Bill's New Home

[lerxstcat]

Bill, ya gotta think this through! They make you the dick; so if you get a dickproof umbrella for the house - YOU'LL BE COCKBLOCKED! If you think it's bad NOW, just wait'll it's all that and no poontang too!

On the other hand, it would totally justify the SoCal vacation and you would love that, no doubt about it. Might not want to go back...

[Endrik]

looks like Estonia is on the metal news http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/bla...wsitemID=51816

the "incident" actually was that my fellow countrymen beat the shit out of this poor guy

[horns666]

Ahhh Poor Nick..I got pics of me and him..He was such a cool dude...he gave me a whole bunch of stuff for my son Vinny..drumsticks..signed stuff for him..hell Vinny has it hanging by his kit..that's his favorite drummer!!!!!

[horns666]

Ron, Rich..I think your right..E knows I want to run away from home and live with him in Estonia..with all those hot babes..

yeah I know there is hot babes in SoCal..but I want one that doesn't speak a lick of English..I want one that licks..but no English..and no speaking...in fact I want a hot deaf/mute!

My wife is hot..but she yaps too much...about peanut butter..and stuff like that..enough with the yapping..I swear she does sounds like a Chihuahua..and when I yell both Pico and her yap at me..I hate 'em!!

[Endrik]

Ahhh Poor Nick..I got pics of me and him..He was such a cool dude...he gave me a whole bunch of stuff for my son Vinny..drumsticks..signed stuff for him..hell Vinny has it hanging by his kit..that's his favorite drummer!!!!!

I'm not sure what really happened, I know that there was a concert a couple of days ago where a band called Nile played, Nick was their tour manager. He got beated up after the show I think. Maybe it was some usual jerks who don't have nothing do to or some Russian gang, but I'm not supprised, that shit happens here all the time.

[Endrik]

Ron, Rich..I think your right..E knows I want to run away from home and live with him in Estonia..with all those hot babes..

yeah I know there is hot babes in SoCal..but I want one that doesn't speak a lick of English..I want one that licks..but no English..and no speaking...in fact I want a hot deaf/mute!

My wife is hot..but she yaps too much...about peanut butter..and stuff like that..enough with the yapping..I swear she does sounds like a Chihuahua..and when I yell both Pico and her yap at me..I hate 'em!!

I know tons of chicks who don't talk much.....because they are stupid ....but hot has hell

[atomic charvel guy]

HAHAHA, Trouble in Paradise, eh? Bill, you need a vacation, man! You come on out here to SoCal (not Cali :p ) and hang out with me (and Tommy if he shows up) and Ace and yabba and VinceV etc etc. I'm serious, man, you're welcome at my pad anytime!

If I show up? I had over 15 dudes at my house for namm, in '03, then I went through a rough time Ron, for 3 years with the wife,the drugs, the everything that comes with it,etc. And I'd love to run you around the court on thursday, but after 8-9 hours of high pressure brokering, and the driving home, i am in el slacko mode right now, but I will play tennis with you one day, i promise. If Bill or Endy, or anyone came from far away i'll show up, plus you kidnapped hippietim anyway and never heard from you guys again this year-lol

[atomic charvel guy]

you're going to have to move closer to the beach as well Ron, you're too far away.

[Endrik]

damn, that's not right that a guy like Tommy has to work all day long in office. He should be a PR guy for a famous rock band so he can select groupies for himself and for the band, organizes parties and get drunk all the time.

I have some serious exams coming very soon and I don't do anything about it, I slack like a master, but right now I'm organizing a party, my good 'ol friend who was a little bit disabeled is pretty ok now so I'm dragging him into a huge orgy.

[Soap]

I'm just sharing...
Guys, I've learned some difficult lessons the hard way some more than others. I know firsthand what a difficult and strange person I can be, and I wish I had a dime each time I heard this.
Some of you might be able to relate and some not.

I lost about 5 years ago, the best job I've ever had to this day.
I was easily making $45-$50,000. a year.
The wifes job wasn't bad either. So between us we had very good finanical means, and we knew it. Due to Corporate decision/s the Plant was closed and not only myself, but approx 700-1000 people were also affected. The community suffered and is still suffering from the closing as well as other businesses bellied up.

We lived fine for about two years afterwards, but its amazing just how quickly two years can fly by. Then the reality of "whats next" hits you and its very sobering. It definietly casued me to ask alot of personal questions about myself. You know the usual stuff, what do I want to do now at this age in my life, with what available resources and etc? Back to School was the most sensible option, get a degree was the intended goal. Try reprograming a 40yr old brain again to be disciplined again. It wasn't easy.

The .com world bellied up, and tech work was getting shipped to mexico, cheap labor. So, the schooling "CIS" network wasn't working to my advantage no longer. Hard to believe, but true unfortunately. Mexico or foreign soil liberties were getting the work, again because labor was much cheaper. This created more anxieties and resentment and frustration keeps building up. A 40yr old white male couldn't find work and was definitley qualified for nearly every job applied for. In the work field a 40 yr old is most scenrios is a has been, believe when I say qualifications, degree and experience, doesn't mean jack when your 40. They will take a younger pup over a 40 yr old any day when it comes down to it, and hide behind professional courtesy when telling you didn't get the job. "We have your file and interview process on file and you are higly recommended and we'll keep you in mind for the next available position." Yeah, right.

Attempt to conclude:
My life was completely interrupted and frustrated by the plant closing, but from out of this I learned some stuff about myself that I probably wouldn't other wise have learned.

1. FAMILY = was key to this time in my life.
If it wasn't for my precious and truly wonderful wife and daughter I wouldn't have made it. My self worth, was at an all time low during this time and I often thought of a way out. I even convinced myself, it would be best for everybody if I wasn't around. Over and over, she was so beautiful at keeping me grounded and at peace when I knew I was an emotional wreck and a bomb ready to explode.
Folks, all I'm saying FAMILY sticks together(weathers the storm) and love one another. Blood is thicker than water. I'm very fortunate and blessed in many ways to have the family I do. I quess, it took that whole experience to enforce the understanding and value of FAMILY in my eyes.

2. ROUTINE/S: "Finding something to do with yourself"
As an indivdual I realized I determined the outcome of nearly everything in my life. I actually had to change my dialy routine of things to help get myself thinking better, a better attitude and perspective. I was going through depression.
The expression, "to much time on my hands" is very true in principle. During this time, there was a time when I had to much time on my hands and it caused me more personal frustration then anything else. Sat at home all day and played video games, played guitar, watched way too much television, went to the movies and rented way too many movies, took walks, went to mall way too much and that got old and and much other stuff. All this trying to fill up my days and nights to keep me from being any more disgruntled than I was already. This was something I wasn't ready for or used to. I had worked all my life 40+ hours a week and the job was what kept me sane. I had to revaluate my daily life, what to do? I was going crazy with all this time on my hands, doing everything and not finding a balance to keep me content. It was stressful! I was continually stressed out and easily set off. Answer? Going back to work was the antidote I needed. I felt better about myself, self worth went back up and contentment improved. Also, thinking about things you normally wouldn't think about because you don't have the extra time too anymore, made a huge difference in my life. I've been much happier since then. Little things like these make a huge impact in many peoples lives. I did in mine and still does.

Thanks for listening.

[atomic charvel guy]

SOAP,
I am the youngest of 8 kids. My parents kicked ass, yet I became as wild as the wind by the age of 8 I believe. After playing in bands through most of the '80's, 84-89, I landed a really sick job, even in a stupor I made 15-25/30k a month. Sometimes more. My best one was 78k. I spent and lived like a rocket out of control, went through some severe fallout after I became unworkable, it's finally starting to show signs of coming back as I had a great month last month, a really great month, but it took the longest time to get back to that month i got used to for 12-13 years. I'm still completely out of control, but that's just my brain, and I don't think it will ever change. I got hit with every stick possible over the last 3 plus years, but I made a decision, one I do not recommend to anyone, but the minute I made it, things started happening for me. I can't explain it, but I have a kickass family back in New York, and they are a reason I am still around period. Glad you have a great family too. The cats on this board ain't too shabby either.

[Fragle]

man, i'm tellin ya, this whole alcohol shit ain't gonna end well....since the day i joined my current band i've been drinkin like a mofo, and having some nice neighbours who usually have a few beers every evening (and invite me, too) doesn't really help either.....but fuggit, so far i'm doing great

soap, seriously, i'm gonna read through your post later, but right now i just don't wanna read a whole novel

[VitaminG]

upgrades to our ancient local exchange must've finished, because my new DSL modem was delivered today. I'm gonna finally have broadband in the new house! woohoo!

So I'll be catching up on some JCF listening in the mp3 section tonight!

and I might see what's new in the wonderful world of pron....

[horns666]

Soap..I too have been going thru this "self worth" thing since I retired..I was a good Cop..and a proud man..with well..lots of authority..

I lost that job due to a severe injury..the injury not only forced my retirement , but "pain" has became my everday life..it consumes me....I also had thoughts of snuffing this pain..not only physically but mentally..

I can't..my family needs me..as much as they drive me nuts ..they are my world..I could never be that selfish..it's not all about me anymore..well since Vinny was born..it's really all about him..and then my wife..

I do whatever I can to put a smile on my face..financialy I'm still "OK"..enough to buy things to attempt put that smile on my face..my cds...my house...my toy Cobra..amps....but none of the above have put that smile on my face..I'm still very miserable and bitter..

Why..it's all just a mindset..one that I need to change..

You see I was programmed, trained and in tuned to people..their body language..I notice drug boys, stolen cars and well assholes in general..I still have that "chase and the catch" mentality with this shit..

I don't have these powers anymore..but I have the same mindset..I must change that..it's not my place to deal with people anymore..I'm trying to tune them out..and not let them ruin my day ..but how.

I never leave the house because of this..I don't know how to "let go"..I'm learning as we speak..it's an adjustment I must make so my family does not suffer anymore..

there is no more "trying"..I did that for 5 years..it didn't work..too easy for me to be bitter, pissed off and cynical..which is ruining my family's good time..I'm pissing on their and my own parade..

I should be happier than a pig in shit..I have been blessed with many things and time to enjoy these things..instead I wasted 5 years in bitterness and resentment..

I need to enjoy what's left of my life..if I think the pain is bad now...hell, 20 years from now I'll be begging for the current state I'm in..I'm must acknowledge this ..accept it..and make best of a bad situation..for the family sake..and mine

WE are fortunate to have that foundation..if it wasn't for them..you and I would just throw the towel..I know I would.

Take care Soap..I can relate to your frustrastion even tho our problems may vary a little..but we still both depend on the ones that need us for stability, and we need them..we should both count THAT blessing..

I listened to you and understand..and I just wanted to share this with you and that you are not alone..

What happened to us happened, it was in the cards..now we must make the best of it..or we will just continue to be miserable..

I'm sick of being miserbale..and I know you are too..I think alot of others here can relate to these trying times.

Take Care bro, and be strong!!

Yeah, you are 40..but you're still able bodied, and sharp..not me....I'm a piece of chewed bubble gum.

Bill

[horns666]

I also want to thank my freinds here..you guys have been my social outlet for almost 5 years..my circle of freinds..

you don't realize how special you guys mean to me..

Thank you..

WEll, today is Friday..family night..I prolly won't be here until Sunday or so..

Have fun and talk amoung yourselves..

Have a great weekend...Summer is almost here, go out and enjoy it as much as possible..

Take life by the horns man..and have a great ride..you only have one shot ..may as well try ..

everyone has issues..everyone..but good people deserve to be happy..

That should be our agenda..no matter what it takes...Black Crow's Beach, your guitar, music, pussy, freinds, your family..do whatever it takes to put that smile on your face...

you guys have put a smile on mine!

Bill