98% of the people I know as of lately, I figured I'd talk to some great people I met on the internet! 
Onto my rant. For those of you that actually know me in person, (a whole 2 people), can agree I'm a very nice and caring person. I'll joke around a lot and fuck with people, but in general I'm very courteous and helpful even for those I don't know, I'm just that kind of a person. I don't mean to toot my own horn, (I don't own a horn instrument), but I just want you to put this all in perspective.
My mom and I have had a strained relationship. When I was 12, her and my dad split up and she began drinking and partying A LOT, so I had to start taking care of my brothers due to her absence, which would usually last a day or two. When I was 16 or 15ish, my mom found out she had breast cancer. In 2 years she beat it and was back to her normal self. This time "born again" and drinking even more. She was also hanging out with the wrong crowd, and I was used to finding drugs in her room, and not just marijuana. During these years she became more abusive to me and my brothers, but we all kept strong. Last October, we found out she had cancer again. This time bone, a bit of lung, and liver. Since then they were able to get rid of the lung and liver cancer, but the bone cancer will be her demise, and she has only 3-5 years left of life.
I graduated about 2 years ago. I am living at home and working a good (albeit on call) job. I am a courier for a medical laboratory, which means I pick up various samples and drop off results to clinics, then bring said samples back to a main laboratory for analysis. I get paid well, but I have to use my mothers car since I can't yet afford one, (and she screwed me out of getting one, see below). I also have band practices twice a week, which means I have to use the car. I absolutely love driving, and in her defence she gives me a great amount of freedom with the car as long as I put in gas.
Since April, she's been on so much medication her license was taken away, and with neither of my brothers old enough to have their G2, I'm the one who drives everywhere. Again I don't mind it, I only get solace when driving the car.
Ever since November, I've been going on some harder times personally. 4 years ago I had a mental breakdown and have been very depressed since then. Due to this and my family, I've also been very stressed out, with nothing seeming to get better. Here's where the rant come in...
Ever since she was diagnosed with cancer the second time, she's been mentally and partially physically abusive. She's been very stressed out, and takes her anger out on us. I do see why she does this, given her situation, but there's always a time and a place. I also think the medication she's on makes her bi-polar, as we get along the one day, and the next day she yells at me and says I'm lazy, abusive, etc. We had a fight a week before she left for Edmonton for 3 weeks, and during the time she was here we only had contact via e-mail. She said the usual bs about how she never did anything bad to me as a mother, and how she thinks it's time I move out. This phase only lasts a few days, then she needs something and apologizes. The past few days we've been getting along, her calling me and such, but she sent me an e-mail today which says she's firm on kicking me out as soon as she gets back.
I feel extremely betrayed. Call it what you will, I've essentially put my life on hold to help my family out entirely. She's put me through absolute hell, and lately for some reason I've actually been feeling more positive. If she kicks me out, not only will I have absolutely no where to go, I won't have the car to do my great job, (I could easily get full time employment, but I'd have to get my own car), and I don't have enough money to go to school since most of the money I made went to bills and buying things for my family. Nor do I have enough money for a car in this "shituation." So basically every positive thing in my life will be taken away from me.
I just don't know how else to put it, I just feel betrayed. Another story of her screwing me over is car related. Before she lost her license, she said she would help me cosign a car, and pay the insurance on it so that I could do things for her and have something besides many guitars that is 100% mine. I was ecstatic, looking at cars, insurance quotes, etc, but then out of nowhere she decided not to do that. Instead, she wanted to get a Ford Mustang GT for her and my brother, and sell me her old car (2009 Dodge Journey, great car imo), but for around $15k, well way beyond what the car is worth, and what I could feasibly afford. Uh, ok. That stings but still it's a car and I like it, right? Then she did lose her license, and decided not to get me a car, but to get my brother one as soon as he got his G2. I was sent into an outrage upon hearing this, for obvious reasons.
Basically, the moral of the story is don't ever care or help people, only think about yourself. Because no matter what, you'll always get fucked over so many times and so badly, there will be nothing in the world you can see with a positive attitude.
I'm sorry for my extremely long/whiney rant, but thank you to those that gave it the time to read it. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, I just needed to talk to somebody.
Onto my rant. For those of you that actually know me in person, (a whole 2 people), can agree I'm a very nice and caring person. I'll joke around a lot and fuck with people, but in general I'm very courteous and helpful even for those I don't know, I'm just that kind of a person. I don't mean to toot my own horn, (I don't own a horn instrument), but I just want you to put this all in perspective.
My mom and I have had a strained relationship. When I was 12, her and my dad split up and she began drinking and partying A LOT, so I had to start taking care of my brothers due to her absence, which would usually last a day or two. When I was 16 or 15ish, my mom found out she had breast cancer. In 2 years she beat it and was back to her normal self. This time "born again" and drinking even more. She was also hanging out with the wrong crowd, and I was used to finding drugs in her room, and not just marijuana. During these years she became more abusive to me and my brothers, but we all kept strong. Last October, we found out she had cancer again. This time bone, a bit of lung, and liver. Since then they were able to get rid of the lung and liver cancer, but the bone cancer will be her demise, and she has only 3-5 years left of life.
I graduated about 2 years ago. I am living at home and working a good (albeit on call) job. I am a courier for a medical laboratory, which means I pick up various samples and drop off results to clinics, then bring said samples back to a main laboratory for analysis. I get paid well, but I have to use my mothers car since I can't yet afford one, (and she screwed me out of getting one, see below). I also have band practices twice a week, which means I have to use the car. I absolutely love driving, and in her defence she gives me a great amount of freedom with the car as long as I put in gas.
Since April, she's been on so much medication her license was taken away, and with neither of my brothers old enough to have their G2, I'm the one who drives everywhere. Again I don't mind it, I only get solace when driving the car.
Ever since November, I've been going on some harder times personally. 4 years ago I had a mental breakdown and have been very depressed since then. Due to this and my family, I've also been very stressed out, with nothing seeming to get better. Here's where the rant come in...
Ever since she was diagnosed with cancer the second time, she's been mentally and partially physically abusive. She's been very stressed out, and takes her anger out on us. I do see why she does this, given her situation, but there's always a time and a place. I also think the medication she's on makes her bi-polar, as we get along the one day, and the next day she yells at me and says I'm lazy, abusive, etc. We had a fight a week before she left for Edmonton for 3 weeks, and during the time she was here we only had contact via e-mail. She said the usual bs about how she never did anything bad to me as a mother, and how she thinks it's time I move out. This phase only lasts a few days, then she needs something and apologizes. The past few days we've been getting along, her calling me and such, but she sent me an e-mail today which says she's firm on kicking me out as soon as she gets back.
I feel extremely betrayed. Call it what you will, I've essentially put my life on hold to help my family out entirely. She's put me through absolute hell, and lately for some reason I've actually been feeling more positive. If she kicks me out, not only will I have absolutely no where to go, I won't have the car to do my great job, (I could easily get full time employment, but I'd have to get my own car), and I don't have enough money to go to school since most of the money I made went to bills and buying things for my family. Nor do I have enough money for a car in this "shituation." So basically every positive thing in my life will be taken away from me.
I just don't know how else to put it, I just feel betrayed. Another story of her screwing me over is car related. Before she lost her license, she said she would help me cosign a car, and pay the insurance on it so that I could do things for her and have something besides many guitars that is 100% mine. I was ecstatic, looking at cars, insurance quotes, etc, but then out of nowhere she decided not to do that. Instead, she wanted to get a Ford Mustang GT for her and my brother, and sell me her old car (2009 Dodge Journey, great car imo), but for around $15k, well way beyond what the car is worth, and what I could feasibly afford. Uh, ok. That stings but still it's a car and I like it, right? Then she did lose her license, and decided not to get me a car, but to get my brother one as soon as he got his G2. I was sent into an outrage upon hearing this, for obvious reasons.
Basically, the moral of the story is don't ever care or help people, only think about yourself. Because no matter what, you'll always get fucked over so many times and so badly, there will be nothing in the world you can see with a positive attitude.
I'm sorry for my extremely long/whiney rant, but thank you to those that gave it the time to read it. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, I just needed to talk to somebody.
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