upcoming republican convention sched.

[the_drip]

Subject: Republican Convention Schedule


New York, NY

6:00PM: Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30PM: Pledge of Allegiance
6:35PM: Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45PM: Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46PM: Seminar#1: "Iraq Strategies - Voodoo/DooDoo WMD"
7:30PM: First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35PM: Serve Freedom Fries
7:40PM: EPA Address #1: "Mercury - It's What's for Dinner"
8:00PM: Vote on which country to invade next.
8:10PM: Call EMT's to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15PM: John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos are after your Children!"
8:30PM: Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN ONLY)
8:50PM: Seminar #2: "Corporations: The Government of the Future"
9:05PM: Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10PM: EPA Address #2: "Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires"
9:30PM: Break for secret meetings
10:00PM: Second prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15PM: Carl Rove Lecture: "Doublespeak Made Easy"
10:30PM: Rumsfeld demonstration: "How to Squint and Talk Macho"
10:35PM: Bush demonstration of trademark "Deer in Headlights" Stare
10:40PM: John Ashcroft demonstration: "New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt"
10:45PM: Clarence Thomas reads list of Black Republicans
10:46PM: Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50PM: Seminar #3: "Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy"
11:10PM: Hillary Clinton Pinata
11:20PM: John Ashcroft's 2nd Lecture: "Evolutionists: The Dangerous New Cult"
11:30PM: Call to EMT's to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35PM: Blame Clinton
11:40PM: Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50PM: Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00AM: Nomination of George W Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

[fritzreiser]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

Originally posted by the_drip:
Subject: Republican Convention Schedule

11:10PM: Hillary Clinton Pinata

[img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

11:50PM: Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself

At least you have the wisdom to recognize that Jesus is a Republican! [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">

[fett]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

They were going have Reagan as the keynote speaker, but it turns out he can't make it. (I've already paid my respects. The season resumes.)

[nor]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

Subject: Democratic Convention Schedule

6:00PM: Opening Screech by Howard Dean
6:30PM: Honorary Tax Raising
6:35PM: Burning of US Flag
6:45PM: Salute to the Coalition of the Willing to Toss Someone Else's Medals
6:46PM: Seminar#1: "Taking Both Sides - Committing to None"
7:30PM: First Non-Inhalation of Medicinal-Use Fatties
7:35PM: Serve French Wine and Pastries
7:40PM: PITA Address #1: "Not On My Plate, You Bastards!"
8:00PM: Vote on which country to apologize/subsidize next.
8:10PM: Call EMT's to detox Ted Kennedy
8:15PM: Al Gore Lecture: "FGHYT FKGHY SLDKRTOFM DOFDJFG LIES!!!"
8:30PM: Round table discussion on reproductive rights (UGLY GAY WOMEN ONLY)
8:50PM: Seminar #2: "Communism isn't dead, it just needs government aid"
9:05PM: Second Non-Inhalation of Medicinal-Use Fatties
9:10PM: PITA Address #2: "The Poor Will Just Have to Find Something Else To Eat And Wear"
9:30PM: Break for ritual 'Bush is a Monkey' Chant
10:00PM: Second Screech by Al 'How did I get so damn marginallized?' Gore
10:15PM: Al Frankin Lecture: "How to Fail in Radio"
10:30PM: Michael Moore demonstration: "How to Stuff 18 hot dogs in your mouth and still talk shit"
10:35PM: Ted Kennedy demonstration of trademark "Drunk in Headlights" Stare
10:40PM: John Kerry demonstration: "Waffles - Euro Style"
10:45PM: Mandatory blocking of all non-communist-sympathizing judicial nominees
10:46PM: Third Non-Inhalation of Medicinal-Use Fatties
10:50PM: Seminar #3: "Education: It's really broken, so let's dump in a few extra trillion to teach undocumented visitors in their native language"
11:10PM: John Kerry to Refuse Nomination
11:11PM: John Kerry to Accept Nomination
11:12PM: John Kerry to Refuse to Accept That He Ever Refused to Accept Anything, Anywhe... I was in Vietnam!!
11:20PM: John Kerry's 2nd Lecture: "I hate waffles"
11:30PM: Restock bar for Ted Kennedy's second round
11:35PM: Blame Bush for supernova in star cluster NGC-1059
11:40PM: John Kerry serves waffles
11:50PM: Closing Screech by Hillary Clinton
12:00AM: Nomination of George W Bush as 'The Beast'

[Tekky]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

Just asking a question guys... Is this supposed to be funny? Just let me know and I'll laugh.

[ABSOLUT CHARVEL]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

No Hookers?

[Swillmaster]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

I belong to neither party, so will attend the following:
7:30PM: First Presidential Beer Bong
9:05PM: Second Presidential Beer Bong
10:46PM: Third Presidential Beer Bong

Now if the Democrats can reschedule their "medicinal" events in between we're in business.

[fett]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

Originally posted by ABSOLUT CHARVEL:
No Hookers?

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">This is not the PC term. For Republicans, they are referred to as "my neice". For Democratics, they are referred to as "my able -bodied assistant"

[PowerTube]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

Libertarian National Convention Schedule (the best I could come up with)....

6:00PM: Pledge of Allegiance
6:05PM: Reinstate the U.S. Constitution
6:30PM: Cut Taxes
7:30PM: Cut government spending
8:30PM: Re-Ratify the Bill of Rights
9:00PM: Pull military out of foreign countries
9:30PM: Legalize most drugs
9:45PM: Close drug task forces (no longer needed)
10:00PM: Repeal NAFTA
10:15PM: Close all stupid congressional subcommittees
10:45PM: Privatize schools
11:30PM: Repeal all gun control laws
11:45PM: Repeal plea bargaining laws
12:00PM: Kill all of the lawyers

[shreddermon]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

Actually, for both parties, they're referred to as "my intern". [img]graemlins/images/icons/tongue.gif[/img]

[Evol]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

Originally posted by nor:


10:15PM: Al Frankin Lecture: "How to Fail in Radio"

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">[img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] Dead Air America [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[fett]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

One thing all these conventions have in common is that at 12:01 AM everyone will be running around their hotels shit-faced looking for the one that got away at the last convention.

[Tekky]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

Guys... Not to sound like I'm taking Franken's side or anything, but Air America had some serious mis-management issues which lead to it's downfall. I don't actually believe that Franken had anything to do with it.

[OnlineStageGear]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

Subject: Democratic Convention Schedule

Day 2:

Sit around in a huge circle singing "Give Peace A Chance" and insisting that it will cause all terrorists and evil Dictators to leave us alone.

Day 3:

Fish dead bodies out of water wondering where Ted Kennedy is.

[Ralph E.]

Re: upcoming republican convention sched.

Originally posted by PowerTube:
Libertarian National Convention Schedule (the best I could come up with)....

6:00PM: Pledge of Allegiance
6:05PM: Reinstate the U.S. Constitution
6:30PM: Cut Taxes
7:30PM: Cut government spending
8:30PM: Re-Ratify the Bill of Rights
9:00PM: Pull military out of foreign countries
9:30PM: Legalize most drugs
9:45PM: Close drug task forces (no longer needed)
10:00PM: Repeal NAFTA
10:15PM: Close all stupid congressional subcommittees
10:45PM: Privatize schools
11:30PM: Repeal all gun control laws
11:45PM: Repeal plea bargaining laws
12:00PM: Kill all of the lawyers

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Powertube for President! [img]graemlins/idea2.gif[/img]