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  • If Santa answered his mail honestly

    Dear Santa
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Frend,
    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a f ****** book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
    Santa


    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love,
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa



    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love,
    Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
    Santa


    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love,
    Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
    Santa



    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love,
    Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
    Santa


    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend,
    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
    Santa



    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
    Love,
    Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
    Santa


    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
    Timmy

    Timmy,
    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
    Santa



    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love,
    Marky

    Mark,
    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams,
    Santa

  • #2
    Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

    Thos always crack me up... I got that one with animation this year... I still love the I am smarter than your kids one that one rules
    I keep the bible in a pool of blood
    So that none of its lies can affect me

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

      For a brief second, I thought Santa was hiring Matt and Ron to answer his mail. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

        Hehe, some funny stuff, nothing better than verbally abusing kids [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

        ..I'm joking..of course..

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

          [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

            I like those, pretty cute. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

              [ QUOTE ]
              I thought Santa was hiring Matt and Ron to answer his mail.

              [/ QUOTE ]

              [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

                Heh, that's what I thought, too! Now come sit on Santa's lap...uh...Emthrax! [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
                "Quiet, numbskulls, I'm broadcasting!" -Moe Howard, "Micro-Phonies" (1945)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

                  No Ho Ho.

                  [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

                    <font color="yellow"> I wouldn't worry Em...Ron's probably hung like an Elf [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

                    I keed, I keed [img]/images/graemlins/toast.gif[/img]

                    &lt;---runs and hides behind the Min Pin [img]/images/graemlins/eviltongue.gif[/img] </font>

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

                      [ QUOTE ]

                      Dear Santa,
                      What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
                      Your friend,
                      Thomas

                      Dear Thomas,
                      All the toys are made in China.
                      Santa

                      [/ QUOTE ]

                      Nahhhh, can't be RacerX... [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

                        Santa's a freakin' COMMUNIST! [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]
                        "Quiet, numbskulls, I'm broadcasting!" -Moe Howard, "Micro-Phonies" (1945)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

                          [ QUOTE ]
                          Santa's a freakin' COMMUNIST! [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

                          [/ QUOTE ]

                          <font color="yellow">From China [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] </font>

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

                            [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
                            Guitars... Rhoads RX10D
                            Amp... Pioneer
                            Effects... Boss ME-20

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: If Santa answered his mail honestly

                              [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
                              [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
                              [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

                              Comment

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