Thinking about a divorce...

[GWARGHOUL]

Any good thoughts on it?

My wife is physically violent, mentally unstable, selfish, critical, two-faced, and has cheated on me with an ex...3 weeks after we got married, I went camping with my bro in law, and she got drunk and manic...

I thought I'de get through it, and over it... I love her, and I know she loves me...but I just don't think its working out. She isn't capable of a unconditional functional love.

I hate to hurt her, but I can't live walking on eggshells the rest of my life.

I hate to disapppint our families...
And I hate to get fincially fucked by not having a second income..

and I hate to have some lonely nights...

But ultimately, I don't think I can live like this anymore.

[St.James]

Sorry to hear that, dude, but I do believe the solution is obvious. Based on the first sentence, I'd pack my shit and be gone before she got home, file the papers and move on.

I think if you move on it and be done with it you'll not only lose an unhealthy relationship, but you'll probably gain a little self respect.

If my new wife fucked around on me 3 WEEKS after the wedding it would have been over right then.

Fucking around is the ultimate breach of trust, especially that soon in a marriage.

You gotta do what you gotta do for you, not the families and certainly not for her.

[blackenedwaters]

hey man

Hey man,
Usually I just lurk around but your post is hauntingly familiar to a situation that my brother just got out of. Eventually shit got so bad she went mental on him and got carted off to jail. Thats serious stuff man. Like the other dude said, do it for yourself.

[Reverend Timmy]

Life is too short to be that unhappy.Ultimately,you have to make the decision that you can't worry about what everyone else is gonna think.You deserve happiness and peace of mind.I know a little about this as I have been married 3 times and have pretty much seen it all as far as divorce goes.............

[wulfe13]

Any good thoughts on it?

My wife is physically violent, mentally unstable, selfish, critical, two-faced, and has cheated on me with an ex...3 weeks after we got married, I went camping with my bro in law, and she got drunk and manic...

I thought I'de get through it, and over it... I love her, and I know she loves me...but I just don't think its working out. She isn't capable of a unconditional functional love.

I hate to hurt her, but I can't live walking on eggshells the rest of my life.

I hate to disapppint our families...
And I hate to get fincially fucked by not having a second income..

and I hate to have some lonely nights...

But ultimately, I don't think I can live like this anymore.

Give me a call bro. I'm off till the 3rd. You still got my number?

[AdRock]

I kinda hate to say this, but, try to get some of this stuff on video tape without her knowing it. Get as much as you can of the most messed up shit she does. Hide the camera, have a friend video tape, whatever. i say this because once lawyers are involved shit get's put completely out of perspective. The lawyers clean up the Mrs. and she ends up contradicting everything you say making it your word against hers....If you walk in with a tape and say "Watch this, here's the problem" they really can't dispute the behavior because it's right their in front of their eyes and everyone elses. This is especially important becaue you said she's being physically violent.

[lerxstcat]

How long have you been married? The shorter the time the easier it is to make the split cleanly and relatively cheaply. Depending on state law the cheating 3 weeks in may or may not matter; in California, for example, it wouldn't matter if she cheated. Missouri I imagine might not be the case.

I'm sorry for your situation, it sucks. But people usually don't change, and if you "let" her cheat and stayed (from her POV) she will do it again - if she ever stopped. She might just be taking more pains to hide it so she doesn't have to hear about it from you.

I'm only saying this because you have to build your resolve. It's real easy to want to reconcile everytime you have sex. And not to belittle your situation, but we all know crazy chicks are great in the sack. The problem is, BECAUSE of that they tend to jump in the sack when they feel down, with whoever is available. So the girl who's awesome for a one-nighter is usually the last choice for a stable relationship. First time and every time she's horny, or depressed, or lonely, and you're not there to scratch the itch, some other guy is gonna get lucky.

I'm sure she's a sweet girl in her way, but you have to recognize her faults and limitations. She could get help, get on meds and control herself, then 10 years later go off the wagon. Now you have 10 years invested and it's back to square one.

Sorry to sound so bleak about it. You need to hear it though and I think that's why you posted here. I hope you get through this with the minimum of pain. I'm really sorry for her too, she's got a problem that'll cause her to end up alone. But you don't want that to be your problem for the next 40 years, man. It will kill you young from the stress, if not from her.

I would make arrangements to get out of the place y'all share before you even tell her, and get your gear and other valuables out first too. Don't let her know where you're living if you can help it, and get a restraining order from the gate. Have it served with the divorce papers. You know she's going to go off when you leave, so don't leave your guitars vulnerable to being smashed. Crazy chicks will do that shit.

[Thoraby]

I'm sorry she turned out that way, but get the hell out as fast as you can. From what I read of you in the forums you're a fucking cool guy, and deserve much better than she's treating you.

take care
/Thoraby

[Joe_Steeler]

She's done too much to you and you may never forgive and forget.
If she REALLY loves you she wouldn't be doing that to you and to her.

You would be surprised that out there there might be someone that is right for you, to love you and respect you.
We only live once and we have to make the best of it. Please, do not live your life not to dissapoint others, make yourself happy. You and yourself only are responsible for your well being. Nobody else, at the end and when it comes down to it, will truly and honestly make you happy.

[AzPilot]

do you have kids? I think that would be the deciding factor for me. If not, get out and chalk it up to exprience.

[Rsmacker]

Divorce her???? Why the fuck did you MARRY her??????
Well, love's a strange thing, it's not for me to judge, so I'd have to agree with the person who said get a bit of evidence of her unhinged antics, then do a bunk and file the papers from afar. Knowing how the courts (over here, anyway) seem to believe that the female is always the innocent aggrieved party, it might help you not get shafted financially.

The good thing is that you have acknowledged the problem, know the solution, and now only have to take that tiny step to freedom. Then you can put it all behind you. One day you'll laugh about it all, I'm sure.

Best of luck.

[Shawn Lutz]

I'm sorry bro, sad situation w/o question. Normally I'd say run...run away fast and hard but what keeps popping in my head is phrase "through sickness and health" it sounds like your wife has deep emotional issues that needs to be treated. Is she in therarpy or on medication?

As other have said I dont know how long you've been together or if there are any children involved. If its short and no kids then you have more out options. Marriage is tough and tougher when children involved. I'd be so fucked financially if I got a divorce (thought about it too) because my wife has been a stay at home mom since 94 and we have 2 kids. I can live with my income getting cut in 1/2 and losing 1/2 my shit but I couldnt live without seeing my children every day. I passed up several higher paying jobs that entailed substantial travel but I can't handle being away a couple weeks a month just for te love of money....family first

[shreddermon]

Fucking around is the ultimate breach of trust, especially that soon in a marriage.

+1. Doesn't necessarily mean every marriage is doomed after that kind of thing happens, but it's a pretty tough hurdle to come back from.

And here's another perspective to think about: I grew up in a household with that kind of stuff going on. Although my parents stuck together and I love them dearly, let me tell you firsthand that growing up in that kind of an environment can really f**k with a kid's head in a very hurtful kind of way. If you have kids - or even just want to have them someday - keep that in mind. They need the parents to have a healthy relationship, too. Even more so than the parents themselves.

Good luck.

[buzzsaww]

my first wife was screwing around on me about 3 to 4 weeks after we got married. when i confronted her about it i was told. "you only think that because you're doing it too." hung up the phone and immediately called a lawyer. see ya bitch!

[VinceV]

I have been married for 10 years and been with her for 13, and my advice to you is leave now. Why in the hell would you want to be in a situation like this, it makes absolutely no sense. It's not good for you , and if you have or will have children it will even be worst for them. Sometimes you just shouldn't settle. I have a friend who did this, and after a few months they are already having serious problems. Like you I know he puts up with lots of her crap because, he so wants to be a part of a family(his parents treated him like crap when we were young), the stability of an extra income, he likes living in a house more than an apt..


Do your self a huge favor, if you truely are unhappy, leave and get your life back. It will suck for awhile but you will be much happier.