Lame Jokes

[sonicsamurai]

Re: Lame Jokes

dude

what is your problem all of a sudden?
[img]/images/graemlins/brow.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/scratchhead.gif[/img]

[mm2002]

Re: Lame Jokes

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: 1), you have to be single, and 2), you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic!"

"OK" the Nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin, and I'm going to a Halloween party."

[Hyperfuzz]

Re: Lame Jokes

A duck walks into a pharmacy and goes to the counter and says "I need a case of Chapstick and I need it fast". The pharmacist asks "How do you plan on paying for that?" The duck replies "Ah, just put it on my bill".

[Chameleonfong]

Re: Lame Jokes

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for
his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an
acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,
do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like
you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Test of Three?"

"That's right,"Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about
my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to
say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure
that what you are about to tell me is true?"

No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's
true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of
Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student
something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad
about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there
is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want
to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is
neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at
all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates
was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also
explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife. ..

[PowerTube]

Re: Lame Jokes

What's Irish and comes out in the springtime?
Paddy O'Furniture

What do you call a fat Chinaman?
A chunk!

What's the Italian word for suppository?
"Innuendo"

The Russian word for VD?
"Rotchercockoff"

The German word for Vaseline?
"Derweinerschleider!"

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Potato

What do you call two Vietnamese guys in a 1969 Dodge Charger?
The Gooks of Hazard!

[Chameleonfong]

Re: Lame Jokes

A man was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready
to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man
with no arms dancing all around on the river bank. He thought
to himself, 'life isn't so bad after all', and got off the
railing.

He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man
for saving his life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump
off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even
though you have no arms, I changed my mind."

"I am not dancing," the armless man replied bitterly. "My ass
itches, and I can't scratch it."

[RacerX]

Re: Lame Jokes

So you scratched it for him, right, Fong? What a Samaritan you are! [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[heartfielder]

Re: Lame Jokes

And a good one at that !!!