a life/college/parents kind of question

[Emthrax]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

Hmmm... Seven...

Okay- put up with my long windedness here... [img]/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Honestly I don't think there is much I can add to this, you have been given some very good advice already. But here's my two cents.

Your story is not uncommon, my husband went through something like this with his parents. Keith did not follow in his father's footsteps at all, far from it. They weren't exactly thrilled with him marrying me or joining the USAF. It has taken his father a long time to accept Keith for the man he is. It's sad that it is taking his father so long to see what a good son he raised, but it gets easier as he begins to understand and not worry so much.

I have some pretty cool parents, but moved out when I was barely 18 and never looked back. My own story is rather irrelevant here. I think my parents knew that there would be no stopping me from a very young age, so they just stepped back and kinda kept me in-line until it was safe enough for me to be out on my own. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

You have very admirable goals, and your dreams and happiness are every bit as important as your parents. You have every right to be your own man.

My very best friend in high school was born in Korea, and I only metion that because her cultural ubringing and story is very similar to yours.
Having spent time with her and her family I know that expectations are extremely high. I saw her struggle with it, even more so because she is a girl and was never considered as important as her brother. Having a new life in the USA opened up many doors for her family and the kids embraced it.
Yoon-Soon decided to follow her own dreams and pursue an education contrary to what her parents had in mind for her. I remember that time was very difficult for her. She was an honor student, was accepted to a very prominent University, but it didn't matter to them. She moved out, went to school, got her degree, and now lives in L.A. helping other Korean families and standing up for her rights as an American. Though her parents are not impressed with what she has made of herself, she feels extremely rewarded and content for sticking to her goals. Her parents were angry with her for a long time, then they were disappointed. They still want her to leave her job and come work in the family business. They think she has succumbed to the American lifestyle and is being silly. But even with their attitude she continues to respect them and love them and do the best she can to honor them, and they have responded well to that. She is their daughter, after all.
I think because Yoon-Soon was always treated second class by her parents she needed even moreso to prove to herself and her family how important she is, and that just because she is a woman doesn't mean she can't be every bit as successful as a man.
And she does, and I admire her for her fire and spirit.

I wish you the absolute best in the pursuit of your goals. I believe your parents love you and want the best for you, I hope that you can stick to your guns and come through this to show them what a fine person you have become because of their example.

Em

[paige]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

cleveland metal is right. I left home at 16, I didn't drink, party, or any of that stuff. I thought "I" knew what I was doing and my folks didn't understand. Long story short I made a man of myself, and can look back at all the "bitchin and negativity" and understand. Sure some was outta line but it all came down to one thing, the old man gave a ****. O'yeah by the way when I thought I "knew" what I was doing is when I did the most damage to my life.

[Ace]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

I have no idea what it is like to grow up Korean. Except that you guys have the hottest Asian women EVER!!!

[No Use]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

hey Emthrax, i totally hear you. actually i used to go through these guilt trips all the time about what i was/am doing...they kept saying they had their goals for me since i was a kid, but that all kind of got washed away, when mom pretty much said that the only reason she would be proud of me ,is if i got good SAT scores, so she could brag about it...completely disregarding all the things i do in the community, and my theatre and music, and all that stuff...i used to wish they'd be proud of me but, i realised it won;t come with what i'm pursuing, at least, not for awhile. i feel weird for being the complete blacksheep of the family. the son of the 2nd oldest son in the family, i was supposed to "be somebody" for the Korean race, or whatever my grandfather used to say...

Ace- Finally! someone Else understands how beautiful the people are!! haha.

[Emthrax]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

[ QUOTE ]
i feel weird for being the complete blacksheep of the family.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well then, Welcome to the Blacksheep Family!! [img]/images/graemlins/headbang.gif[/img]
You are in fine company here, bro.

I understand respecting your parents, now go show them what you're made of.
You owe it to yourself, nobody else. Life is just way too short to be guilt tripped about. Yes, easier said than done when you are being pulled in several directions but you can't please everyone.
So just pick the direction YOU want and go for it. Be smart about it.

Em

[thetroy]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

[ QUOTE ]
I left home at 16 to be out on my own. I worked with what little talent I had and over the years, I learned to play play guitar pretty well and played a ton of clubs with cover metal bands 3-4 nights a week for years during the 80s and 90s. I eeked a living off it for a while. Short if going to MIT, I my life was pretty much metal music.

[/ QUOTE ]

You went to MIT and played in a band that often? Can I ask how you found the time to do that?

re: the topic
I am in a slightly different situation here so my post may not be so relevant. My problem is that I simply don't know what I want to do with my life. At different points I was sure I wanted to be a physicist, F1 driver, guitarist, among other things. I'm almost 19 and have been very "successful" up to this point, but was never very happy. I actually was close to having everything figured out, but 3 months ago I started dating this girl and have totally fallen for her (I used to swear that I wanted to be single forever, so this was NOT in my plan..). Now I'm back to having no clue what I'll do, but I'm leaning toward pursuing an engineering degree after conveniently transferring to my girlfriend's school (this obviously has many problems as it assumes we will stay together which is far from certain at this point, but the application deadlines come too soon).

I guess the only thing you might gain from my post is this: Your dream could very easily be different 1 year from now, so it may be wise to be somewhat cautious.

[lerxstcat]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

Troy, he meant SHORT OF going to MIT, in other words he didn't go there.

Troy, you have the classic problem of the American teenager since the 60s, with the added burden of thousands of years of Korean culture. Do your own thing, but show them respect and realize tha in a way you hae to think as the elder, since you are looking at something new while they are hanging on to ancient customs. There's much that's good about those customs, but you live in an entirely different culture and need to make your way in it.

Realize that they will probably not support you emontionally or financially, but years down the line they will hopefully learn to respect your decision. As long as the choice you're making will lead to a reasonable and secure income, it's not like you're jumping into the dark.

[diablomozart]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

well...my mother wanted me in the armed services,,,that didn't happen...i chose to be what i am...and for better or worse i'm happy with my life...i struggle daily trying to make og go of this music thing...but it's so much a part of me that it will never leave...will i ever be successful in other's eyes?...i don't know...but others are not the people who concern me...my own opinion of myself is what matters...you can be happy with very little money...and miserable with lots of it...and vice versa...it all depends on what you want out of life...and your perspective on the life you choose...d.m.

[mwm70]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

As it was said before life is short and you only get one go around withit.

My story is similar, oldest grandson, son of an Ironworker who wanted better for his, blacksheep. I too coming out of highschool (1988) wanted to be a "rockstar".
Played in a fairly talented band locally at that point but I also had the oppurtunity to go to college on my parents dime. I can't say they were supportive of this dream but they tollerated it as long as I kept somewhat of a focus in college. The band had moderate success locally and the same overseas on euro radio (remember this is late 80's early 90's very beginning of internet takeoff). I was going to school fulltime, working partime (to pay for band stuff) and playing in and managing this band. To make a long story short the scene in B-more dried up in the mid 90's and I got seriously burned out on the music scene. I fortunately had a college degree to fall back on (problem being, it is a liberal arts degree that really isn't worth a sh!t. should of had a touch more focus and foresight in school)
What i am getting at is follow that dream with all your heart and soul but be SMART and have a back-up plan. Everyone you come across in your pursuit is not going to be like Ace (kudos bro for reaching out to help [img]/images/graemlins/toast.gif[/img])
some are going to do their best to screw you and alot of times that is totally out of your control to stop. Remember as you get older sometimes your priorities change. Not following your dreams can be looked at as regrettable but so can BLINDLY following your dreams. (I should have got a fuggin degree I could actually use!!!)
I hope this rambling message helps in some way.
Good Luck!!! [img]/images/graemlins/headbang.gif[/img]

[Ninja Guitar]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

[ QUOTE ]
I have no idea what it is like to grow up Korean. Except that you guys have the hottest Asian women EVER!!!

[/ QUOTE ]
Man, wisdom is just flowing out of you in this thread. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/notworthy.gif[/img]

[Top Jimmy B]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

Seventh, I followed what I thought were the wishes of my father for many years and resented him for most of them. After highschool I attended university to pursue a pharmacy degree, thinking this is what my father wanted of me. He owned a large number of drug stores and had always groomed me to be his replacement. I hated the course, more than I can express. I did very well the entire time but resented my father for pushing me in this direction. In April 1994 he called me out of the blue and said, "you're graduating in a few weeks, what's the plan?" I told him I wanted to take the summer off and then start working to earn some dough. He then said, "you hate pharmacy don't you? If you don't want to do this and follow another path, go ahead. I'm just proud that you were determined enough to complete your studies. Do what you want with your life"

One week later he was dead and my resentment had disappeared. I went back to school and did what I wanted to do - study business. I graduated, again, and have been regretting not taking over his empire every day since. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

I would have been twenty four years old and earning huge bucks right out of school, had I listened to him. But would I have looked forward to going to work everyday? No. Do I now? No.

There are no easy answers to your questions. Think it through and follow your instincts and I'm sure all will work out. However, winning the lottery would be a good plan.

[Lev]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

[ QUOTE ]
I have no idea what it is like to grow up Korean. Except that you guys have the hottest Asian women EVER!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

no kidding.. I got a date with one this weekend [img]/images/graemlins/drool2.gif[/img]

[atomic charvel guy]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

just do the exact opposite of me and you will turn out just dandy. i had a shitload of excitement and fun, but it's all coming back to haunt me now.

[j2379]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

do what u want
i went to school like mommy & daddy said to. studied art & im now a graphic designer. in the past 4 years my job has slowed to the point that my job is in question everyday. I wanted to build hotrods with a friend of mine,but that wasnt good enough. that friend now owns his own shop, hes so busy that they are turning away new jobs unless its something really cool & hes making a 3-4X what i do.

[Venomboy]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

In high school I knew I was either going to be a guitarist in a band and make music for a living or I'd be an illustrator or graphic designer.

I saw pretty quickly that there's a lot of idiots in the music field and that I could probably make a better living sooner off illustration and design. My parents were always 100% supportive of me. At night when I'd play my guitar my mom never asked me to turn it down, even when she was going to sleep. We always jammed at my house and my parents never complained. My mom encouraged me to take art classes in high school. I went to a university with the goal of being an illustrator and was accepted into SJSU's Illustration program. Then I took some design classes, realized I was a better designer than illustrator and graduated with a graphic design degree.

Finding a career that works for isn't always easy but you have to do what YOU want to do, not what others want you to do. I have soooo many talented friends stuck in dead end jobs because they didn't get off their lazy asses and do something with their talents.