The Post your true stories you never tell because people wouldn't believe you thread!

[atomic charvel guy]

Cmoooon just spill it!

It wasn't you, it was "some dude you used to know".

O.K. Whoopster, i'll hook you guys up with one tomorrow. maybe. you guys won't believe it. and it's gonna take a while to write,
and i'm buzzed right now on my beloved weed, so tomorrow i'll get a heavy laden coffee and let it loose.
it's not going to be an over the top drug story or anything like that, but it's really a good description of what things were like
in 1987 for me, I was 22 at the time. i still don't believe it myself, as wrong as the act was, it;'s still a cool stat in my book of
personal reckless achievements. it's a dubious honor, but the story delivers. of course it will deliver because no matter what i did
in those days, epic moments were frequent, every single week, tons of shit to howl about, man getting old sucks, i wasn't supposed to
get this far as it was. youth is wasted on the young. see you tomorrow.

[atomic charvel guy]

ok. here goes. I'm 22 years old, it's 1987. i'm in a club or bar 7 days a week because it was that easy to get laid.
I met this girl, who shall go nameless, she was very beautiful. it was at L'Amour East on Queens blvd. in new york,
a great rock club that held thousands of people. On friday, and or sat in those days you went to l'amour in brooklyn, or l'amour east.
on sunday you would go to the Limelight. On Mondays and Tuesdays many various bars. wednesday night, my personal favorite was the Cat Club
in the city. Thursdays turned into going to L'Amour Far East out on long island, way out there as well, it was a hike, for a little while at least
before it shut down.
Anyway, you could go to these clubs, leave with 5-10 phone numbers, get laid in the car in the parking lot and go back into the club and meet another girl
or make out with a bunch of them which all lead to them eventually coming over to your house at some point in the next couple of days. It was truly a 3 girl a week situation going on, and they paid for alot of the drinks.
So I meet this girl, instant attraction, and instant lay in her car in the parking lot. She clung to me the rest of the night though, and it was cool
as she was awfully tasty looking. the girl turns out to be really cool, she was from the island and started driving over to my house everyday
to fuck, go to the local bar, or watch rehearsals, etc., she was so pretty and cool she had brainwashed me into the decision to become boyfriend and girlfriend.
this girl faked me right out of my socks. We're a week into our relationship, we're in her car in front of my house about to get out and go downstairs
to the basement ping pong room in my house to fuck, when a car pulls up in back of us and parks. The girl starts to yell at me-"Tommy run!! Run!!!"
I'm like run from what? we're in front of my sacred house i'm not running anywhere. She's pleading with me to run and get going now!!
I say agin, why??!! She then says- "Tommy, it's my husband!" I'm like holy shit, i'm a dead man, and i said to myself, o.k. pal let's face the music.
I get out of the car, my hair is crankingly long, i'm wearing a long leather coat and some jeans, scarves, bracelets, kinda jake e. lee ripoff look, and her
husband is a body builder. He was huge and would have eaten me alive if he wanted to. Then again, lifting weights does not mean you can fight, but this guy
i gotta give him credit , he was very cool to me. He was looking at me like my wife left me for this guy? Total opposites in appearance. I walk right up to him,
I said look man, i don't fuck with other guys girls, much less their wives, i don't need to, i'm an effortless receiever of tail, and if you're gonna kill me,
do it now, but i swear to you she made no mention of it to me that she even had boyfriend. He accepted my plea, and said i'm not mad at you, it's my wife i want to kill right now. She screams-"I'm not your fuckin' wife!!" I say-"you two have alot to talkabout, can you please both drive off and do it somewhere else? again, I'm sorry man, and you (pointing at the girl) never ever call here or come back here again" and i looked at the guy and he just said that's cool.
Here's the sick part coming. This was a tuesday night. The girl screeches off and the husband screeches off following her. I wipe my brow and am thankful for not getting beaten or shot. I go into my house, sit down, put on the honeymooners, it was around 11-11:30 p.m. and try to process what i just got out of.
10 minutes later, the girl shows back up and is knocking on the front door, meanwhile my parents who were asleep are like what the fuck tommy!!
I'm like nothing guys, go back to bed. I open the door, the girl says Tommy hold me, let me in please. I said get the fuck out of here, and whre's your husband?
She would not leave. I let her in the house to prevent her from causing more yelling and noise. She's like I want to be with you Tommy.
I said you are out of your fucking skull, please get out now and never come back. then, out of nowhere, the phone rings, i answer it quickly to lessen the anxiety level on my parents who i put through hell my whole life, and it's the girl's mother of all people. She says to me-is this Tommy? I said yes who is this?
She says (let's call the girl's name Esmeralda for the fuck of it) this is esmerelda'smother, did you know esmereld was married? i said i did not but i do now and i never want to see her again. Esmerelda runs over grabs the phone starts cursing at her mom, i wrestle the phone back from her and assure her mom i am not a problem and that i'm throwing esmerelda out now and to never contact me again and i hang up. She's begging for me to stay with her. I tell her to go to mental hospital to get checked out. I'm pushingher out the door when the phone rings again. i'm like motherfucker!! I run and answer the phone on the 2nd ring, now my parents are pissed off, it's Esmerelda's fathernow calling, and my mom also picks up the phone upstairs and hears the whole conversation to come.
I said hello!!! The man's voice says is this tommy? i said yes!! He says this is esmerldas father, did you know she was married? I said no but i do now and don't call here ever again, i want nothing to do with her. I'm sending her out now if you'd stop calling and waking up my parents. My mom is now glued to this situation going on being that she was on the phone too. Her father says to me, I need to know something tommy. i said fine but after i'm hanging up and its done.
He asks me if i was with her on sunday night, a mere two nights before this. I said yes I was. The father then says to me, Tommy, that was her wedding night,
a wedding i spent a fortune on. I said, sir, i had no idea she even had a boyfriend much less a fiancee and now a husband, so the problem is with your daughter,
have it out with her, i apologize but it's not my fault. he tells me in the middle of her reception she ran out like a bat out of hell and jumped in her mazda RX7 and bolted. I'm looking in disbelief at this girls face while her father is dropping this shit on me, not to mention my mother who's on the line, who now jumps in and says
atta boy Tommy, way to go champ, way to mess up lives . I'm like Mom are you kidding me??? It's not my fault, for godsakes!! I then apologize one last time to the father, insist he never call the house again, and then i tell him, i need to know something. i asked him how did you get my phone number? He then tells me that Esmerelda and her husband have matching red mazda RX7's and she took his by accident so he found the directions to my house and phone number in her car after the reception exodus investigations that ensued. I walk her out to her car, tell her to never contact me again, my neighbors are laughing at me as they heard and saw the initial confrontation with the husband, they're like boy you escaped out of that one, that was hairy man. I'm like i can't believe this shit.
My mother opens the bedroom window and says of the 8 children i have brought into this world, you by far have me praying to god for you more than the other 7 combined and promptly shuts the window.

the sickest part of all- one week later, Esmerelda gets a job waitressing at L'Amour East so she can keep an eye on me and in hopes of still hooking up.
I'd meet girls and she would come up and flip out and totally ruin my groove. She then proceeds to tell every girl in the palce she's fucking me, iget slapped in the face by two girls after that who i happened to be seeing as well, and right after the slapping, who is in front of me again but her husband. My band is totally cracking up at me, i tell the husband, you cannot be mad at me, i hang outhere, and you need to either take your wife home now, or get rid of her, she's a psychopath, nothing less and no matter what she looks like, you can do better. He was totally cool to me, he understood i did nothing. The great part is after the slapping, other girls took notice and were like hmmmm, he must be interesting to hang out with, and i luckily fell back into wolf mode again.
So I spent a night with a girl who had hours earlier just tied the knot, but I consumated the marriage.
This is a true fuckin' story. By athena's justice though ,that girl had spirit i tell you. She was the horniest girl i'd ever come across in my entire life
until i got out here in California.

[tonemonster]

Awesome story tommy. You and her husband should drank beer and went fishing. LOL. Anyone else got any stories like Lou and Tommy??

[Whoopu2]

Awesome. That's all I have to say about that.

[atomic charvel guy]

sure was some dog and pony show going on back then, no computers, no cell phones,
just blind ambition and artful dodgering and rodgering, the old fashioned way.

[emperor_black]

Nice story, but like Xeno's story, I was hoping it would end like this "...and that was the day I found out Esmerelda was actually Lita Ford"

[atomic charvel guy]

emperor, i hung out one night at the Comedy store with Lita and her new band back in '93 or so.
I went with my friend Lenny who was responsible for getting the bullet Boys signed, he had some good connections, was friends with her,
and we had a riot, she was very cool, and she had a black girl for her new lead singer at the time.
One of the comics tried to roast me as we were in the very front tables. He said you're kinda pretty, you look like a girl, cuz of my hair
of course, and i shouted back- "buddy, if i look like any of the girls you've been with i feel sorry for ya!"
I shut him up and even got some applause, he left me alone after that. I was juiced up on blow, valium and gin if i recall correctly,
that mix will give you some severe courage and stupidity all at the same time. Lita Ford was really cool, we had a bunch of laughs.
I had a shot at her new singer but it just didn't happen, she was cute, would have been my first black girl if i had gotten to close the deal.
Make e'm laugh i tell you, that's as powerful as playing live in my opinion. almost.

[emperor_black]

[RacerX]

Matching red RX7s!!! Bwahahahahahahahaha! Of all the LOLs in your story Tommy that hit me as the funniest!

[atomic charvel guy]

sick ain't it Ron. human beings are so bent it's a wonder we survive at all.

[Shawn Lutz]

damn Tommy....that brings me back to 87, ah, the good old days. I moved from Detroit to Houston, I was 23 and on my own for the first time but I don't kiss and tell lol I will say that the women there were hotter than what I was getting around Detroit area. When in Detroit I got tang because I was playing live. In Houston I just had to show up at a club and hotties would pick me up and I'm an ugly mofo lol

[Endrik]

That's probably the most Disney Channel friendly New York story I've heard from Tommy but naturally the juiciest stuff isn't meant to be heard by everyone.

[atomic charvel guy]

That's probably the most Disney Channel friendly New York story I've heard from Tommy but naturally the juiciest stuff isn't meant to be heard by everyone.

correct sir. this was just a dubious, vanilla enough story with just enough retardation in it to reveal.

Shawn, i went to Dallas for only 1 day on business, and the girls there were the friendliest, and awfully hot.
there is top flight box in texas, no doubt.

[tonemonster]

[QUOTE=atomic charvel guy;]cuz of my of course.[/qoute]
That hair. Nations have gone to war over hair like that

[atomic charvel guy]

i sure hope it grows back Tone, it's only at my shoulders now. i look younger though with shorter hair so that's a plus at least.
at 47, i don't think it can grow back to where it was, just don't have the juices like i used to. who knows, maybe i'll just staple a
piece of the carpet to my head and go the easy route.