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Bill, I hate to see you in that situation; it's unfair to you and really, to all 3 of you, because Val and Vinny are taking the easy way out.
The thing is, you know better than any of us HOW unfair life can be, to the people whose tragedy you witnessed that changed your whole outlook. To you yourself, who suffer pain daily because of a drunken asshole. So you know, not everyone has the strength to go ahead and do what's unpopular, but necessary. Of the people in your own family (the 3 of you) only you have that strength. Your dad had it in his generation, and even though he didn't like it, he did it because he knew somebody had to. That is what you have to pass on to Vinny.
My dad doted on me and spoiled the shit out of me compared to my brother and sisters. I got cocky and smarted off to my mom - once. He backhanded me across the room and then explained why I WOULD respect my mother and do as she said. Not that I'm advocating that at all, but Dad had to impose it, Mom wouldn't or couldn't on her own. But my dad put the fear into my ass on that issue and I learned. So I guess I'm saying that Val is grown and she is who she is, and you love her for that. Vinny is young and can be molded more so than a woman in her 30s can be.
My dad taught me to obey my mom by virtue that if he even heard about it it would be bad news for me. I think that's your best approach, even if you have to be the heavy. He'll thank you for it down the line, and most important, he'll be ready to tangle with his own son, who will also be a Zurlo with his own POV and the certainty that HE is right too!
Your reward will be as Grandpa Zurlo, watching Vinny's boy put him through the very same shit!
And you can undermine Vinny's authority when you want to jerk his chain, by taking the grandson off and spoiling him. Then deliver him back toi his daddy all expeecting Stuff! "But Grandpa Bill says I should have an Uber by now Daddy!" 
My mom always said, "Just wait 'til YOU have kids!", so I escaped the only possible way - having no kids! But the downside to that is way worse than the upside. You're a lucky man Bill. You've got it under control and your family is fine, way better adjusted than a lot of others.
The thing is, you know better than any of us HOW unfair life can be, to the people whose tragedy you witnessed that changed your whole outlook. To you yourself, who suffer pain daily because of a drunken asshole. So you know, not everyone has the strength to go ahead and do what's unpopular, but necessary. Of the people in your own family (the 3 of you) only you have that strength. Your dad had it in his generation, and even though he didn't like it, he did it because he knew somebody had to. That is what you have to pass on to Vinny.
My dad doted on me and spoiled the shit out of me compared to my brother and sisters. I got cocky and smarted off to my mom - once. He backhanded me across the room and then explained why I WOULD respect my mother and do as she said. Not that I'm advocating that at all, but Dad had to impose it, Mom wouldn't or couldn't on her own. But my dad put the fear into my ass on that issue and I learned. So I guess I'm saying that Val is grown and she is who she is, and you love her for that. Vinny is young and can be molded more so than a woman in her 30s can be.
My dad taught me to obey my mom by virtue that if he even heard about it it would be bad news for me. I think that's your best approach, even if you have to be the heavy. He'll thank you for it down the line, and most important, he'll be ready to tangle with his own son, who will also be a Zurlo with his own POV and the certainty that HE is right too!
Your reward will be as Grandpa Zurlo, watching Vinny's boy put him through the very same shit!
And you can undermine Vinny's authority when you want to jerk his chain, by taking the grandson off and spoiling him. Then deliver him back toi his daddy all expeecting Stuff! "But Grandpa Bill says I should have an Uber by now Daddy!" My mom always said, "Just wait 'til YOU have kids!", so I escaped the only possible way - having no kids! But the downside to that is way worse than the upside. You're a lucky man Bill. You've got it under control and your family is fine, way better adjusted than a lot of others.
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