Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they're back )

[Jack The Riffer]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

2 Blondes walk into a bar, you'd think at least one of em would have seen it.

[Jack The Riffer]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. Her Majesty and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the Queen says to the Pope, "Do you know tht with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?"
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd.
Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be out done by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do.

"Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make every IRISH person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."

The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and ALL Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slapped the bitch.

[VitaminG]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

A Guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus.
"He can play any musical instrument in the world."

Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will wager 50 pound to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.
Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. The guitar owner pays up the 50quid.

Another customer walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. The trumpet-owner coughs up the 50 quid.

Then Jimmy, a Scotsman plonks some bagpipes on the table. The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look. "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?". The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to shag it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."

[Superfly]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

[ QUOTE ]
whats the opposite of christopher reeves?
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christopher walken



chris

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice, the guy died last year....

[PowerTube]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

A Catholic priest was walking down the street one day when he came upon an 8-year old boy sitting on the sidewalk, holding a small bottle of liquid. He said to the boy, "Hello, there son." The boy replied, "Hello, Father." They made small talk for a few seconds and then the priest asked the boy, "So what do you have there in that bottle?" The boy answered, "It's miracle liquid, Father." The priest replied, "So it's holy water?" The boy said, "No, Father, it's miracle liquid."


The priest explained, "Why, son, the only true 'miracle liquid' in the world is holy water. Why, did you know that if you rub holy water on a pregnant lady's tummy, she'll pass the baby?"

The boy replied........"That nothing, Father. Rub some of this on a cat's ass and it'll pass a motorcycle!"

[VitaminG]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Reverend Timmy]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

Blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog.They sit down at the bar and the guy orders a beer. All of a sudden, the guy reaches down,grabs the dog by the tail and starts swinging the dog over his head by his tail!Bartender says "Man,what the hell are you doing?" Blind guy says" I was just trying to see who was here".....

[Number Of The Priest]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I like the Queen and Pope joke. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Damn, I missed out on this thread Friday night because I was out at a local concert and a strip club. So in the spirit of strip clubs, here's a related joke:

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual drink and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" Dave says, "She's in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave!"

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Gurj]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

Why do men die before their wives?

Because they want to [img]/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif[/img]