That's just the way it is

[Nightbat]

Apologies for this useless rant, but I bloody need to try and get this crap off my chest.



Now, I'm probably correct in assuming some of you guys have gone through a midlife crisis, well mine was 18 years ago,... when I was 23!

I had some bad luck growing up, but after leaving school, for a while, everything apparently was heading into a positive direction.
Then suddenly, I found out that nothing I had worked for, put effort in, turned out to be real.
I crashed and burned.
If it wasn't for a loving mother, a few good friends and a supportive colleague, I don't know if I'd had made it.

All in all, it took me 4 years of my life to pull myself together again.
I considered my biggest error was expecting too much of life, so I set my standards way down.
Life wasn't perfect, great, or even good, but it was at least became more livable. Being in a hole, the chances of going up are almost a guarantee.
After any rain, there may have been no sunshine, but least I wasn't marching in the mud every day. and in that capability, I soldiered on for the next 14 years.


So I've arrived at now.

And I'm guessing it's back with a vengeance.
It comes down to the fact that I have been doing nothing but 'surviving' the past years


The feeling I have, call it battle fatigue, it's like being in WW1,

The past 18 years have been a drudging stalemate, where either most of the gains I made had to be returned, or were lost somewhere else.
Any attack that I made, that should have been a breakthrough, was pushed back, at best I've managed to prevent being overrun.

...and this past year, with all the bullshit thrown my way, heading for a burnout, trying to make the best of things, I really needed a victory for once.
But there's not even a reprieve, while I've already been too bloody long in the trenches.

[VitaminG]

sorry to hear it, man. Don't know what to tell you. What works for me (or others) may not work for you. But I will tell you - get some help, speak to a professional, get tested for dietary/hormonal/other biochemical issues that might be messing with your head. I found out a few years ago that because I'm vegetarian, I'm severely B12 deficient. Meat products are about the only way to get B12 in the doses that we require. My doctor recommended taking a supplement & balancing that out has helped with my head. I could still probably stand some professional talk therapy, possibly even some kind of medication. But things are more manageable now.

And ignore anyone telling to take a walk in the forest or dip your toes in the ocean because while those things can be therapeutic, they're not going to resolve whatever is bothering you.

[lefty]

Continue being strong. The fact that you can face your struggles and articulate them here
shows a lot of courage. You WILL make it through to the other side!

BTW, BÖC is my all-time favorite band, so ya know I'm pulling for ya!

[Nightbat]

I've been to a professional 18 years ago, both types.
Thing is: these people aren't there to solve your "issues", merely for you to understand them or accept them (with copious amounts of drugs if need be, fuck that shit!
I might be Dutch, but apart from tobacco and coffee, I steered as clear as possible from the other crap, quite an accomplishment with the environment I spent my youth in).
I went there to get answers, my whole life has already been nothing but a fucking platitude, like hell is being told even more of them a solution.

This isn't an issue about strength, it's about hope.
I have a history that would rival that of a school shooter, but I never gave in to the anger and frustration, because "things would improve".
When I crashed at 23, I was 23, I picked myself up with the "knowledge" that I had the years to change myself and that things around me would chance.
but as everyone's life evolved, I've been stuck being 23, and not even that, because, for example, that loving mother, I had to pull the plug on 10 years ago.
For the past 18 years, I've been working and paying, which is ironic, because that's what made me crash back then: Realizing that I was nothing more than a tool.
Nothing fucking changed, if retirement and death were my next 2 big events in life back then, they still are now, it might be just 1 event, with the dire straights my job is in.
and I don't consider "unemployment" a thing to look forward to, what use is an unused tool?

[Rsmacker]

what use is an unused tool?

My thoughts exactly - so I got out there and boned anything I could get my custard chucker into - and still do, wha-hey! See how low you can go, see how utterly depraved you really are, it's a wonderful thing to plumb the depths!
You only live once.

[Nightbat]

My thoughts exactly - so I got out there and boned anything I could get my custard chucker into

Sorry, can't afford them.


Don't get me wrong Rs, you have the total freedom to be some kind of sexual deviant that may make Satan himself Ga-Vomit
But that's not really what I had in mind, I don't like to be used like some condom, so I won't be the hypocrite and enact in the same practices I condemn others for


I'm currently quite jealous of psychopaths, I must say (edit: this is in no way intended towards you Rsmacker)

[synapsistheory]

Google or Youtube these two words: Corey Wayne

...and then immerse yourself in his wisdom and teachings!

Corey's work focuses on teaching self-reliance, self-motivation, how to become the person you were always meant to be, and also how to achieve and get anything that you want out of life. His first book, "How To Be A 3% Man" literally, hands-down, changed my life! I can't recommend his work enough! Go on Amazon and read the reviews for his books.

"No matter what is going on in your life you should not lose your feeling of inner peace and optimism about your future. When we allow the circumstances of our lives to un-center us or diminish us in any way by assigning negative meanings to circumstances , this negatively impacts our happiness, finances, business, relationships, friendships, and our overall quality of life. The only thing we have control over in life is the meanings we give to those events and circumstances. If we allow ourselves to become un-centered and fearful, many things we hold dear in our lives will unravel quickly and create even greater chaos and fear." - C.W.

[Nightbat]

The only thing we have control over in life is the meanings we give to those events and circumstances.

Though I'm not some robot with an off switch, I've grown colder and colder, yet still somehow get affected by giving a shit about what fails in my life, what Mr. Wayne means is,
that I have to become some apathetic entity that has no such things as morals or feelings,
so I basically wouldn't need a motivational course, because I wouldn't need to give a fuck anymore anyway


I've been thinking positive with every fucking disaster that has been flung at my head, been thinking positive with every thing I started on, which only ended in disappointment.
I could have drank myself in a stupor for 18 years and still have exactly the same fucking results.

Now, I'm WRECKED, nobody expects a car to run a million miles without a tune up once in a while, but somehow, I'm expected to keep going the distance.
Every day, I jump on my bike, which is falling apart, to a job I've been doing my best at for 18 years, which is falling apart, to work with a close group of people which is slowly falling apart, when done, go home to a house that is falling apart, to take care of a sister who's as grateful as a narcissistic leech for me saving her lazy broke ass the past 10 years, needless to say: that sibling relationship is also falling apart, and in the meantime, I'm trying my best not to fall apart myself.

I'm 41, what the FUCK is keeping that silver lining?!?!

[synapsistheory]

Though I'm not some robot with an off switch, I've grown colder and colder, yet still somehow get affected by giving a shit about what fails in my life, what Mr. Wayne means is,
that I have to become some apathetic entity that has no such things as morals or feelings,
so I basically wouldn't need a motivational course, because I wouldn't need to give a fuck anymore anyway

No, that's not what Corey means, that's just your negative interpretation of this particular quote and it really shows us all how bad of an attitude you have. Nowhere in his book or videos does he teach that you need to "become some apathetic entity that has no such things as morals or feelings". This is such a false statement and such a negative outlook, it's no wonder your life is in the dumps. God damn!

I've been thinking positive with every fucking disaster that has been flung at my head, been thinking positive with every thing I started on, which only ended in disappointment.
I could have drank myself in a stupor for 18 years and still have exactly the same fucking results.

Now, I'm WRECKED, nobody expects a car to run a million miles without a tune up once in a while, but somehow, I'm expected to keep going the distance.
Every day, I jump on my bike, which is falling apart, to a job I've been doing my best at for 18 years, which is falling apart, to work with a close group of people which is slowly falling apart, when done, go home to a house that is falling apart, to take care of a sister who's as grateful as a narcissistic leech for me saving her lazy broke ass the past 10 years, needless to say: that sibling relationship is also falling apart, and in the meantime, I'm trying my best not to fall apart myself.

I'm 41, what the FUCK is keeping that silver lining?!?!

This may sound really harsh, but the truth hurts...

You claim you're so positive yet you keep regurgitating the same negative pity-party bullshit. At some point YOU need to participate in your own rescue. MAN UP! Take some responsibility and change your life! No one else is going to do it for you. What you allow is what will continue.

You hate your job? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Get a new one! YOUR choice! Don't make excuses why you can't.

You hate taking care of your lazy, broke, and ungrateful sister? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Put some distance between you and her. A grown ass woman is NOT your responsibility. And she keeps "mooching" off you because you keep allowing her to. Again, your choice. No excuses.

You have no one to blame but yourself for your circumstances and outlook. You allow these things. Crying and bitching about it isn't gonna fix it. Life is only 10% your circumstances and 90% how you react to those circumstances. Sounds to me like you STILL have a piss-poor attitude.

Here you have people that don't even know you offering you advice and trying to help you and you just shoot it down. Who's the ungrateful one? Hmmmm...

As the saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink". Such is the case here. We can all give you the tools, but it's up to you whether you use them or whether you continue down your negative, depressing, self-loathing, apathetic spiral of bullshit.

Choose wisely.

Your own happiness, health, well-being, and life depend on it...not ours.

Good luck!

[Nightbat]

Don't you fucking tell me to man up, I wasn't responsible for needing to pull the plug on my mom, but I sure as hell was the one that was forced to make the fucking decision.
I wasn't the fucking ass dragging our company down the drain, I was the one taking responsibility of my work, trying to get the work out of the door so we could make money.
Though yeah, I was the one taking responsibility for my family, yeah, big fucking mistake, but it's kind of hard not to when it's about all you have left.

And I SURE AS HELL haven't been sitting on my ass pissing away my life on booze, drugs, crime, and whatever else sets you up for a decent life these days, after fucking pulling myself out of a hole, I worked to become a fucking decent guy in society.
The only thing I got for free in life was a pair of decent parents, though I couldn't enjoy that for very long, for the rest I had to fucking work, and no, I didn't screw over anyone "to get ahead", I didn't take advantage of anyone for a profit
Yeah, I lead this horse to water, I can't make it drink dust when the fucking well's run dry

[JacksonPyro]

AS i read through this it becomes clear that we are all in the same situation. Life deos not seem fair to anyone of us and many of us question our daily routine.
From the outside you might perceive my life or someone else heres life as wonderful and perfect; Maybe the cookie cutter pretty wife, kids, job, car, house, etc.. and think we dont struggle with the details.

YOU ARE WRONG.

Heres are some kudos for not excessively abusing drugs and alcohol and here is another positive comment .. im more than ten years older than you and i know you dont think 41 its a young age, but it is. At any moment you can change your coordinates. Take a different road.

you are single, in decent enough physical condition to ride a bike, and you can work. I would get off my ass and move to another state or country for a while. Take your skills go play in a bar band in any f-ing other place than where you are now and discover some different scenery. or you can sit and rot in that no-where situation.

The thing is its all how we perceive things. we build up the circumstances in our own mind and think that is the way things are. But your situation is only grim in your own mind in your head. Someone else might just do like i said and get out and find a little blonde or brunette hotty with a different outlook on life and a whole different social environment for just a little while. Or someone else might find another passion and not passion for the female form but a passion like photography, or hiking or cooking or whatever.

your stuck in a never-ending loop. your parents coddled you your whole life with the straitjacket of love. Most of us guys had to go our own way. away from our parents! anything else is un-natural. you never flew the coup dude. get out and fly.

best wishes and best of luck . it can be fun but it will never be easy that is a guarantee! its not easy for any guys (any man ). life is a bitch a lot of the time

[Nightbat]

Since I have no intention to blow a gasket every time someone makes assumptions, I'll leave it with this

your parents coddled you your whole life with the straitjacket of love.

Most of us guys had to go our own way. away from our parents!

One: I didn't get coddled. just because my mother didn't bail on me when I was a mess, doesn't mean "she smothered me with love"
Two: I didn't get the choice to walk away from my parents, because in both cases I walked away from their graves.
Fuck the house, fuck the job, fuck my bike, fuck my guitars.
But don't expect me to be forced to walk away from everyone I ever cared about and not giving a fuck, like I'm some goddamned narcissist.

Late edit:
I never expected life to be easy, so far, it never has been, but I sure as hell am fucking tired of it being an amassment of bad luck.

[PowerTube]

Google or Youtube these two words: Corey Wayne

...and then immerse yourself in his wisdom and teachings!

My suggestion is slightly different:

Youtube these two words: Tom Leykis

...and then immerse yourself in his wisdom and teachings!

The problem with "Coach" Corey Wayne, like all other "relationship experts" i.e. pickup artists, is that they have you focus on women. Well, women generally suck these days.

Leykis will help you to understand and appreciate yourself more and have a better future, which will summon all the women you can stand.

Here's an example:

[PowerTube]

Let me go a little deeper on this one. The best and most important advice I can give anyone is this: your happiness comes from yourself. Forget about living within the standard that someone else sets for you. The world is full of people who "know what's best" for you. Screw them. When you look in the mirror, you see YOU, not them. They'll pat themselves on the back because they "advised" you, then go their merry way, regardless of whether their "advice" was right for you or not.

I'll let you in on a little secret, as well. The world, and people, are diverse for a reason. If this wasn't so, the human race would have gone extinct a long time ago. Everyone who has ever accomplished anything great did so over the howls of protest from other people. If Brian May had listened to his father (great man though his father was), he would have been an astronomer and not the guitarist of Queen. There are literally millions of other examples.

Here's my impersonation of the "average" person:

"Look at those idiotic Wright brothers, trying to build a flying machine. Give me a break! If they have any sense at all, they'll drop that stupidity and go get REAL jobs!"

"Look at those morons trying to build a ship out of steel! Are they crazy? Everyone knows that steel doesn't float."

"Look at that fool in that lab over there, thinking he can cure a disease."

The list goes on and on. People are stupid, yet they're so proud in their stupidity.

Want to know the purpose of life? It's actually quite simple. The purpose is to leave this place better then you found it. Period. It may be in a great way, or it may be in a tiny, seemingly insignificant way. Regardless, mankind advances in one way or another. Never forget that YOU have something to offer. Just because it may not be appreciated by certain individuals doesn't mean that it doesn't matter. Don't ever allow anyone to convince you otherwise.

My credentials: I'm an only child and both of my parents are deceased. But before either of them died, my wife of almost nine years died, leaving me to raise our two sons alone. Both of my wife's parents are dead, as well. Three years ago, I got totally railroaded out of the job I had planned to retire from.

But there's a reason for everything and some things we're not meant to understand. Take stock of the good things in your life and be thankful.

All the best.

[synapsistheory]

The problem with "Coach" Corey Wayne, like all other "relationship experts" i.e. pickup artists, is that they have you focus on women. Well, women generally suck these days.

Leykis will help you to understand and appreciate yourself more and have a better future, which will summon all the women you can stand.

Actually, PowerTube, if you would have fully read what I wrote and did any sort of investigating into Corey and his work(which I can tell you did'nt and instead quickly formed a false opinion by the immediate Google results for his name), he does'nt teach you to focus on women at all. He teaches you self-reliance...to focus on bettering yourself, investing your time in yourself, finding your purpose in life, your mission, developing a life that you love and are happy about, etc...and women will be a complimentary byproduct of that...which is the same thing you're talking about with this Tom fellow. Same teachings, different people.