My band is self destructing....

[jgcable]

Its tough. I wanted to be a rock star or at least have a career in music from when I was a child prodigy pianist at the age of 10. I gave it a 100% effort up until I was 26. Thats 16 years or sweating, sacrificing and dedicating myself to music. I worked in a recording studio, I toured, I tried everything and I came really close a bunch of times. Locally.. I was a rock star. Financially... NOPE.
I loved everything about music. Writing it, gigging, recording, the chicks, the fans.. EVERYTHING.
The problem was being 26 years old and working in a car wash because I couldn't get a good job (Ted Nugent told me to quit college.. its a long story). I couldn't get a good job for several reasons:

Hair down to my ass
I usually didn't get home until 5:30am if I got home at all.
The only thing I was really good at was music

I always hear famous people on TV talk about chasing your dream and never giving up. Thats easy for them to say when they are zillionaires. Only a small percentage of anybody in the entertainment industry actually gets famous or makes any money.
I am not trying to piss on your parade.. although it sounds like I am...
I am just a fairly bitter musician who never made it.
For me.. personally.. its the most tragic thing I could ever have imagined.
I am so glad my 3 kids aren't musicians.
My oldest son is a state champion wrestler, junior class treasurer, a scholar athlete and can't wait to go to college.
My middle daughter is a straigh A student, a cheerleader and she wants to be an attorney.
My youngest hasn't figured it out yet but she is very smart.
The all love school and can't wait to go to college.
I hated school and the only thing that mattered to me was my band. I couldn't wait to graduate so that I could go out on tour and make $50.00 a night (and that was a good night).
I remember one day working at the car wash (for $5.00 per hour + tips.. yippee) when it occured to me that my non-musician friends were starting to graduate college and get good jobs. They would pull into the Greenwich car wash in new BMW's or other REALLY nice cars, with hot girlfriends and all kinds of plans involving buying a house or how great their jobs are. They would comment on how great I must be doing with my band and that its so cool and they can't wait to see me play and how I was going to be famous blah.. blah.. blah...
I would think about what they said when I got into my 1971 rusted out Plymouth Scamp and went home to my apartment with the metal walls and cooked up some Steak-ums on the stove. Luckily the car would start most of the time and $5.00 worth of gas would get me to rehearsal and back.
There are alot of musicians here who gig.
You know what used to really surprise me at every show?
The fact that most of the crowd actually thought that we got paid well and that we must be doing great. Most of them thought that the band was our source of income.
Here was the breakdown for one of my bands:
I worked at a car wash until I got a "REALLY" good job delivering restaurant supplies in a ratty truck down in the Bowery in Brooklyn
My drummer was a greens keeper at the golf course. he was unemplyed in the winter and lived home with his parents.
My bass player worked in the shipping department at a copier company called Savin Copiers. He had the best job out of all of us. He supplied most of the drugs and booze for our "tours". He would also pay off DJ's to play our record by "donating" a copier machine to them.

Jeri... keep chasing your dream. Just don't ruin your life doing it. Maybe a 10 city tour is not the best route if you have tons of bills, if its causing you to lose bandmates and it could possibly cost you your job if you can't get the time off.
Just my .02

[Emthrax]

Jeri,
I think you've been give a ton of good advice from some stellar veteran musicians here.
The entire situation sucks, no doubt about that.
I think (at least in my opinion) JG said it well: "Keep chasing your dream. Just don't ruin your life doing it."

Always my best to you, you know that!

Hugs,
Em

[danastas]

Up here in Rochester where they have supposedly the best music school in America, I get to go out and listen to some amazing music all the time, a lot of adventurous bands, some jazz-roch fusion, math rock, some crazy Death Metal with horns (the brass kind, not the devil kind). And I find this all over the place, bars, coffee shops, you name it. The other night we were eating in a restaurant and over at the next table the waiter sang an aria for a couple.

This is all because these highly trained musicians, guitarists, vocalists, instrumentalists, drummers,e tc., went to America's top music school, graduated and are now schlepping around town playing gigs.

The luckiest of these musicians--they have a band called Jersey Band, featured on NPR a few years ago--is being housed by a small college, fed in the cafeterias, in return for a regular Friday night gig on campus.

You have to wonder, these are some of the best musicians in their age group. Where does their future lead them? Just look at the crap that the record companies are producing. They're sucking all the air out of the industry, if you ask me.

Americans aren't dumb and they aren't sheep. If some of these companies weren't run by accountants, they'd get a clue and realize that it doesn't take all that much to expand people's listening skills.

[jjw]

you know i cant find a decent bassist for love or money down here!there as rare as rocking horse shit.but yeahh bands can be problems-going to have to get my singer Holly to play bass and problem solved.wise words above,just go with the flow

[lerxstcat]

Jeri, I think John's right. I know the job is sucking right now, but you're describing a situation ripe for a meltdown on the road. Realize that half the club owners out there on that tour might stiff you or lowball you. If you're on a shoestring, out with new players and a band that's divided on whether the tour is even a good idea, well it could be a disaster. The stress would be bad for your husband as a stroke survivor; I am also a stroke survivor and know about the effects of stress.

If the job is going south, maybe look for another job now while you have a job. Maybe you can build in a gap between the two jobs to play some gigs. But if you quit your long-term job without notice, all they have to do is say you quit without notice and that will ruin a longtime reference. The job market is not so great right now, even with lots of experience. And homelessness is overrated, I have learned that the hard way before.

Your drummer and guitarist are bailing on the tour. That's half the band, right? How CAN you realistically go through with it? I would cancel the tour and look for a long term solution instead of leaping into the void. You have a cool CD, that's something. Build upon that instead of going for the Pyrrhic victory. It's not a magical world on the road, it can rather suck if things are stable, let alone when they're shaky.

[Newc]

Sounds like it sucks, but then not everyone has someone at home to foot the bills, and then not everyone thinks the idea of being a starving artist is a good thing. I certainly don't. Yeah I love playing music, but I also enjoy being able to buy. repair, and/or replace essential gear.

Then there's the car that doesn't need $1000 a month put into engine work just to make it run.

And food. Starving sucks. I've been there. I will never do it again, because there is not one idea ever formed in the mind of Man that is worth going without food for.

[guitarsjb]

Thanks for all the replies guys (even the ones I didn't want to hear )
Seriously I have just been in a funk lately, with the job, life in general etc. This just added to my frustrations and bummed me out. Thanks for listening...you guys rock!!

BTW jgcables post should be required reading around here!!

[horns666]

"BTW jgcables post should be required reading around here!!"

yes it does..also been there done that..it makes perfect sense..

Cheer up, it's your birthday..

check that thread..

Bill Z Bub