I need all the male jcfr's help

[Inearthed]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
i'd be more concerned with what sounds like shopping to fix self esteem issues.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree!

[fett]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
you should, however, have her donate all the clothes that she doesn't wanna wear anymore; we do that every coupla months.

sully

[/ QUOTE ] I bet you wouldn't do that with your 'tars. And the sad thing is, you can buy an "object duh art" "tar for the same price as a pair of woman's shoes. I'm with EM [img]/images/graemlins/headbang.gif[/img]

[Emthrax]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

One last thing...

If you try the reverse psychology approach, that may help. But you HAVE to mean it (she'll see through it otherwise).
If you can get through to her how beautiful you think she is and how cool you think she is perhaps you can help her be in a better frame of mind.
Perhaps she is bored, or discontent with herself, or needs another hobby. You can help her with that.

If the budget is a constraint (you've been given good advice already), if you can help her realize that her love of shopping is something you can respect but that there does need to be a boundary, that may work. Be prepared to compromise something on your end that is a fair monetary comprimise.

Okay, I will shut up now. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Razor]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

I feel like as long as the bills are paid, and we're putting some money in a couple of nest eggs, then any surplus is free game to spend between my wife and I. If she wants something, and we can afford it (i.e. PAY CASH) then we get it. Same scenario with me. If we can't afford it then it gets tabled until we're able to afford it.

As long as she or you aren't spending tomorrows money today, then I don't think it's a problem. If you can't afford it, then you should point out having a budget, the need for it, and stick to it.

[Emthrax]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
Em. go get yer pirate name before the day is through.
y'arrrrgh. just sayin.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yo Sully, Matey! I did! [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]
I have two... the one for "Emmy" was about a "mean tongue" if I remember correctly. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[sully]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

actually, i've gotten rid of about 80% of the guitars that i've owned over the past 2 years. pretty much, the only ones i have are ones with my name on them, with one or two (and no more than that) exceptions. i'm not in the same boat as this situation, though, in that my g/f doesn't have to worry about my expenditures. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[fett]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

What a "Mellow Em" or is that a "Yellow Em & EM" I could not resist, and I am so sorry. That was really a thoughtful reply. [img]/images/graemlins/headbang.gif[/img]

[Emthrax]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

Okay, how's this then:

FUCK CLOTHES. Women don't need them. [img]/images/graemlins/popcorn.gif[/img]

Okay... some do. [img]/images/graemlins/what.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Newc]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

A study released a few years ago showed that the vast majority of women derive the same or more pleasure from shopping as they do having an orgasm.
This study, IIRC, monitored brainwave activity during shopping/buying (and NOT buying) trips, eating chocolate, and having sex. Shopping (with or without buying) and screwing unto orgasm had about the same results on the brain, and chocolate was closer to foreplay with hugs and kisses and such, but the brainwave pattern at the end of each experience was the same.

Shopping WITH buying resulted in slightly higher brainwave activity, in line with a peak sexual experience (multiple orgasms).

You'll also notice that on shopping days she's not too keen on sex that evening? Do it before she goes, and maybe she won't go. If she gets out the door before you get in bed, you may as well do it yourself, or go shopping too [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Top Jimmy B]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

I pay a grand a month for a car I can only drive for six so my wife is entitled to her $150 haircuts and whatever the hell else she wants, in my opinion. I'm not even going to attempt to put a dollar figure on the amazing job she does with our children.

Having said that, in the early years of our marriage we put a higher value on a buck. I had just graduated from university and she was entering, so budgeting was a priority. Now that we're both finished, things are different and so are the arguments. lol

If it's not causing a financial strain I would learn to live with it. If the money is an issue then you need to have a talk...a nice kind and gentle talk. An irate musicians wife is a dangerous wife. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Inazone]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

Present her with a check...a REALITY check. Ask her to write down how much money SHE has coming in and how much HER expenses are out of each paycheck. Are you paying any of her expenses? Do you have any "together" expenses yet? If you're getting married, I can only assume that the two of you are covering at least a portion of the wedding costs. Now ask her if SHE has any debt. Don't count her clothing purchases into the debt or expense categories unless she is paying with a credit card and is currently carrying a balance. In other words, ONLY factor in her cash flow.

Now, do the same for yourself. If your incomes, debts and expenses are drastically different, take that into account and compare them based on percentages. If you are paying her bills because she spends her money on clothes or manicures or whatever, she needs to see that.

[GodOfRhythm]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
An irate musicians wife is a dangerous wife.


[/ QUOTE ]

No truer words have ever been spoken.

[fett]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
Okay, how's this then:

FUCK CLOTHES. Women don't need them. [img]/images/graemlins/popcorn.gif[/img]

Okay... some do. [img]/images/graemlins/what.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ] Na. I liked your thoughtful reply better. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Thor Von Clemson]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

I guess I am just scared she is going to spend money we need. Times are tough now, and we need absolutely every penny. She is a cosmetoligist, and makes pretty good tips. I told her as long as her bills are paid, she can spend her tips on whatever she would like as long as its not crack or something. She was pretty happy with that cuz she does not feel like she is being controlled. Maybe its just a female thing, but when I politely ask her to curb her spending, I am being a controlling jerk.

I am content with saying yes dear, and accepting the things I cannot change (i.e the status quo and the stereotypes that society and the media impose on women). I have chosen to love her unconditionally, and I always will. I guess what I would like out of it is for the whole "its a girl thing" to go out the door. Lets face it, sometimes its fun to go out and buy crap we dont need.I hate it when people hide behind stereotypes.... [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]

I guess whether it is clothes, cds, or whatever, as long as we can comfortably afford it I could care less. There are a million and one metal cds I could buy, as well as a bunch of movies.

As far as gear goes, I am down to a POD, a kelly, an acoustic, a cab, and a set of monitors. I used to have 8 guitars, two of them being usa jacksons, and a few stacks of amps. I have since sold all that and I am down to barely anything. I guess that is another reason I get pissed when she claims she needs to go shopping. I am selling things that are necessary to do what I like to do and what is part of my life (playing in a band and making music) and she is buying purses. The only two pieces of gear that I need are a Powerblock and a backup guitar.

I guess as long as the bills are getting paid everything will be ok. It gives me an excuse to go out and buy a seven string right?...

[GodOfRhythm]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
Okay, how's this then:

FUCK CLOTHES. Women don't need them. [img]/images/graemlins/popcorn.gif[/img]

Okay... some do. [img]/images/graemlins/what.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

I expect you to post a full pictorial, starring yourself, as proof of your statement. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]