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When I was in my late teens and early 20's and not married along with the rest of my skinny spandex wearing long haired band mates I had no problem doing either. Basically it went like this... We were all good looking and we attracted the girls and took advantage of most of them. Because all the girls would come to our shows the guys would follow. Because we were a very good band and we played all the most popular metal songs the audience grew and grew and were totally connected to our audience in both age and musical taste. We made sure we put our pictures on the posters and all advertisements and because of this we had no problems packing every place we played. That was between 1979 and 1989. I have been playing live in bands ever since. Beatles tribute bands, classic rock bands, death metal, progressive, originals, top 40, pop. I have been in everything and am currently in a very popular cover band. At 52 years old even though I get nothing but compliments on the band and my guitar and singing ability I just don't feel that connected to the audience. There are many other bands that have members that are old farts like me but they usually are playing blues or classic rock. The metal bands with old farts in them are usually guys that still have long hair, live home with their parents, are fully ink'd up and divorced or unmarried. They attract the older women who are usually divorced who love metal or hard rock. A perfect match. Older metal dudes for older metal chicks. They connect because they have a lot of things in common. I don't have anything in common with most of the people that come to our shows. Because of this.. I am completely animated on stage because for me.. when I have a guitar on I am on stage I am LOCKED AND LOADED. The problem is in between sets and after the last set. I have pretty much nothing to say to anybody at the club. The people that are screaming and going crazy for the band are generally single divorced metal head chicks or people that are my kids ages. Its pretty normal for people to ask me what's wrong when we aren't on stage. Basically there is nothing wrong. I just don't feel connected to most of the people there (and we pack every place we play). I would rather hide in the green room before, between and after the shows but unfortunately there aren't any green rooms or places for the band to hang out in at the places we play. Its not that I dislike the crowd. Rather.. I love the crowd. When we are onstage I am connected with all of them and tearing it up. I play for the crowd. Their interaction and responses is what gets me going. I just have a problem when I am NOT onstage. I also don't enjoy compliments. Of course I remain gracious but I would rather not get any compliments. Sounds weird to me. If I could stay on stage the entire night it would be cool. If I could disappear in between sets that would be cool too. Even my band mates comment on how I am COMPLETELY different once the show starts and how I Jekyll and Hyde when the set is over. 
I was the same way when I had a band. If people I actually knew outside the band (co-workers) showed up, I'd hang out with them between sets, but other than that, I was in the "green room" waiting till the next set. I would have preferred to spend 4 hours on stage myself, then collect my kudos with genuine modesty and pack up my shit and git. I don't drink, I don't do the muscle car thing, I don't have kids and exes and all that stuff "the general population" has, and have met few other musicians who could be called "musicians" around here. Plenty of people who think they are musicians, but have been playing about a week, or have been playing for 20 years and never moved beyond the first week, so talking music and gear with them is like stepping back in time a thousand years. Sorry for the wall of text but for some reason I can't get line breaks by hitting the Enter key. Dunno if it's IE or the board?
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