I need all the male jcfr's help

[LRGman]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
"I'm a girl. Its a girl thing"

Thats what she says when she claims she NEEDs to get her nails and hands and whatever done. When she claims she needs to get new clothes and she will never be happy with what she has. She has more clothing NOT in her closet that I have had my entire life. I am a pretty simple person. I feel I have my head screwed on pretty well. When it comes down to it, I try my hardest not to get anything I do not need.

So what am I supposed to say to her when she justifies spending money we do not have on things a human does not need? I try telling her I am a man... Why dont I light up a dube and watch some porn?

Dont get me wrong, I love her madly and I am very excited to be married. Its just I am a little concerned about her claiming she needs these things.

How can I talk to her about these things without getting pissed and thinking all women are materialistic shopping money sucking demons who are going to cause me to lose my hair and start drinking heavily? Joy (my fiance) is pretty down to earth most of the time, and I am sure most men would pray for a woman who uses her brain AT ALL, much less most of the time... Sometimes though I feel like all she cares about is money and buying new clothes.


Any advice?

[/ QUOTE ]

Hey if you got the bread and it makes her happy, let it slide.

Although you might try sitting down and saying you know how much she likes shopping, you need to budget a certain amount.

Hey women need thinks like nails done and new clothes its part of life, welcome to marriage. And we need things like more guitars, cars, bikes,boats....My shopping is way more expensive than my girls, I encourage her to buy stuff and do things for herself. Life is short and a stack of money is not going to make it last longer.

[JACKSONFREAK]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

I gotta agree with Em on this one. Not because she's a woman but because she said what i was gonna say before i said it. Your fiancee feels inatiquate about her appearance for some reason. she might be the most beautiful woman in the world and to you she probably is. However she doesnt see it that way. she seems to need these things to help herslef feel better about herself and more attractive. Switch your frame of mind to think that when she needs Manicures and pedicures and new clothes every two weeks or what ever. Just tell her (and yo have to believe this yourself or it wont work don;t be afriad to express your feelings women love that trust me if they say they dont they are lying) tell her she beautiful just the way she is and doesnt need to do these things to make her self look better cus its not possable. You can't improve on perfection. As lame as it may sound with the rightdelivery and timing it will work. If she feels she needs to do it for you the same applies. Works in both situations. You save money tell your fiance how beautiful she is (big browny points) and lets her know you care and doenst make you look bad in anyway. BONUS!! applied properly those phrases will work and you'll come out looking like the best guy in the world.
Gil

[horns666]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

oh boy ..sigh.. [img]/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Combined both of your paychecks into into one lump some. This is divided into THREE parts...this is IMPORTANT..So Pay Attention!!

Bill

[Emthrax]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
Holy Crap!
My dear BillZ, please take this as the compliment it is intended to be....

You are a dick! [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Love your little metal sis,
Emmy
(as she ducks and runs away!)

[horns666]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]...Well my sister Emmy , either this struck a nerve with you because you are "guilty" as charged.. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

or the exception to the rule.. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

You are a very smart woman with much due care and common sense..

But MINK YA..if the guys in MY family didn't handle the money...there would be NO money!!!!

and this is true as the sky is blue.

So , if that's being a dick (never said I wasn't)..I am a Penisaurus REX!! [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[donf]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
I can honestly say I've never had this problem. My wife doesn't really spend much on herself and usually I have to force her to do it. If she finds a pair of jeans she likes and it's expensive she always says she will wait till they are on sale!!.. I have to convince her if we have the money then buy them ..

[/ QUOTE ]

Same Kev. I make great money and she, even better than me. Her management of money is excellent, but when it comes time to buy herself something, I almost have to force her also. If I get a gass attack, she tells me to go get it, but if she's want to order a $14.00 nautical shelf out of a catalog, she comes and ask me if it's alright. [img]/images/graemlins/scratchhead.gif[/img] I always look at her funny and ask her why she's asking me that.
But I also understand the other side of the house because my ex did the compulsive shopping thing, along with shoplifting stuff when she didn't have the money. Now that sucks! [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] Thank god that lifes over.

[Shawn Lutz]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

so...what some of you people are saying is that any woman who gets her nails and hair done needs to see a shrink? C'mon why does there always have to be some underlying alternate reasoning for anything anyone does. Too much Oprah and Dr. Phil goin on. Ever think that maybe these woman just like nice hair and nails? I personally think nice hair and nails on a woman is a good thing and I don't think every woman who has them needs to seek therapy because they like to look good, whether it be for themselves or their man!

[~K~]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

Shawn as usual I agree 100% with your reasoning ..

I think they should be able to do whatever makes them feel good provided the funds are available to do that. It makes me laugh to see so many guys here not understand why their wives don't like the guitar purchases etc.. it seems that it's nothing more than a control struggle that simply doesn't need to be there ...

[Tekky]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
Wow this thread is a drastic departure from "How do I sneak another guitar past my wife"!! .. ROTFF

I can honestly say I've never had this problem. My wife doesn't really spend much on herself and usually I have to force her to do it. If she finds a pair of jeans she likes and it's expensive she always says she will wait till they are on sale!!.. I have to convince her if we have the money then buy them ..

On this flip side if this is a stressful issue to you then you have to sit down with her and communicate that. If your bills are paid and you are not screaming poverty is this a really a big deal for you financially? Does she have a fit when you buy new gear?

[/ QUOTE ]

I knew our wives got along too well at NAMM. Then throw Brad's wife in the mix, the tree of dem are trouble! [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Emthrax]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
Shawn as usual I agree 100% with your reasoning ..

I think they should be able to do whatever makes them feel good provided the funds are available to do that. It makes me laugh to see so many guys here not understand why their wives don't like the guitar purchases etc.. it seems that it's nothing more than a control struggle that simply doesn't need to be there ...

[/ QUOTE ]

This is exactly true, Kev. I don't understand the struggle either. But then again, BOTH Keith and I like all the same toys. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
If a woman wants to primp and do all that "girlie" stuff, that's cool too. I just don't understand why she has to go somewhere to have that done. [img]/images/graemlins/scratchhead.gif[/img]
That could just be a flaw in my genetic code though. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
The control struggle can go both ways too. Women are far more sneaky than men, so you might not even notice it. Like "letting" the man handle the finances because she "can't" do it. (okay, that was just an example) [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

And BillZ- Keith used to SUCK at doing the finances. He is total math genius but I had to teach him the simple task of banking and bugeting years ago. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
We'll be married 11 years next month, we're very comfortable with how we do things, works great! [img]/images/graemlins/headbang.gif[/img]
We both handle our finances. He's gone half the year so everything falls to me anyway. [img]/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif[/img]

-Em

[hippietim]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

My wife and I take good care of each other. She takes amazing care of our children. I spend way too much time and money on guitars. So there is no way I am going to begrudge her a day at the spa once in a while, or nice clothes, or Longaberger baskets, or whatever. It all balances out in our house. We have a nice house, a couple nice vehicles, money in the bank, and I have guitars scattered all over - things are good.

Come to think of it, if anyone should see a shrink it's me. I'm a mess. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[~K~]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

I hoenstly think the idea to any partership is to be able to nurture each others needs.

My wife has NEVER complained about a guitar purchase!!If I wanted anything I have the freedom to have it and she knows that the same applies to her .. that's certainly the way it should be .. it's a partnership not a dictatorship ..

[shreddermon]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

My wife and I learned a long time ago about living beyond your means. When we got right out of college, we had (combined) thousands of $ in credit card debt. Utter stupidity. Back then, neither of us knew how to handle our money well and live within our means.

We put ourselves on a budget, paid down all our debt, and started saving for our major life goals, like a house, new cars, etc. It took a few years and wasn't easy, but we got there and then some.

Ever since then - which is a long time ago, now [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] - we're pretty conservative with our money. Everything in life is relative: the more you make, the more you spend. And the bigger the risk is that you can dig a deep financial hole for yourselves with poor decisions. And, as you get older and make more $, the potential size of that hole will be much bigger, too.


We probably don't quite save as much as we'd like to, but I think part of that is we save a lot of $ that is never mentally "ours". i.e., It's taken right out of our paychecks, straight into retirement accounts and college savings for our kids. So we never "see" that money, even though we have a lot socked away. It's just not easily accessable - and that's a good thing.

So, now, we're financially comfortable enough that we don't typically sweat the "little things". My wife is just as financially savvy as myself. And, although I take care of things on a day-to-day basis, we always manage our finances jointly. Every major decision - goals to save for, priorities, and big splurge purchases - is discussed and agreed to by BOTH of us. Heck, I don't even consider ordering a new guitar unless the money is already sitting in the bank to pay for it. And my wife's been great about being supportive of my gear whore-ness. So when she decides she wants a little - or big - something, I usually return the favor. I rarely give her a hard time about such things because she does the same. It's a nice check-and-balance thing: we each reasonably control ourselves. And, in doing so, we keep each other in check, too. Fairness to each other is the key.

[donf]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

[ QUOTE ]
I hoenstly think the idea to any partership is to be able to nurture each others needs.

My wife has NEVER complained about a guitar purchase!!If I wanted anything I have the freedom to have it and she knows that the same applies to her .. that's certainly the way it should be .. it's a partnership not a dictatorship ..

[/ QUOTE ]

+1

[pro-fusion]

Re: I need all the male jcfr\'s help

Let me join the chorus here advocating setting a basic budget and socking money away in savings when you first get the paycheck. My wife and I were horribly irresponsible for so long that it will take us years to dig out (not to mention tons of student loan debt), but ever since we started a realistic savings plan--doing that before ANYTHING else--things have been looking up for us.

I also advocate doing basic budgeting, but I'm not one of those folks who favors budgeting everything down to the last nickel. That's great for running a business, but no way to live your personal life. Make sure you have a certain amount of 'fun money' for both of you that is NOT budgeted down in any way. Obviously that has to come after the savings and the bills, though.