My wife works more than I do-Should I feel guilty?

[Thor Von Clemson]

WE've been married for 3 months now. The company I was working for, and had been working for over the last year, closed on September 1st. Since then, I have been working 5 days a week, 12-14 hours a day with a moving company delivering furniture. I don't get to see my wife much, which is tough because we are newlyweds. She's been pretty cool about it but we agree I need to use my brains and not my hands. I took this job because we needed some extra cash. She works two jobs at two separate salons 6 days a week. She owns one of them.

This past Friday, a mirror fell on my back. Normally a large bruise and a sore back would not bother me. It was a large mirror that took up an entire wall. It fell on the small of my back which is the same place I FUBAR'ed playing hockey in college. I took a monsterous hit back in 2002 and I've been having problems with it ever since. I went through a few months of therapy a year ago and since then its kind of hit or miss. Some days are great while others are not.

With the problems of my back and the phyiscal demands of this job I am going to have to quit. I was planning on quitting anyways once I found more of a 9-5 office job but not this soon. My wife is working a lot and doing a lot around here. We're fine on money for a few months but for some reason or another I feel pretty guilty about the whole situation. I won't have a job for a few days to a week and my wife will be working two jobs... basically supporting us and still doing all the stuff around the house. We try to share household responsibilites (cooking, cleaning, bills, etc,) as much as possible but lately she's been doing a lot more.

I have quite a few interviews, two of them today, and should have a job pretty quick but I feel guilty as all heck for not being able to do much around here and not working even if it is only for a few days.. has this happened to anyone else?

[Shawn Lutz]

you have a good attitude Thor...it will all fall into place for you sooner or later. If you are really hurt you should check to see if you cna get workmans comp to help until you can find a less physical job..

My wife hasnt worked since 93 (our choice to raise our kids) and there are times that I'd love a sugga momma to help support me

[Thor Von Clemson]

ya dude.. I just got off the phone with her. She told me I could do absolutely nothing for the next week until an interview that I have for a position I am really hoping to get. I told her she was crazy. As much as I would like to sit around and do nothing, I think I would go nuts and feel worse. I can only play guitar for so long, my band only practices two nights this week, and other than surfing the net and working on the computer, I would not have anything to do. I could start playing video games again, which is something I would really like to do, but I bet I would get too caught up in it and feel even more lazy.

I have some interviews today in a few hours. If they offer me a job, I may take a day or two off and start on thursday.

[Norton]

Doing more housework could make you feel better?You'll feel like you're doing more.

[fett]

A marriage is a team effort. You are learning that 3 months into it. And that's a good thing. Your wife sounds wonderful. She sees the situation and knows that you will come through. There is no need to feel guilty. If you force yourself back out of guilt it could have a long-term effect on your back. Just give her a big hug and a kiss. And a big Thank You.

[IrfaanSE801]

Everyone here seems to know what they're talking about. Don't risk injuring yourself more trying to do more, and good luck with the interviews. It's the little things that count, so as much as you can do even around the house I'm sure she'll appreciate it

[Inazone]

Just do NOT get a job at Guitar Center, and everything will be fine.

What is your job/education background or area of interest?

[Misanthrope189]

Yeah, Thor, your wife sounds great. It's also good that you feel guilty, only because it shows that you care about your wife and you care about making equal contributions to the household. She sounds very supportive. I'm guessing that you told her how you feel, because she said you could do nothing the entire week. Perhaps she's just concerned about your health and your back, and wants you to recover and not stress yourself. If you want to do something, you could always wash her car, or change her oil, do some painting, or write her a song with your band. Flowers always seem nice, but since you're concerned about the money situation, maybe buying her a dozen might not help. Even cooking her spaghetti, or a foot massage, or a nice night in bed with a movie, or...other ways of showing your appreciation in bed...

Interview processes take time, and she seems very reasonable and understanding of that. Things'll work out.

Cheers,
NIck

[atomic charvel guy]

Jesus dude, you sound like you have a really nice wife. The millisecond that the juicy money stopped rolling in was the moment my life became a living hell that has me beyond angry, and beaten to a pulp to this day. I tip my hat to you and your wife. I know I'll never say "I Do" again, I'm not fit to be anyones husband that's for sure. Actually, fukk that, I gave with everything I had in my heart, but insecurity and "deception" according to my ex-wife turned our living room into fukkin' Iraq. And no matter what has been said, I know the truth, unfortunately , she does not, she just likes to think I did all kinds of fukked up things. Marriage is truly for people who are supposed to be together, and it sounds like you two have hit the jackpot. You're a lucky man.
Good luck, I hope things change for you soon.