My band is self destructing....

[guitarsjb]

Ok, like the title says..it seems we are self destructing..maybe imploding..something..
We had our drummer quit about 3 months ago due to being scared that we were getting some shows and things were looking up, and he couldn't handle it (his words)..so he bailed.
Well we get this new kid, he's pretty good played a show with him so far, been practicing our asses off because we have a 10 city "tour" coming up around the end of next month (dates not confirmed yet).
Well, our lead guitarist starts flaking out, not coming to practice, giving excuses why he can't be around etc. Then (he's going to Italy for 2 weeks, leaves tomorrow) last Friday, he informs us, that when he gets back if ANY of these dates are on weekdays, he can't go. BAM! How the hell to you go from OK, MO, KS, IA etc and not have to do something on a weekday. Ok, so we start looking for a guitar player.
Today the drummer calls, says...I quit my job Saturday. He has a new one, but...Well, that now means he can't practice our normal days (he's not sure gonna check on that) but he's also going to get a 2nd job, needs more money, and so the tour dates (which none of us know) are out for him too. I mean WTF?? I know a lot of you guys have been through shit like this, so I just wanted to rant to you and hear your experiences...


Thanks for reading...
Jeri

[horns666]

Dahhhhh you just put out a CD!!!

Now it implodes..jeeez.

that is so ummmm....typical.

That's sucks ass Jeri, well at least you got this far.. you'll bounce back..

I haven't got passed that dumb demo i did..

sigh..

Bill

[quakana]

Sorry about all your band issues. When I used to play in bands it was the same thing.....tough to put up with. Best of luck to you. I never knew you had a cd out.....where can I find a copy?

[guitarsjb]

Thanks..it just came out a couple of weeks ago. Here's the link it's an EP really (5 songs)
http://Kunaki.com/Sales.asp?PID=PX00HJ282H
Hope you'll check it out.

[jgcable]

That happened to my band when the members started getting into their mid to late 20's. Responsibility, bills, family, normal grown up shit gets in the way of music. It was simple for me. I was asked who signed my paycheck. Since it wasn't music... the choice was simple. Jeri.. sometimes bandmates give up on the dream and start focusing on other things. You will need to find bandmates who are as dedicated as you are. The older you get.. the harder they are to find. I could never do a 10 city tour with gigs on weekdays even when I was 25!! I had a 40 hour a week job during the day and my boss would never have given me a few weeks off to play in my band. If my job wasn't paying for my rent and my bills I would have went. Just curious.. how are you managing a 10 city tour? Do you have a daytime job? Is the tour paying alot of money? Even my most successful band barely made enough money for us to starve. Luckily.. the groupies always provided a place to crash and free eats.

[guitarsjb]

John..all good points and questions bro. I have a daytime job. I manage a hotel. I also live here (whole other set of problems). Me and my husband decided to give it a shot, no matter where it leads. First of all, I am going to talk to my boss about getting a couple to a few weeks off..if he says no (pretty sure he will he's a jerk, in more ways than one) but we are prepared to throw everything in a storage building and head out. Not the smartest decision at 38 (tomorrow) LOL..but I refuse to sit around 10 years from now and say "what if"....James (my husband) had a stroke a few years ago, and is on SS Disabilty...we can live on that. We have tons of current bills, but they can wait, or sue me. I know this probably sounds either cavalier or stupid, but I gotta try. This "tour" will probably cover gas money and a hotel room or 2 along the way LOL...Hope you can understand where I am at this point. Can't (or won't ) NOT do it...make sense? Also, there will be some time where I can "run" home...depends on where we are.

[Inazone]

Reading stuff like this just reinforces what most musicians know, which is that the general public's perception of the "rock n' roll lifestyle" is a far cry from reality. I seriously have people at work ask me why I need a job when I'm in a band...when my job is the only thing keeping this band functioning at all! Not sure about the rest of your bandmates, but in Under Eden, it goes something like this:

Me - Network admin, Mon-Fri 8:30AM-5:30PM, on call 24-7, salaried with paid vacation.
Rhythm guitarist - Lab technician/courier, Mon-Fri 2AM-10AM, hourly with paid vacation.
Vocalist - Studio engineer/club sound tech (just finished school), any hours he can get, contract employee but essentially self-employed at around minimum wage.
Bassist - Casino card dealer, mixed hours week to week, no vacation, min. wage plus tips.
Drummer - Guitar Center drum shop, mixed hours, no vacation, min. wage plus commissions (commission "pays off" hourly wage), currently in three bands and filling in for a fourth.

Being in a band is a ridiculous draw on our collective incomes, and I don't know how we'll ever do even a regional mini-tour. Although everyone has reasonably steady income, three of five band members are missing out on work opportunities simply by playing on Saturday nights. We'll be lucky to manage six shows this year, which is how many we played last year...all local. In two weeks, we play our first out-of-town show since October `04, and only on the condition that our drummer can work his full Saturday shift first and be home in time to get up for work Sunday morning. The show is a whopping 60 miles from Minneapolis.

Living the dream!

[Speiro]

John..all good points and questions bro. I have a daytime job. I manage a hotel. I also live here (whole other set of problems). Me and my husband decided to give it a shot, no matter where it leads. First of all, I am going to talk to my boss about getting a couple to a few weeks off..if he says no (pretty sure he will he's a jerk, in more ways than one) but we are prepared to throw everything in a storage building and head out. Not the smartest decision at 38 (tomorrow) LOL..but I refuse to sit around 10 years from now and say "what if"....James (my husband) had a stroke a few years ago, and is on SS Disabilty...we can live on that. We have tons of current bills, but they can wait, or sue me. I know this probably sounds either cavalier or stupid, but I gotta try. This "tour" will probably cover gas money and a hotel room or 2 along the way LOL...Hope you can understand where I am at this point. Can't (or won't ) NOT do it...make sense? Also, there will be some time where I can "run" home...depends on where we are.

That's a great attitude Jeri, it's a shame the others aren't as like minded as you. Good luck, I hope you get it all sorted.

[Guitardude86]

I've always dreamed of touring with a band, that is if I get good enough on the guitar that people want to hear me/us play lol..
I still have that dream and i still try to become a better player every day..
On the other hand I've still got a couple of years left of my education. I dropped out of school two years in a row, I didn't care about anything other than music.. All I thought about was music, making music, listening to music, guitars, gear, GAS etc..
It had nothing to do with image or whatever, to be honest i really didn't have a lot of friends back then, I've always been kinda shy anyway, but I'm working on it, slowly getting there, hehe..
Bottom line: I found out the bills weren't going to pay themselves. If I wanted new gear, a new guitar, or even a new CD I had to get a job..
I guess i don't play guitar as much now as I did when I didn't have anything else to do, I'll admit that, but I still have my dreams, and I'm still every bit as serious about music as ever..
But the money's gotta come from somewhere.. It's a dilemma.. Hopefully I'll find some way of balancing it... Time will show.

Best of luck to you Jeri, your dedication to your music is truly admirable!

[levantin]

My other guitar quit the band a month before our album was set to be released. We already had a stand in waiting on the side line (hi Berkay!). If he wasn't around I probably would have freaked. It sucks when people decide to put other things in front of music when you put music first. It's painful when a guy you grew up playing guitar with tells you he's moving to another city. It happens. There is nothing much else to do but pick up the pieces and move on.

Best of luck Jeri!

[donf]

I too, left my band in June for the same reason. We had a lot of gigs lined up, actually, more than I cared for. Many weekends were dedicated to this, and I have a ton of other things in my life that are more important than trying to be a "rock star". Some of the members of the band are reaching out for that stardom, that most likely will never come, and at the end, what are they gonna have to show for it? Struggling.

But it doesn't always have to be about stardom, it could just be for the love of music. Thats where I stood. And to substitute my work hours for a tour would be insane. But I could go home after work, sit at my workstation and do what I enjoy to do.

My kids are older now and my wife and I enjoy travelling. If I wanted to jump on a plane Friday, go to Key West for the weekend and come back on Sunday, I can do it now. So I had to weigh what was more important to me, playing in a ratty bar on Sat, and late enough that it also screwed up my Sunday, or enjoying this time in my life with my wife.

I'm just giving a perspective from the other side of the fence.

[Adam]

You went to all the trouble (a lot of work) to book a 10 city tour, and then two of your members try to veto weekdays?? WTF? How does that work?

Good luck finding new members. It's not an easy road.

[mm2002]

I admire your dedication to your music Sis. The only cure for the problem is a group of band members with the same dedication. Unfortunately, that's very hard to find, but NOT impossible. What you're going through is almost identicle to my experiences in the mid 80's, and the exact reason I gave up on ever keeping a band together. Looking back, I realize that the REAL problem was lack of 100% dedication to the music, and lack of the desire to "rough it out" during the hard times (Probably more of the latter). You seem to have those things under control, so the rest will just have to run its course. I wish you the best.

[fr0sty]

You guys playing up St. Cloud way?

Reading stuff like this just reinforces what most musicians know, which is that the general public's perception of the "rock n' roll lifestyle" is a far cry from reality. I seriously have people at work ask me why I need a job when I'm in a band...when my job is the only thing keeping this band functioning at all! Not sure about the rest of your bandmates, but in Under Eden, it goes something like this:

Me - Network admin, Mon-Fri 8:30AM-5:30PM, on call 24-7, salaried with paid vacation.
Rhythm guitarist - Lab technician/courier, Mon-Fri 2AM-10AM, hourly with paid vacation.
Vocalist - Studio engineer/club sound tech (just finished school), any hours he can get, contract employee but essentially self-employed at around minimum wage.
Bassist - Casino card dealer, mixed hours week to week, no vacation, min. wage plus tips.
Drummer - Guitar Center drum shop, mixed hours, no vacation, min. wage plus commissions (commission "pays off" hourly wage), currently in three bands and filling in for a fourth.

Being in a band is a ridiculous draw on our collective incomes, and I don't know how we'll ever do even a regional mini-tour. Although everyone has reasonably steady income, three of five band members are missing out on work opportunities simply by playing on Saturday nights. We'll be lucky to manage six shows this year, which is how many we played last year...all local. In two weeks, we play our first out-of-town show since October `04, and only on the condition that our drummer can work his full Saturday shift first and be home in time to get up for work Sunday morning. The show is a whopping 60 miles from Minneapolis.

Living the dream!

[Inazone]

You guys playing up St. Cloud way?

I'd like to, but the only (seemingly) serious offer we had was the day after another show, with too many missing details for me to get a good feeling about it. Was a new venue opening or something like that, with a full day "festival" of metal bands. One of these days...