help

[taxistationary]

I need your help...how I don't know though. My girlfriend broke up with me for good, and it hurts soo much. I know I sound like the typical winey 17 year old, but I really am heartbroken. She was my very first in a lot of ways and things. I love her and care for her with all my heart, but she just doesn't want anyone in her life right now. We've been together for almost a year and a half. I tottaly understand and I respect her wishes, but I'm torn up inside. I don't have anyone to talk to either. All I can do now is sit around and read all the great notes she wrote me and think about how much we used to adore one another. I call her a lot now, and she doesn't mind talking to me, shes just busy studying for finals. All of my motivation seems gone. I know you guys really can't do anything about it, and I'm not asking for anything. I just wanted your insight and maybe some advice. It just seems like any time I think of moving on I get real emotional. She was so special to me and it hurts really bad. I really don't have any friends either...

She says that we can be friends, and I call her alot to talk with her about things. Do you think if I give it time and leave her alone some (still keeping in freq contact), that she might come around? We were both really good to each other and thats why it hurts the most.

Sorry for sounding gay...it's just the truth

Thanks...
John

[Tekky]

Re: help

Don't call her. Move on. As difficult as it may seem, it's the best thing you can do for yourself.

[zeegler]

Re: help

You MUST do the following:

Burn the notes you have from her, or find somewhere to put them where you can't get at them easily.

Do NOT call her. The more you hear her voice, the more you will miss her. The more you call her, the less likely she is to want to talk to you. You will probably end up sounding like a whiny pussy on the phone, and you don't want that. You might even cry like a baby and beg her to take you back.

Absorb yourself in something. Focus on productive things. You will surprised how easy it is to be motivated when you are in pain. Work out & get ripped. Play guitar A LOT. Do NOT sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Keep busy.

You do sound gay, but we have all been there. Now stop being a pussy, and become a madman. You are better than this!!!

[sully]

Re: help

yep. it sucks man, but if you accept reality on reality's terms (she doesn't want to date anymore) and move forward, you'll be setting good emotional foundations for yourself in the future.

we've all been there, and it blows. give yourself some slack for a week or so and deal with the loss, but don't call her b/c you're only making things worse on yourself. you cannot remain friends. not sayin you have to hate her or something, but as long as you're friends, there will always be that part of you that's pining away and hoping for things to be "as they once were."

sorry man, it sucks. but you gotta move forward.

sully

[donf]

Re: help

[ QUOTE ]
Don't call her. Move on. As difficult as it may seem, it's the best thing you can do for yourself

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with Tekky. If there's any kind of doubt on her part, time to move on. As much as it hurt, you'll waste your life dwelling on something that won't happen, for the next 6 month/year, if you let it. Don't!

Sorry for the heartache! [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[sully]

Re: help

oh. and try to nail her best friend if you can. or maybe her mom, if she's hot. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

but whatever you do, don't sit around listening to sad bastard music all damn day. go work out or somethin.

[discordant]

Re: help

i really feel for you man, we've all been there and its a horrible place to be. the best thing to do in this situation is to NOT act too needy by calling her all the time and stuff. try and keep some distance and dont let her think that she could have you back in an instant if she wanted to. try not to dwell on things by reading old notes, looking at photos etc just burn them whilst listening to some metal (you'll feel much better) [img]/images/graemlins/headbang.gif[/img] . i know it will be hard to believe at the moment but another girl will come along soon and you will care about her 10x more, it probably feels like it's gonna hurt forever but trust me it won't. hope it all works out for you mate, good luck

[guitarsjb]

Re: help

Yep, do NOT call her. You are only torturing (sp?) yourself. If she dumped you now, even if you two DID get back together, she would probably do it again later. Grab your guitar and play the hell out of it. It's a great emotional release, at least it is for me.

[markD]

Re: help

i feel your pain, man. i've been through that many times. i know it sounds harsh and it's the last thing YOU want to do, but TEKKY is right...move on. staying friends will make you hurt more in the long run. it will confuse you, her, and make things worse. time will heal a broken heart, and you owe that to yourself. i know it isn't what you want to here, but it's the truth - i know from experience. her being the first in a lot of things for you will make it harder, but you can do it. take it one day at a time. also, she'll respect you more in the long run - and if it is meant to be, she'll be back. but don't get your hopes up. sorry to sound like a dick at the end, but....

[taxistationary]

Re: help

Jeez guys, thanks. It's gonna be harder then hell, but I guess it must be done. If something happens down the road then cool, but I can't keep thinking about what used to be. Thanks guys. You guys really are cool and I really appericate it!!!

[npacheco]

Re: help

Sorry to hear this bud. Zeeg is right though, burn the notes or put them away someplace where you won't be able to read them as easily. You're only making the pain worse. Do not call her, and if you absolutely MUST call her, don't do it very often (i.e., once a month might be too often).

It sucks, but all these guys are right, you must move on.

Put your time and attention into other things (as Zeeg put it, work out and get ripped or play the guitar like a madman).

Go out, hang out and don't look for a replacement. By the same token, don't push any new prospects away because you are still "into" this chick.

Maybe you could write a killer song out of this heartache :-)

[txcharvel]

Re: help

Whatever you do, DON'T CALL HER!!! She says she doesn't mind, but she's just saying that to make herself feel better because she dumped you and feels like a bad person for doing it. Plus, everytime you call her it gives her something to talk about with her friends (yes, she is talking about you with her friends).

I can't stress this part enough...MOVE ON!!! Use this time to become a shredding madman on the guitar. Maybe it'll make you famous some day and then she'll really regret dumping you.

And I hate to say this to you, but she didn't dump you because she wanted time by herself or to study. She dumped you because she wants to be available if something better comes along. It's quite noble really, she could just cheat on you. Instead she chose to do the honorable thing and break it off.

Hang in there man, in a few months it won't even matter. Trust me. Every guy on this board has been in this situation except we didn't have 20 people on the JCF telling how to do it right. We had to figure it out on our own and make a fool out of ourselves at least once [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[BillMeiggs]

Re: help

yep move on...

time heals many things, that and alcohol [img]/images/graemlins/toast.gif[/img]

but really you can't dwell on this..

[StukaJU87]

Re: help

Not much more to be said. The advice given already is the best advice.

I wonder though, how come you have no friends? Everyone needs them. One mistake alot of young guys make when they date a girl is that they dump their friends in order to spend every free moment with their girl and her friends. Don't make this mistake. Your friends will remember it, then you'll have no one to return to.

Girls come and go at your age. I am 41 and still hang out with the same guys I knew in grade school. Why? Because I always made time to include them when we went out and also did plenty of guys nights out and poker games, concerts, jamming etc to keep our friendships tight.

I guess what I am getting at is don't forget your buddies. It is times like this that you need them the most.

[Number Of The Priest]

Re: help

There is the whole classic psychological gender battle going on here. Whether you consciously know it or not, by calling her frequently, she consciously or unconsciously perceives your actions as needy, wussy, and insecure, and will push you away. She will know that she can do better than a "whiny little wimp" like yourself.

Taking this, you MUST use a tool called "reframing your mind" to turn the situation around. This will take a little effort on your part and you probably will ignore my advice concerning this, but I'm going to say it anyways. In reframing, you must wholeheartedly BELIEVE that YOU were not at fault, and that YOU can do better than HER. YOU are the prize catch and SHE is the one who is going to be missing out. You must portray yourself as confident, stable, able to get any girl you want, and have no hang-ups. Imagine yourself as the powerful man you want to be, what he looks like, how he speaks, and what his bodily posture is. Now PRACTICE it in front of a mirror. That might be the gay part but it PAYS OFF.

Psychology. All psychology. Reframe your mind and your reality. Project outwards this new manly you who is indifferent, confident, and the ALPHA-MALE, and that YOU choose women worthy of YOUR attention and not the other way around.

Tough exercise, but it's better and more attractive than to go moping around in a public place venting to other women you just met about how you're a spineless little wuss. They'll think something is wrong with you if you project the needy wussy attitude.