rant about predatory women...

[SeventhSon]

Re: rant about predatory women...

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While this sucks totally, your buddy is partly to blame; he walked into it as blind and gullible target. He may as well tattooed come screw me on his forehead. One can’t be so desperate to use an online dating and two be too blinded by faith just because someone hides behind the Christianity mask. I’ve know preachers and ministers who were drunken womanizers hiding behind religion.


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Had I been closer to him, I would have given him my 2 cents in a heartbeat, but it wasn't my place to be a buzz kill on both his new love and his new lifestyle. He had a lot of other closer friends/family that should have seen this coming a mile away. Now, I kick myself for not having the nuts to say something about it when it would have mattered.

BTW, this dude's been written up in Bass Player, and he had it all...not millionaire fame/fortune, but he definitely made it as a musician.

[StukaJU87]

Re: rant about predatory women...

I think only a handfull of states recognize common law marriage. They usually have stipulations like: living together for certain amount of time, be known to others in the community as husband and wife etc. etc.

I have been with the same woman for 10 years and as far as I know NJ does not recognize common law marriage. Oh....and I NEVER refer to her as my wife. ALWAYS my girlfriend. I like my stuff and I want to keep it MINE!

[SeventhSon]

Re: rant about predatory women...

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That really blows for your friend... it really does. I can understand why no one would want to get married, or if you do to make sure you have a pre-nup. This is a tough topic these days.

But I will say this:

It really and honestly is possible to marry your best friend, having absolutely no conditions put upon one another (pre-nup), and to have a long-lasting and good life together. Marriage isn't all hunky-dory. It isn't something you go into thinking that now that you have someone in your life that you don't have to ever do anything else. No. You still have to work together and take responsibility for yourself and respect your loved one and yourself. I think respecting your partner is the most important thing. If you meet someone who wants to change you and can't respect what you do or who you are- then move on. And that goes both ways.
That's just my opinion.

So to those who are looking, please don't feel discouraged. It is all about respect and your attitude (not taking everything so seriously... both of you) and having a good sense of humor! I really believe this. It has, after all, helped the Keith and I stay married for 10 years living a very trying, but very good life. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

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Em, with all due respect, this has nothing to do with how two people who genuinely feel strongly about marriage can make it work. Although I do completely agree with your thoughts on the matter.

It's about a fukking outright swindle on a good and talented musician being aided and abetted by our legal system. It's a fukking tragedy.

[Emthrax]

Re: rant about predatory women...

Seventh,

Yes, it is a tragedy. I agree.
I referred to your original post in my first paragraph offering my support and agreeing that this does indeed suck.
I then referred to other's posts about their thoughts on marriage in the remainder. Pardon my lack of class for going off subject. [img]/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

But to get back on subject then...
I'm not familiar with these kinds of laws (or lack thereof) but given the info you've provided it definitely looks like he was taken in a major way. I feel for your friend and his position he is in now.

Em

[lerxstcat]

Re: rant about predatory women...

I do feel badly for your friend, but I also agree he was gullible and naive, if not actually stupid, for jumping into a marriage and move like that. And yes, if you had a bad feeling about it, you should've said something to him beforehand. Blaming his "closer" friends but not blaming yourself for not saying something is not right.

[Jim Shine]

Re: rant about predatory women...

I know this guitar collector. Very wealthy. The guy is always super paranoid people are not his friend because he is cool, only for his money.

He goes through women like most guys go through shoes. When they get close, he would suspect they were after money and break up with them. Eventually this one girl we all really liked stuck around for maybe 4 pairs of shoes and after a bunch of us encourage him to settle down, they get married, no pre-nup. She talks him into building this huge house down in Massachusettes near her parents, and agrees to stick around to watch the builders. One day he is in the area and decides to drop in for a surprise visit. He walks and catches the foreman beefing her on a sleeping bag in what was to be their romantic new master bedroom. 8 months after their wedding, things were over, she got the new house and a hefty sum of cash and he is even more paranoid of people now more than ever.

[SeventhSon]

Re: rant about predatory women...

Lerxtccat, I totally blame myself. It's something I have to live with. I was just trying to give you a picture of why I had no sack at the time.

[SeventhSon]

Re: rant about predatory women...

[ QUOTE ]

I referred to your original post in my first paragraph offering my support and agreeing that this does indeed suck.
I then referred to other's posts about their thoughts on marriage in the remainder. Pardon my lack of class for going off subject. [img]/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]


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Sorry, Em, I'm just cranky about the whole matter. Thanks for your support and positive thoughts on the matter.

[lerxstcat]

Re: rant about predatory women...

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Lerxtccat, I totally blame myself. It's something I have to live with. I was just trying to give you a picture of why I had no sack at the time.

[/ QUOTE ]It's not that I'm saying you should blame yourself or the guy's other family or friends. I imagine someone DID warn him, but he didn't want to hear it, and you felt the vibe that he wasn't up for criticism. I feel badly for the guy, but unless he was an 18-year-old wet behind the ears or something, I'd say moving that fast he only has himself to blame. If he says no one tried to warn him, I think he's either straight lying or is remembering it in such a way as to maximize his victim status. Most people do that to some extent. So empathize for the guy, but at the same time he should've known better. You aren't his dad, and even if you were, the guy's an adult. I'm sure next time he'll get a prenup!

[ChickenScratch]

Re: rant about predatory women...

Wow! These stories are pretty scary! Like most guys I think women are f-ing crazy. I'm not gonna say guys don't do scary, evil things but the way the laws are weighted in this country it's pretty easy for a guy to be left with little or nothing (although it's their fault for not forcing the pre-nup).

I'll never get married, it's just not something I can see myself doing. My parents divorced when I was 9, my mom's been with my step-dad for 15 years now without making it formal. It's the same situation with 3 of my other friends (and we live in NY not in the sticks). If people love each other a legal contract should not enter into it I think, just adds complications to a beautiful thing.