No Soliciting

[finnman]

Doorbell just rang.
I open the door and two Jehovah Witness are standing on my porch.
Without a word I open my screen door and point to my
“NO SOLICITING”, sign that is clearly visible.
“Oh, where not soliciting” he says.
I said “Bullshit. You’re soliciting your religion.”
What the FU-K is wrong with people.
Then they get all pissy when I tell them to beat it.
What the fu-k else do I need to do to get it across
I don’t want you coming to my door?
The End.
Finn

[shreddermon]

I hear 'ya dude. I've got a family of them down the street from me. Pushy f**kers, they are. We've already seen them twice this year. And, somehow, they managed to add our phone number to some JW-related firm looking to manage investments for us "along with the rest of their church families". ...Yeah, RIGHT!!! Manage "this", a-hole. F'n cult-like.

[fett]

I get the Mormon Missionaries. Twice in two months. My dad's family is way Mormon, so I understand their "Mission". The neat thing is my La-Z-Boy is right next to the front door. All I have to do is lean back and say my whole family is Mormon and have a nice day.:ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: I thought my dad said "Moron" and my mom was what she was. I am a double agnostic.

[Rsmacker]

I invited Jehovah's Witnesses in telling them we worship Satan in our house and we're about to sacrifice a goat. Would they like a cup of tea while they wait, then they can tell me aaaaall about it?

Hey, where you going?


They haven't been back either.

[VitaminG]

well that's a fine turnabout! They want to tell you all about their religion but aren't interested in hearing about yours. How rude!

[shreddermon]

I invited Jehovah's Witnesses in telling them we worship Satan in our house and we're about to sacrifice a goat. Would they like a cup of tea while they wait, then they can tell me aaaaall about it?

Hey, where you going?


They haven't been back either.

Actually, it's funny you say that. Back in high school, a bunch of us were partying over at a buddies house. We were all lit pretty well. And then some JWs rang the doorbell. He answered his door, they started to make their pitch and he stopped them in their tracks by screaming at the top of his lungs, Sam Kinison-style "I WORSHIP SATAN, AND YOU CAN ALL GO TO HELL!!!" Seeing that when baked was priceless.

[toejam]

Heh. Funny thing, I came out of the supermarket a few weeks ago and was loading my trunk up, when an old lady came up behind me and asked me if I wanted a copy of the Watchtower. I politely told her no, and she walked away.

Then, just last week, I got two envelopes in the mail (one addressed to me and one addressed to my ex-wife who hasn't lived here in over five years) with a sample page from the Watchtower. There was a letter in it that explained they're doing a world-wide mass mailing now! WTF?!?

[buzzsaww]

I had a solicitor one day peel off my no soliciting sticker, about 3"x5" and stuck to my mail box which was eye level just to the right of my front door, crumple it and stick it in his pocket then proceed to ring the doorbell. Little did he know I watched him from the couch. I greeted him with a "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE" at the top of my lungs in his face. He was indignant and had the nerve to ask why I was so rude. I told him what I had just witnessed he didn't have much of a come back, just kind of stammered and shuffled off. I wanted to wring his neck but didn't think the cops would see it my way if I did. LOL.

[fett]

Toe. She got your license plate number. It's scary. Everything you do is open to anyone who wants to know.

[Big D]

I just make sure when the religous psychos come to my door that my skull and flame tattoos are showing. That pretty much takes care of it.

And if it's a good day, I might even be lucky enough to have on one of my four Iron Maiden t-shirts. My "Killers" or "Number of the Beast" shirts can actually make small children cry - and brainwashed religous people have no chance against Eddie.

[TreeFitty]

I use one routine for any solicitors, since they are all unwelcome. After allowing them to start their little presentation and politely answering a question or two, I begin with few subtle facial ticks (sudden hard blinks and grimmaces, etc) and then fly right into the full-on Tourettes. There's no profanity, since that's a sure sign of being a fake. Instead, I string unrelated sounds and words together with the facial ticks every 10-15 seconds. It usually doesn't take more than a "whoop whooooooop, yaaaa MARMALADE" or two before they at least crack a smile. I ask what's wrong, they tell me I'm making funny faces and noises or something to that effect, I become extremely offended and explain that I don't do business with people who have no tolerance for other's afflictions and slam the door. They go away, it entertains me, and they have a story for their friends - everybody wins.

[toejam]

Toe. She got your license plate number. It's scary. Everything you do is open to anyone who wants to know.

Maybe. :ROTF:

Back in '99 when I moved into my townhouse, I went out early one Sat. morning with my puppy. There's an older black couple that live next door to me. Well, that morning there was a bunch of black people dressed up in suits and on their steps and lawn... I thought they were relatives of theirs until the one guy came up to me and asked me about my life. Oh no, I thought to myself, fuckin' Jehovahs! He introduced himself as Nate, but I said I had to go, put my puppy in the car and took off. Some months later, he and his wife came and knocked on my door, he remembered my name and tried preaching me his propagana again. I told them I was busy and couldn't be bothered. Another time, his wife showed up again by herself, I told her I couldn't be bothered again! I guess they finally got the point.

[m2pmd70]

Tazer?

[Rsmacker]

Maybe. :ROTF:

Back in '99 when I moved into my townhouse, I went out early one Sat. morning with my puppy. There's an older black couple that live next door to me. Well, that morning there was a bunch of black people dressed up in suits and on their steps and lawn... I thought they were relatives of theirs until the one guy came up to me and asked me about my life. Oh no, I thought to myself, fuckin' Jehovahs! He introduced himself as Nate, but I said I had to go, put my puppy in the car and took off. Some months later, he and his wife came and knocked on my door, he remembered my name and tried preaching me his propagana again. I told them I was busy and couldn't be bothered. Another time, his wife showed up again by herself, I told her I couldn't be bothered again! I guess they finally got the point.

That sounds like a mate of mine who has been brainwashed by Amway (Scamway, more like). Everyone avoids him now, because he cannot stop himself from trying to hook other people no matter how much they tell him they are not interested.

Example conversation:
The Brainwashed : Hello mate, how are you? Weather's a bit poor eh?
Me: "Hello, fine ta, yep, it's a bit cold and damp"
T B-W : "Weeeeell, just think, it's nice and warm in Bermuda, and you could be sitting in the tropical sunshine sipping a cool drink. Let me tell you about a fine business opportunity........etc etc"
Me : "Aaaaaaarghh!!!!"

[Newc]

I usually tell them I'm non-denominational because their perversions of the Word Of God are an abomination unto God, and all He has to do is give me the OK to purge the man-made doctrines out of this world and it shall be done in a day's time, and it will be messy.