Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they're back )

[Blacklabel X]

Here's a real one, I'm listening to some George Michael right now.
Flame Away !

[sully]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

....i hope you're not in chaps at the moment.

[magh8]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

a priest over hears bestbuy is having a huge sale on laptops.so the priest goes to go buy one.he walks in the store looks around for a while and has a puzzled look on his face.so a salesmen walks over and says Father can I help you?the priest says yes you can I hear you are having a huge sale on laptops.the salesmen says why yes we are.the priest asks are you sold out I can't find any?the salesmen say no.so the priest says where are they?the salesmen says Father your looking right at them.the priest says sir stop playing games with me if you are out of alterboys I'll take my business some where else.

[Newc]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

This guy walks into a bar, after having been thoroughly cleaned out in his divorce trial, and orders a drink. He gulps it down and shouts "ALL LAWYERS ARE ASSHOLES!!"

A guy in the back corner says "HEY HEY! Don't talk like that!"

The guy turns to him and says "Oh, are you a Lawyer?"

He says "No, I'm an Asshole"

[charon]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

[ QUOTE ]


This guy walks into a bar, after having been thoroughly cleaned out in his divorce trial, and orders a drink. He gulps it down and shouts "ALL LAWYERS ARE ASSHOLES!!"

A guy in the back corner says "HEY HEY! Don't talk like that!"

The guy turns to him and says "Oh, are you a Lawyer?"

He says "No, I'm an Asshole"

[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I like that one.

Two midgets pick up a couple of hookers and take then to their Vegas hotel room for a little fun. After a few cocktails and some dancing, the lights go out, but the night doesn't go as planned. The first midget not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he has to listen to his buddy grunting "One, two, three, huh!" over and over. In the morning his pal asks him, "So how was it?"

"I can't believe how much it sucked," says the first midget. "I couldn't get hard all night. I'm so ashamed." The second midget answers, "You think that's bad? I couldn't even get up on the bed!"

[shreddermon]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

A guy goes to the zoo, and sits down on a bench in front of the tiger pen. There's a prominent sign that says "do not feed the animals". The tiger is licking himself.

A couple of hours later, a second guy comes by. He stands next to the first guy. After a few minutes, he tries to strike up some conversation. "Gee" he says, "is that all that the tiger does?"

The first guy responds "Yeah, I've been here for two hours, and all that tiger has been doing is licking his asshole the whole damn time."

"Well maybe you just missed feeding time" the second guy says.

"Feeding time?" the first guy says. "What do you mean?"

The second guy says "Maybe he ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth." [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[BLOOD SPLATTER]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog??

Hmmm,it really does taste like chicken!!

[mhalsey]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." Moral - Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make youthe happiest woman in the world"The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out ofthe shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would thinkif I mowed the lawn like this?""Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New
York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it
just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.' "
- Richard Jeni
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He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
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An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friendsand took along a few pictures to show the hostess. Shelooked at the photos and commented, "These are very good!You must have a good camera." He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to gohome he said, "That was a really delicious meal! You musthave some very good pots."

[Emthrax]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] - the one about the camera and the cooking pots was good!

Okay, here's one:

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat...... He says " Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, "here - try these on." ! So, she did and said, "These are too big, I can't wear them."

I replied, "... Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try. So on his honeymoon, Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, "Here try these on." So she does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me." Jack says, "... Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says, "Here, you try on mine." So he does and says, "I can't get into your pants."
So Jill says, "... Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will."

[mhalsey]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[atomic charvel guy]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

this dude gets a job at the "pink pussycat" which is a sex toy store down in the village in new york city. it's his first day and the boss is freaking out saying-"holy shit i have to go to a meeting and then get some errands done and i haven't had time to train you at all. look, just do your best and don't burn the place down o.k.? i'll be back in 2 hours". so the new guy is sitting behind the counter and a white girl comes in and goes "how much for the ten inch black dildo?" the guy answers back -"that will be $10.00 for that", the girl agrees and pays for it. 10 minutes later a black girl walks in and says "how much for that 10 inch white dildo?" the new guy says "that will be $10.00". she agrees and buys the dildo. a half hour later a polish woman walks in and asks "how much for the plaid dildo?" the new guy is like" plaid dildo? what the fukk are you, oh the plaid dildo, that will be $40.00". the [polish girls says "$40.00!!!! c'mon", and the new guy says "sorry, that's the best i can do". she agrees and buys it. finally the boss gets back in a huff and comes in screaming "is everything o.k.? is everything in one piece?" the new guy says- "is everything o.k.? you should give me a raise, while you were gone i sold a white girl a black dildo, a black girl a white dildo, and i just sold your fukkin' thermos for $40.00!!!!"

[Emthrax]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

AAAA-HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! A THERMOS?! [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
Omihell is that EVER funny! [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[VitaminG]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

A woman walks into a pub and sees a really good looking bloke sitting at the bar. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. He says, "Magic Bitter."
She thinks he's a bit of a nutter, so she walks around the pub. After realising that there is no one else worth talking to, she goes back to the man sitting at the bar. She says, "That isn't really Magic Bitter, is it?"
He says, "Yes. I'll show you." So, he takes a gulp of the bitter, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times, and comes back into the window. She can't believe it. She says to him, "I bet you can't do that again." So, he takes another drink of the bitter, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times, and comes back in the window.
She is amazed. She says that she wants a Magic Bitter. So the bloke says to the bartender, "Give her a pint of what I'm having."
She gets her pint, takes a gulp, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body and dies.

The bartender looks up at the bloke and says, "Superman, you're an asshole when you're pissed."

[Thor Von Clemson]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

[ QUOTE ]
Superman, you're an asshole when you're pissed."



[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] That was great! [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[RacerX]

Re: Friday Jokes( yes you read it , they\'re back )

Forgot the skybar part, Gary.... [img]/images/graemlins/poke.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]