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**Jackson8090s** · 10-15-2015, 01:05 PM

Sounds like there isn't enough practice , on their own or with the band and 2 of the members aren't at the other members performance lvl. It's a bust !

Oh and you're not to old... yet

**BenoA** · 10-15-2015, 02:05 PM

Thanks Jackson8090s... I know I'm not too old... But I just may be "tired" of the whole band drama stuff...

**shreddermon** · 10-15-2015, 02:32 PM

I went through a similar situation several years back. In my case, it was less about band dynamics and more about career and family. Between work and family/kids commitments, I just couldn't dedicate the time needed for the band to develop. Not to mention that almost everyone else in the band was a music teacher, so practicing wasn't a problem for them. (Unlike me, that was part of their career! LOL)

I came to the conclusion that, despite the fact that we were all enjoying ourselves, I was holding them back. I couldn't commit to the same level they were shooting for. So I had to bow out. It was a tough choice required by career/family, as well as the good of the band. It royally sucked, but was the right thing to do. I still miss it.

And, yep, those responsibilities and competing interests are part of the "getting old" routine. LOL

**pianoguyy** · 10-15-2015, 02:43 PM

Well, you know what else the family won't want to hear --- SILENCE.

If I am not talking about some music story (sex, drugs, rnr), then I really have nothing to talk about.

I don't even like recanting too many stories.
In fact, I was just at a family member's wedding. Someone I didn't know from the groom's side started talking to me. At one point I actually had to stop the conversation with "dude, this is a nice quiet family gathering. That kind of stuff is not appropriate to talk about here."

But damnit, had that one chick talked to me - I may have been willing to ham it up so I could get in her skirt in the bathroom.

--------------------

But as to the feeling old amongst bandmates ----
I don't ask people their ages (other than for legal stuff). We play music. I am not going to hang out with anyone afterwards. At some point in the growing old/up phase, you have to start treating it like a job. You show up and do what you need to do. Otherwise, you have those "I don't fit in anymore" feelings. My 'girlfriends' can be an 18 year old stripper or a 72 year old that went to high school with my father (she was 57 when we dated). I'm a chameleon like that. I may not fit in anywhere, but I can blend in anywhere. Bandmates too. Once you all come together for work, for that common work goal, instead of trying to be 'in a band', things work well.

Oh, and the other thing..
At some point, you have to realize that you aren't going to be famous. Once that happens, you quit trying to do 'publicity' shows like battle of the bands, and you just go have the paying gigs.

**veemagic** · 10-15-2015, 07:34 PM

I think it may be as simple as your just burned out on this band, and thats ok. Take a break from it for awhile. Try something else, or don't. Don't make a all or nothing decision, theres no need. For me, when a band starts to feel like a job, it completely kills the creative jazz I get from it. The harder I push to stay, the worse it gets. Then there is zero reason for me to be there. This is something that took me a long time to learn. I am 44, and when this happens now I just move to something opposite of what I was doing. From a 5 piece metal band to a 2 piece acoustic thing for awhile, and it re-energizes me. Something about the simplicity, the stripped down basics of what got me into music to begin with. When I am ready for a "full" band situation again I know it, and then I go back. Take some time. Recharge your batteries. Play with your son, and love music without the BS. You'll be fine

**horns666** · 10-15-2015, 08:22 PM

VEE MAGICKAL BASTAGE!! Get your ass back in my casa where you belong. You know our love is true..just me and you..that shoot the goo. See, Kenye can learn alot from me. I'm a wordsmith!

You too Shredmonsta..where's Ron..Tommy..damn dickholes. On Facebook!? Stupid asses..

BEN-O-A..Please QUIT QUIT QUIT. Play for yourself. Fuck age, look at older peers ruling their world. Uli Roth plays for himself..sometimes he plays to 7 people or 7000. It doesn't matter. Music will ALWAYS be a part of your life. Quitters quit playing, and they should. Muscians never quit playing. Even with all the dynamcs of family life, or life itself..it's a rollercoaster. Go for the ride.

You don't need negative silly drama. Music should flow with others or not. They'll use any excuse to hold you down. Too old ..too fat..too ugly...too whatever. Fuck that shit. Maybe they can't hang with you. They won't admit that..they're assholes.

Your wife, like mine..she doesn't get in the way with our playing. Buying gear that we can afford. She's there. No, she don't want the negavtive bullshit from losers. You don't either. So quitting those hacks is a win/win. They're hacks..fuggums. Show them this. Please. Tell them to fuck themselves. Take your shit home and play, and be a family man first. Take care of yourself first..then ones that matter most. Fuck everything else. It'll come..but play no matter what. I'm playing like a kid again..2-8 hours all by myself. Man it feels good..and sounds better than ever.

Your fire is there don't let lame assholes pee on it. Trust me. these are facts.

You'll feel much better. Even pros quit to go back home. Work on stuff themselves and come out blazing when timing is right. You'll never look back. Stop carrying others that drag you down..dead weight. Look how they drag life like a ball and chain. They don't want to do well, because they're not. Vampires that will suck your energy.

Do that..and live a good life. Your mind, wife, health, family and playing will benefit.

Billz

**neilli** · 10-15-2015, 08:41 PM

Yeah, sounds like you need a break from that particular band - when you're just going along with stuff your heart isn't into, it stops being fun pretty fast.

I'm at the other end of the same process though, where I have 2 young kids and while I feel like I 'should' be in a band, or at very least getting into home recording. But by the time they go to bed and I have some time where I won't be interrupted, I just have no motivation left in me at all and I just need to slump into the couch..

**horns666** · 10-15-2015, 09:48 PM

Originally posted by neilli View Post

Yeah, sounds like you need a break from that particular band - when you're just going along with stuff your heart isn't into, it stops being fun pretty fast.

I'm at the other end of the same process though, where I have 2 young kids and while I feel like I 'should' be in a band, or at very least getting into home recording. But by the time they go to bed and I have some time where I won't be interrupted, I just have no motivation left in me at all and I just need to slump into the couch..

Neilli..Shredaholic Rex. You can hang man..we'd prolly get on just fine. Benoa too. I'm a die hard shredder. The faster the better.

Playing with my son is the best feeling in the world, and he makes me very proud. Shawn/Glen Drover thought he was amazing. I mean they were blown away. It doesn't get better than that. That's right before Megadave. Shawn stayed on. Glen wanted to go back home. He missed home. We're very similar in style. But, I cultivated a strange unorthadox tapping style the last couple years. The very reason I've been vacant here. Just woodshedding...like when we were kids.

Being in my own world with family is the best thing that happened to me. Now, I'm 10 times the player I ever was. Everything went full circle.

Shredding for hours by yourself is the best meditation and therapy in the world! I have ZERO family drama, because family matters most. People are drama..fuggums.

**Hellbat** · 10-15-2015, 09:55 PM

If you do it to have fun, and you're not having fun then I would say it's time to hang it up with that band. But try and find some like minded individuals that want to play for the same reasons you do. Bill is right, playing music, even just with yourself is amazing therapy. But it is more fun and rewarding playing with other people too.

**DRM** · 10-16-2015, 06:21 AM

Bill is spot fucking on.

Walk away from anything that brings you negativity. Life is too short and too precious to waste any time trying to make sense of anything negative. I'm sure that no one is on their death bed wishing they had spent less time with their family and loved ones.

**BenoA** · 10-16-2015, 11:27 AM

Originally posted by horns666 View Post

BEN-O-A..Please QUIT QUIT QUIT. Play for yourself. Fuck age, look at older peers ruling their world. Music will ALWAYS be a part of your life. Quitters quit playing, and they should. Muscians never quit playing. Even with all the dynamcs of family life, or life itself..it's a rollercoaster. Go for the ride.

You don't need negative silly drama. Music should flow with others or not.

Your wife, like mine..she doesn't get in the way with our playing. Buying gear that we can afford. She's there. No, she don't want the negavtive bullshit from losers. You don't either. So quitting those hacks is a win/win. They're hacks..fuggums. Show them this. Please. Tell them to fuck themselves. Take your shit home and play, and be a family man first. Take care of yourself first..then ones that matter most. Fuck everything else. It'll come..but play no matter what.

Your fire is there don't let lame assholes pee on it. Trust me. these are facts.

Originally posted by horns666 View Post

Shredding for hours by yourself is the best meditation and therapy in the world!

Billz, thanks for the good laugh and those nice words of wisedom

Originally posted by DRM View Post

Bill is spot fucking on.

Walk away from anything that brings you negativity. Life is too short and too precious to waste any time trying to make sense of anything negative. I'm sure that no one is on their death bed wishing they had spent less time with their family and loved ones.

Thanks everyone! Sometimes, "venting" like I did let's you clear your mind. I really appreciated the comments. I enjoyed your replies and it made me feel like the good ol' days of the JCF forum.

We had a rehearsal last evening. I'll do their gig a the end of November and then I will leave.

On my side, as I said above in my first post, as we're expecting rain this weekend and I will start planning that music room I've been talking about for so many years. So I'll be able to jam with my youngest son who's getting way better at the drums! Rock on!

**veemagic** · 10-16-2015, 07:42 PM

Ahhh my master doth speaketh the truth! I shall return to the casa del fuggems and continue my studies from the giant golden book of PEEPS!

**horns666** · 10-16-2015, 11:18 PM

PEEEEEPPPS!!!! It's orange Peep season. That marshallowy goodness is all you need to live on. Satan tempted Jesus with Peeps. Christ broke..oh they left that part out. Fuck that bread alone shit pweee. That's how he came back to life on Easter.. magic Peeps.

The key to immortality...Peeps. The blue ones!

I lost 50 lbs on an all Peep diet! I lost a few teeth..pulled 'em with plyers. Do you know why..because that's baddass!

BEN-O-RAMA..your son plays drums. Dude you got ALL you need right there. I taught my kid how to play drums just by jammin' with him. I can't play drums to save my life. He smokes all the drummers I know put together. Now he's an arpeggio nut and has a right hand faster than anyone I've seen! So jammin' with him ...it's the bomb! We teach each other stuff..we predict our every move..it couldn't be better! He's the PERFECT jam buddy!! I'm proud he's got that in him. He lit the fire under my ass. I got good because of it. We like to challenge each other...it's so damn awesome!

If I bite the gig one today. He's the only one on the planet that can sound exactly like me. It's like Zappa does Zappa..exactly.

**PowerTube** · 10-17-2015, 11:57 PM

You're only as old as the women you feel.

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Too old for the "band" thing?

Too old for the "band" thing?

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