this will be my 2nd christmas in a row without you. where have you gone? you gave me 37 straight years of true cheer, smiles, love, family, and loot. and in those 37 years, not once did i deserve you to drop all that magic over me. i was a trouble maker and a carouser, and a master of squandering any good that was given to me from day one. oddly enough, in the last two years, i have done my best to turn things around. i put my best foot forward and played by the rules that were presented in front of me.i changed my whole style of living completely. a 180 as some call it. i was not expecting your absence. some will say i should look at the good fortune to at least have had those first 37 years as some get only a few or even in some cases no christmas at all. but i can't do that because i am too used to you showing up every year. remember back in '81 when i caught you coming down the chimney as i was coming in from a late night and we shared that fatty? and in '87 when it happened again and you thought i was a hot chick-lol. i never told anybody about that so your secret is safe with me. you seemed to really dig me back then, have i pissed you off? was it because that fatty had angel dust in it and i forgot to tell you about that, as i ruined christmas for the rest as you could not drive for the rest of that night? if so, just tell me. you don't have to stay away like you have been, it's killing me. this is without a doubt my favorite holiday and time of the year. i know that you know that. you've seen what's gone down with all the great gifts and good will given out to the best of my ability over the years. i've had to deal without alot of things i am used to having around the last two years, and maybe i will appreciate them the next time if they ever come back, but if there's one thing i can't do without, it's you. i don't want to believe that you have bailed on me, but i have not seen you in a long time now and that just won't do. did you drop me santa or what? at least leave me a note if you did. and if you did, disregard everything i said in this letter you fat fukk, who needs ya anyway ?
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Re: dear santa
Someone asked me to post this:
"Dear Tommy, I have not forgot about or bailed on you. I have something extra special in store for you. However something this grand takes time to orchestrate. You will get your gift as soon as I can provide it. In the meantime, smoke a big fatty for me and keep in mind that once my present is delivered, you will see why it took so long to deliver and will feel it was worth the wait.
Chris "Fat Fukk" Kringle"
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Re: dear santa
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and if you did, disregard everything i said in this letter you fat fukk, who needs ya anyway ?
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Reminds me of Conan's prayer (spoken in thick Austrian accent) before the Battle of the Mounds:
"Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, and why we died. All that matters is that today, two stood against many. Valor pleases you, so grant me this one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, the HELL with you!"
-Conan The Barbarian (1982)"Quiet, numbskulls, I'm broadcasting!" -Moe Howard, "Micro-Phonies" (1945)
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