my dilemma... need your guys' advice

[Thor Von Clemson]

Here is my current situation. The band I have been with for two years played our first show last saturday. Please refer to my "Organization is Key" thread.

The other guitarist and I were talking and we are really looking for something more serious. A band that could turn into something more. We know the other guys don't want to with our current band so we are thinking about starting something else. Him and I write very well together, push each other as guitarists, have a great combined tone, are great friends, and are bitter Guitar Hero II rivals... The music we write is some of the best music I have ever played. Its a cross between Living Sacrifice, Unearth, and a few others. Playing it makes me a much better guitar player.

Normally it would be a no-brainer but he, as of Monday, is going through a separation/possible divorce with his wife. He is pretty messed up right now and I offered him a place to stay if he needs it. He will most likely take me up on that offer. It could take a while before he is ready to focus on anything musically right now which is totally fine with me. What he is going through is obviously more important than anything we do.

Now here's the kink... There's another band who I am good friends with around here. The guys are a bit older than me (late 20's, early 30's) but are great musicians. They are talented, organized, and they have the drive and ambition to do something more than just play bars if they get the shot. They want me to play with them and I told them we could talk about it. I have 5 weeks to learn their tunes (which would not be that hard). The music they play is not as fast, driving, or techincally demanding as I am used to but it is very heavy and has a great groove to it... (they tune to B). I like playing it but I admit it does get a little boring. The appealing thing is they are very tight onstage and I think they have a lot of potential. Plus they are already quite established. They've played separately with some bigs bands like Yngwie (I know he is kind of a gomer but hey... opening for him would have been cool right). I can post a link to their myspace site if you guys wanna check em out.

The bad thing about playing with them is that sometimes it gets a little too serious. There is sometimes no middle ground between "take your music seriously but not so serious that you are not having fun and have fun but not too much that you are not taking your music seriously." I think the fact that I am 10 years younger than them and I can play their stuff is a little intimidating. Sometimes it causes egos to come out and ya.... you guys know how that is.

The appealing thing of writing music with my friend is that I love the music and we both want to do the same thing. The problem is that we would have to start completely over as far as members go. Once we got a good drummer, bassist, and singer we'd be fine but we all know how long that can take. It would not be a sure thing.

The final problem is that I feel like whoever I say no to, I will burn some sort of bridge. I know both parties should respect whatever decision I make but still...

Any advice?

[MikeStrat]

Life is too short to pass up opportunities. I would try the other band while your friend is going through his deal. You will know quickly if it's going to work for you or not. If it works out, good for you. If it turns out to be a waste of time, no big loss.

My .02

[Thor Von Clemson]

another thing I should add is that if I end up playing with this other band they think that I have to be 100% completely loyal to them. If I entertained the thought about jamming with my friend and writing stuff regardless of whether he is living with me or not, I bet they would get a little upset and see it as a conflict of interests.

[RattleHead]

Life is too short to pass up opportunities.

Life's also too short not to do what you actually want to do.

...just complicating things some more.

[jgcable]

Play with all the bands and stay with the one that makes it.

[MikeStrat]

another thing I should add is that if I end up playing with this other band they think that I have to be 100% completely loyal to them. If I entertained the thought about jamming with my friend and writing stuff regardless of whether he is living with me or not, I bet they would get a little upset and see it as a conflict of interests.

I see problems already. Unless these guys are promising fame and fortune, I would just see how it goes. It sounds too much like a marriage and you haven't even officially joined the band yet.

[VitaminG]

explain to the guys in the other band that you already have this project going with your co-guitarist & you intend to continue with it. It doesn't have to diminish your dedication to their band. Are they such a full time concern that you won't have time of your own to play with other people? If they have a problem with it, it's theirs to deal with.

[JACKSONFREAK]

What the other band doesnt know wont hurt them. Do both time permiting.
join the band but still work songs with your guitarist. Just dont tell the other band. mean while opertunities for a bass player and singer and drummer may arise out of contacts from this band. A band can be like a marriage but dont let that stop ya from doing what you really want. Music is differant than a real marriage. As long as there are no contracts stating you have to be 100% loyal do what ya want. Good luck and let us know what you decide.
Gil

[guitarsjb]

Life's also too short not to do what you actually want to do.

...just complicating things some more.

Yep. Do what you want. If you want to kill time with the older guys to see where it goes while your friend gets straightened out..go for it. See how it goes. If it doesnt' work out with your friend, you already have something. if he gets his life together..just politely bow out of the other one. You don't have to burn any bridges unless THEY choose to. I wouldn't want to be in your spot, but it could be worse. You could have NO ONE to jam with. You'll do the right thing

[toejam]

another thing I should add is that if I end up playing with this other band they think that I have to be 100% completely loyal to them. If I entertained the thought about jamming with my friend and writing stuff regardless of whether he is living with me or not, I bet they would get a little upset and see it as a conflict of interests.

James Hetfield/Jason Newsted, anyone?

[6_string_master]

James Hetfield/Jason Newsted, anyone?

+1. I liked the old Metallica when they weren't money hoarding losers. James Hetfield is such a tightwad and control freak.

[jackson1]

Do both. Don't let anyone put chains on you. If they really want you, they'll accept it.

And life it too short to NOT stick with your friend!

[VitaminG]

Do both. Don't let anyone put chains on you.

unless you're paying for it...

[RacerX]

So you're familiar with that, eh, Gary?

[charvelguy]

Your friend will likely come out of this writing more material and being inspired even moreso to play. I only use myself as a frame of reference, but that is pretty much how I dealt with hardship and how I channeled it.

As far as the other band inviting you to play..they're inviting you. That gives a little more leverage and solid ground than a guy just off the street. Experience and exposure with an act that is more serious are great things to have on your belt. A bad reputation is not, so weigh it with care.. which it seems you are.

Most bands are wanting a guy to commit to over a year or longer. Some guys land a gig, they are with it for a decade. Depends on the band tho..original acts seem to starve off and experience personal changes if they aren't up on the map often enough... depends on the bond and the situation.
Bands often don't want jobbers or someone who they will have to replace in a few months.

I also feel that unless they have a contract with an agent which you sign or are signed to as a member, you are also a free agent.

So, unless it is a non compete contract, I really don't see how they should feel able to dictate that you can't ever write songs or jam with your friend anymore.
If it is an at will situation, well then.. they are going to be guaging the chemistry as much as the fit, so you may have to watch what you say about your relationship with your friend and excercise some tact.

Good friendships are usually longer lasting than a business arrangement..but word of mouth in a business arrangement can have devastating effects if you ran into some people with a good deal of influence in the community and pissed them off. You don't want to get a flakely rep or blackballed. If they have an agent, or agency, keep a good relationship with them same as you would any employer.
(I've been in bands where turnover can be like a new guy every 6 months until the 'right' person is found) so, my long winded opinion...take the gig.
If at the end of 5 weeks it feels like a good fit, evaluate how you feel about a longer term (year+) type of thing and go for it.
At the end of a year, you can review how things are going, pay, time invested, direction, etc.. and weigh it out.

If the gig was to work out great, you can always weigh out where things are with your friend. Your friend can always find something else suited to him too.. if he's a truer type of friend, even if he's hurt, he'd still wish the best of success for you even if it didn't include him.

I've been in bands where I've suggested my friends as replacements if and when I decided to leave and its worked out very well.