A blonde gets stopped by a blonde policewoman for speeding. The lady officer gets out of her car and goes to the vehicle's window. "May I have your drivers licsence please" The blonde driver responds, "Licsence?, what's that ?" So the officer tells her, " It's small , rectangular and has your picture on it". So the driver looks in her purse and pulls out a small makeup mirror and hands it to the blonde officer. The officer takes a look at it, gives it back to her and says, " Oh ,it's OK, I didn't know you were in the police also".
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Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they're back )
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Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )
heh, nice! now if we can only keep the return of the friday question consistent!
sully
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Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )
John and Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Saturday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot...", he shouted.
A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by..."
A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company...." he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
"The Coopers are having sex...."
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously asked, "Uh....how do you know they are having sex??"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with a popsicle too."My future band shall be known as "One Samich Short Of A Picnic"!
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Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )
[ QUOTE ]
John and Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Saturday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot...", he shouted.
A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by..."
A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company...." he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
"The Coopers are having sex...."
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously asked, "Uh....how do you know they are having sex??"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with a popsicle too."
[/ QUOTE ]
[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
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Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )
[ QUOTE ]
John and Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Saturday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot...", he shouted.
A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by..."
A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company...." he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
"The Coopers are having sex...."
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously asked, "Uh....how do you know they are having sex??"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with a popsicle too."
[/ QUOTE ]
That was friggin hilarious!!!
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Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich.
"What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please" and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say!"Hail yesterday
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Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )
A blonde was in a car accident and died. At the pearly gates, she was waiting to see St Peter, when she heard horrendous screams coming from inside Heaven.
She asked St Peter: "What is that screaming?".
He told her: "That is the new angels having the holes drilled. They have two holes drilled in their back, to attach their wings, and one in the top of their head to mount the halo."
The blond said: "It sounds painful."
St Peter said: "Yes, it is excrutiatingly painful."
So the blonde thinks for a minute and tells St Peter that perhaps she would rather go to Hell after all.
"In hell you will be raped and sodomized all day long. Do you really want that?" He asked.
"Well, I've already got holes for that" She said.
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