Free Chili!!!!!!

[fett]

I go to the local market everyday in the morning. The other day I went and being a little hungover, I got confused on this one. The market had cans of Campbell"s 19oz Chilie 10 for $10. Reg $3.29. Well, each can that I saw had a save $1.00 NOW sticker coupon on it. I had to go to my butcher friends and get their opinion as to whether that would make the chili "Free". They said give a shot. I did, and they were.:ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: So, I bought 5 cans there and went to the other market down the road and pulled the same thing for another 8 cans. And, THAT'S why I have money to burn.

[shelby22]

That's hilarious. Why only five cans? Maybe you can return them next week when they are $3.29 again.

[HoWheels]

Or you could always ebay them

-a

[fett]

That's all there were with the stickers. I thought about that and told the butcher. We just laughed knowing that people do that all the time.

[fett]

I just hope to God that they weren't made with horsemeat.:ROTF:

[FusionFarmer]

>>Notes from a chili contest
>>
>
>>
>> Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was
>> visiting from Springfield, IL.
>
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a
>> chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last
>> moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table,
>> asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came
>> in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the
>> chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I
>> could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became
>> Judge 3."
>
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
>
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
>
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
>
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
>
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You
>> could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to
>> put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are
>> crazy.
>
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
>
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
>
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be
>> taken seriously.
>
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not
>> sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two
>> people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to
>> rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
>
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
>
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
>
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
>
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My
>> nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the
>> routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite Barmaid pounded
>> me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest.
>> I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.
>
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
>
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
>
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish
>> for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
>
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue,
>> but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?
>> Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.
>> This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this
>> nuclear taste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
>
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
>
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
>> adding considerable kick. Very impressive
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more
>> tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
>
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead
>> and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind
>> me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told
>> her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue
>> from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I
>> wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the
>> other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
>
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
>
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance
>> of spices and peppers.
>
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers,
>> onions, garlic. Superb.
>
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled
>> with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted,
>> and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems
>> inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips
>> anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
>
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
>
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
>> peppers.
>
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw
>> in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take
>> note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of
>> distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
>
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,
>> and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the
>> world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered
>> with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full
>> of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll
>> know that killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too
>> painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need
>> air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
>
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
>
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not
>> too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
>
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither
>> mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3
>> farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top
>> of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder
>> how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
>
> Judge # 3 - No Report
>

[guitarsjb]

Fusion, that is the funniest thing I have read in awhile!! Damn!!!:ROTF: Oh yeah Fett, congrats on your chili bro!! Free is great!

[fr0sty]

That chili contest was one of the first email jokes I ever received way back when. I literally had tears running down my face from laughing so damn hard!