a life/college/parents kind of question

[guitarsjb]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

I kinda wish I had known this at 18 rather than 37..but I thought I would share it...
"If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world, but does not feel good in your heart- it is not success at all." -Anna Quindlen
Do what YOU need to do for you. But try to also listen to/undertand your parents points..because you may pick up some bits of wisdom there.

[Boxcar Willie 84]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

I can't really help at all with this, I'm having a hard enough time with my own life right now. I guess the best I can say is, enjoy everything that you can and make the most of what you've got, or you will end up a miserable old bastard at the ripe age of 20 because you've taken things too seriously. Sometimes you just gotta listen to your guts instead of your brain.

[Ace]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

Age is of no importance. My dad is 61 years old, and has been at his new career for about 3 years. He's always gone from one job to another. He was a carpenter when I was born, then a real estate agent, then a hotel owner, then a caterer, now a hypnotherapist and tour guide. I have no idea how many jobs he had in the 35 years before I was born, he always has stories of building cabins in Canada, hanging out with Kim Fowley and Van Halen, he tells me about digging ditches, selling radio airtime, and taking Joan Jett to a sex store when she was 17 and in the Runaways. He is not a wealthy man by any means, but he gets by and helps pay for my sister's college. He is also a mentor to troubled people of all ages, and an active sponsor in 12 step groups. He is a happy man.

His best friend started his own business in the mid 1980's and now has a profitable medical supply company. He flies all over the world, makes money hand over fist, and drives a Cadillac. He is always worried about money and never seems happy at all.

I'll let you guess which one I look up to.

[No Use]

thanks and love to you guys!

thanks everyone for posting! i'm indebted to this place and its wonderful members!
i love you cats!

[pro-fusion]

Re: thanks and love to you guys!

Seventh, perhaps the best way to summarize this situation is that you are truly American, while your parents are truly Korean--in terms of culture, that is. Obediance to parents and maintaining tight family bonds are much more important to Koreans than to Americans, but I probably don't need to tell you that.

Ultimately, I doubt your parents will ever really understand the choices you make, even if you continue to honor and respect them. But like everyone here has said, it's YOUR life. I've known several young Asian-Americans in the same predicament as you. One guy I knew in college always caved in to whatever his parents demanded, and he was always bitter and miserable. Another, a Korean-American woman, married one of my good buddies (an Anglo) to the disappointment of her family. They tolerated my buddy, who's a great guy, but I doubt he'll ever really be seen as part of their family, sadly. That's a big cultural gap to bridge.

It sounds like you may have to put some distance between yourself and your parents (and be able to support yourself without their help) until they can come to terms with you not living a more traditional Korean life. If they love you, I believe they will grow to accept the choices you make, even if they don't understand or approve them.

[tonemonster]

Re: thanks and love to you guys!

You know, just to add to what Ace said on this with his Dad's friend. I know several people that are financially well off and none of them are happy. They would never have to work a day in theif life again and live comfortably. ALl they do is talk about money and worry about money. Its really sad to see. I mean, its like they are obsessed with it. Its very interesting to watch. I have never been rich, and I am much happier than they are. I earn a "decent" living and I live withing my means financially. If I cant afford something, I dont buy it. If I can, I do. simple. But it really intruiges me to watch these people with lots of money that arent happy. It ought to tell you something...

[atomic charvel guy]

Re: thanks and love to you guys!

i always had money and i was happy as a lark.
now i have no money and it sucks the hugest of balls.
i love money, i think it rips!!

[AfterForever]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

when you were in high school, did you have goals in life?
-yes, my dream is to record an album, with songs/music/lyrics written by me.. that would be so awesome.. I don't even want a band to perform them with (that would be cool too, but it's not a vital part of the dream)


were your parents in the way, trying to dictate your life for you, even though you had your own plans?
-my parents are the best, they bought my first guitar and amp.. they support me with pretty much everything I do or want to do

[No Use]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

yeah, pro, i hear you man. And tone, well my father's noit the happiest guy around, but he likes to spend his love, to finance meaningless stuff like golf **** (sorry cats, i live on a course, but hate the sport).

afterforever, thats awesome, bro, i'm glad to hear it!

[horns666]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

Money is EVERYTHING ...it is the closest thing to a "God" that we will ever know.

People who say money isn't everything never had enough of it to know better.

[atomic charvel guy]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

money is the root of all happiness. if you can't be happy with money, let me show you how.

[Ace]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

I have nothing against the money itself. If you handed me a million dollars, I'd say thank you with a big fuckin' smile on my face, I'd walk into West L.A. Music and make buddy Travis a real nice comission when I just started circleing stuff in their catalog.

But money is NOT the closest thing to a "God" that I know, far from it. I'd place the Earth much higher on that list than money.

Money is only the greatest thing on Earth if you make it to be. If you buy into the whole theory that you need to own the biggest SUV on the block, the nicest kitchen cabinets and stuff like that, then of course you're gonna need money. But I've found stuff that makes me happy. And it's not money. Money is great to the point that it consumes you and all you can think about is making more of it.

[cryoprison]

Re: a life/college/parents kind of question

all right. i'll just post since well, i'm 18, in college and i suppose not as far from the boat as i could be. for the longest time my aspirations were to be in a band, get signed, have that, have my own solo works [i was 5yrs old, 6yrs old, 7yrs old writing classical piano pieces...] but it all crumbled. my family would question. "mikey, what da' **** are you thinking?" they just weren't sure. thing is, they never really badgered me. if i wanted to do it, i would. they knew that. i got to the point with all of the instruments i played where i just wasn't enjoying it anymore. i reached that plateau [i think we've all hit it at least once] where your playing is exceptional to those who hear it but to your own ears, terrible. horriffically bad. vulgar. every mistake, i heard. every slip, i heard. ever slight slip on the strings, i heard. it got to the point i hacked off half of my nails because i thoroughly believed they were causing the problem. smart? nah.

so i quit entirely. one of two things i truly regret in life. quitting every instrument i played... the other, taking life too seriously. i was always up for a good time. always loved to hang out 'n wha' not. thing is, you couldn't be me and enjoy life when you have to front the cash to bail your cousin outta' jail at 13. na'tta'mean? it happens, whadda' ya' gonna' do? i'm not complaining. just stating. where i'm at now... well, i'm starting to play again, picking up a new guitar in three weeks or so. pursuing a dual major in English and Italian. i have a 3.7 GPA as of now. i partied my ass off the first few weeks down here, **** up one mid-term in one class, and another in the other. [i have two mid-terms per class] am i worried? no. i've always taken things in stride, but been stressed out beyond belief at the same time. how's that work? cool on the outside, stoic, appearance of apathy or pleasure, meanwhile i'm 18, have hypoglycemia, smoke 3 packs of Reds [Marlboro Reds] a day, have had 3 ulcers [one of which i maintain at this moment... vomitting red every few days, amongst other things... i've been checked out], gastro-intestinal problems not IBS but rather reflux to the point where i've drank half a glass of water and vomitted violently for 35mins.

back to the schooling. i'm pursuing a law degree. hopefully a joint certification between Corporate and Criminal Law. i've got the capacity for it. i've sat in on cases, i've written briefs, reviewed cases for individuals close to myself. spent time on the books. spent time in the bars. spent time in the streets [not as a bum or hooker]. been around is what i'm gettin' at.

what i'm saying brother. do what you love, and what you will be able to survive with. you may have everything planned now, yeah, music was my hidden life for, well, my life... however i just don't have the same feeling for it as i did once before. nothing in life is guaranteed. there are no etchings in the stone unless you write them yourself. your actions, your desires, your dignity, your determination, your own personality, YOU... you my friend are what determines how you will be. don't let anyone tell you it's wrong to be in Music Business or theater. don't let that assimilate into your brain and **** up the circuitry, it's wrong. it's violent. THAT is vulgar. enjoy life, enjoy work. your parents want you to do one thing? tell ya' what, please 'em to some degree, entertain the thought maybe, hell, when you get to school, take a course in it, guess what, ace it and flip it off if you don't like it. try everything that is potentially a thought. try everything that you didn't think possible. [this is all within reason of course]

i'll leave ya' with this. it's an old Sicilian proverb that my Great Aunt has told me every day, she has called me up, from the hospital, other states, other countries, day, night, during her beloved soap opera, and told me this:

"Nenti mi ratta a manu comu i me unga."

"No one knows my business better than I do."

obviously this has to be taken into consideration with ages and what not, but when you reach that age where you've experienced the experiences and you find that you know what you want and your family is wrong, friend, you know what's best. think hard, think long, act accordingly and be strong: everything falls good, there is no bad if you perceive it properly.