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I usually delete junk mails from my mom, but these gave me a good laugh...
Donald Rumsfeld was giving the president his daily
briefing. He
concluded by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian
soldiers were killed."
"Oh No!!!!" the president exclaimed. "That's
terrible!"
His staff sat stunned at this display of emotion,
nervously watching as
the president sat, head in hands. Finally, the
president looked up and
asked, "How many, exactly, is a brazillion?"
Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last six months have been hell. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in ten minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game (as usual). You pay more attention to the damned TV than you do to me!! You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me, notice me or anything. On top of all that, your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today without any warning or explanation, and that was the last straw. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! We've been having an affair for almost 4 months now!! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. While it's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. FYI, I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week; the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" However, my mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the Lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. By the way, my lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem for you.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
Donald Rumsfeld was giving the president his daily
briefing. He
concluded by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian
soldiers were killed."
"Oh No!!!!" the president exclaimed. "That's
terrible!"
His staff sat stunned at this display of emotion,
nervously watching as
the president sat, head in hands. Finally, the
president looked up and
asked, "How many, exactly, is a brazillion?"
Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last six months have been hell. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in ten minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game (as usual). You pay more attention to the damned TV than you do to me!! You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me, notice me or anything. On top of all that, your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today without any warning or explanation, and that was the last straw. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! We've been having an affair for almost 4 months now!! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. While it's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. FYI, I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week; the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" However, my mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the Lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. By the way, my lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem for you.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
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