Thinking about a divorce...

[jgcable]

You are a better man than me!!! I could never go to lunch and try to work things out with her. All I would keep thinking about is how fukked up she is and the fact that she probably had some dudes schwantz in her mouth and everywhere else. Sloppy seconds is sometimes ok when you are doing the single thing and just dating but I DRAW THE LINE with sloppy seconds with my own wife!!! Jeez bro. C'mon.

[straycat]

She WILL cheat again thats the sad part.

[quiksilver]

The way I see it, once a spouse cheats, the trust is broken forever. This is entirely separate from your love for her, how much you want her, etc., and her feelings for you. You won't trust her, and she won't trust you.

You might be able to forgive (I couldn't, but some people are saints), but you will NEVER forget, and neither will she. You won't trust her, and she won't trust you, thinking you will consider her betrayal license to do the same to her.

This would be WAY more difficult if you had kids, but you don't - YET. If you stay together, you probably will, and the trust will still be broken. And that is a nasty situation.

The only positive factor in your current situation is that you found this out NOW instead of later. Use that to your advantage to make the best of it and get out before it gets worse. Good luck.

[drockilles]

Well, as some of you know I'm going through the same shit right now. Gwar, all I can say is it sucks, and it's an adjustment, but one you should make if it'll be better for the both of you. The hardest part at first is just being alone. Sitting here in my apartment without someone I was used to spending everyday with is hard. I was very close with her family which I will miss, don't know if that's your case. Just don't let her screw you over. If you can just annul your marriage, go that route. If you think she might screw you over, get to a good lawyer, and get to a good lawyer before her. It's much better to be the plaintiff than the defendant in court. And when you meet with her try to do it out in public. Again, if she's trying to screw you over, and you meet in private, she could say you hit her or something and start a whole new load of problems. Yes, some collective advice I've gotten over the past month. Hope some of it helps.

[horns666]

Cheating...when the respect is gone..the relationship is OVER..all "love" aside.

Respect is what keeps a relationship together..respect is what kept my dick in my pants...respect is what made my 20 marriage happy..I love my pet..I love metal..I love lamp..and ect..

It's ALL about respect..and you don't have that at this time..love or not!

Bill Z

[lerxstcat]

The worst part is that NEXT time she cheats, she's gonna throw it in your face that YOU made it okay by tolerating it the first time. That's when YOU will probably get violent, and end up in jail while she cleans out the place, probably including your music gear. How will you feel knowing while you were fending off Bruno in the county jail she was pawning your guitars for cocaine money to party with the other man?

Jgcable gave you the perfect advice, man. Don't chase something that no longer exists. She will always be mentally ill, she can't really help that. But do you want to deal with this shit for the rest of your stress-shortened life? Because that's what you'll be doing. Get out now while it's simple. Get an annullment, and your own place. If you want to go on fucking her casually, fine. We all know crazy chicks are good fucks. But you can't build a life with one.

[scaristei]

Sorry to hear about the situation, but I have been in the same place, but with kids......it sounds like what is called Bi-polar disorder and it is truly f'ed up!

I have read all the above comments, and you have great advice, advice that would cost you hundreds of dollars and a year of theropy.....All I can say, which has already been more elequestlly said....Get the F out of dodge asap! The sooner you put this behind you and start moving forward, the better.
You can not help someone who does not what to be helped or does not think that there is anything wrong with them.....! Good luck.

[horns666]

All I can say is..

FUGGUMS..

[Norton]

If someone's cheating on me,she's dead for me.I would never want to see her again.It's the worst thing that a girl could do to me.


I get that you love her very much.But it won't be enough while the years go by.The situation will get bigger and bigger.People CAN'T change.Your pain will grow over your love.It's like doing your homework in holidays.You love the holiday part.But in the end you have to do your homework no matter what.You just have to face it before it's too late and it fucks up your financial condition.

Yes,you may miss her and regret in someway,after you divorce.But it's a much better option than your current one.Sometimes you just have to accept pain to prevent more of it.



Well,I wish you luck.I hope you'll get through this as best as you can.

[kelly user]

Steve, time for some tough talk bro.

I hope you aren't going to tell me that you didn't know that your wife was a " physically violent, mentally unstable, selfish, critical, two-faced" before you married her. My guess is you did. In that case... what the heck did you expect to happen????
She did exactly what she was supposed to do when a person exhibits traits like these.

#1. You shouldn't have married a basket case like that.
#2. Divorce her unless you are into that type of abuse. You could probably get it annulled (however you spell the word)
#3. If you aren't going to divorce her, at least lay a smack down on the dude who was banging her.
Here is what I would do. THIS IS PRETTY GRAPHIC.
#1. I would be nice to her and during the next sexual session I would go in through the out door HARD.
#2. A little ATM would be in order next.
#3. I would find the dude she was banging and kick his ass big.
#4. I would then divorce her BUT ONLY after I cleaned out the savings account, the checking account and I took everything that was worth anything in regards to property and personal belongings.
#5. I would also video tape the sex and post it online.

LOL dude that fucked up but hell, why the hell not, life's to short to be fukin around with skanks

[kmanick]

I would get this annulled ASAP.
the longer you wait the worse it will get for you (in every way)
I have a sense of what you're going thru, I was involved with
a gorgeous,(and I mean gorgeous) girl for about 2 years who was
seriously depressed. I thought I loved her and I hung in there for almost 2
years, but I ended up bailing, and let me tell you it was the best thing I've
ever done in my whole live. She was completely fucking up my head,
and ya I missed her (well I missed the amazing body and the all out porno
sex that she loved), but a friend of mine opened my eyes and I got out.
I couldn't fix her (mentally) and neither can you fix your wife, 3 months is
nothing anull the marriage get out, and chalk it up to a bad decision.

You'll look back at this a few years from now (like I do) and thank god (or whoever) that you escaped.
Now I'm married to a beautiful woman who loves and who........"respects"
me as I do her, we have an awesome daughter and a very healthy marriage.
when it's right it doesn't need to be a lot of "hard work" or "painful"
I feel for you but I agree with a lot of the others here.
get out and get out quick before it ends up costing you.

[Tetsuo]

Any good thoughts on it?

My wife is physically violent, mentally unstable, selfish, critical, two-faced, and has cheated on me with an ex...3 weeks after we got married, I went camping with my bro in law, and she got drunk and manic...

I thought I'de get through it, and over it... I love her, and I know she loves me...but I just don't think its working out. She isn't capable of a unconditional functional love.

I hate to hurt her, but I can't live walking on eggshells the rest of my life.

I hate to disapppint our families...
And I hate to get fincially fucked by not having a second income..

and I hate to have some lonely nights...

But ultimately, I don't think I can live like this anymore.

I haven't read the rest of the responses but I will say I got divorced a year ago after about 10 years of marriage. It destroyed me at the time. Now in retrospect it was a great thing for me. I don't regret it happening it was somewhat of a similar situation in the fact that there were eggshells manic cheater etc... Trust me you won't be that lonely you will be content. Ha I still work with my Ex though LOL. We get along great now that we aren't married (although we never fought really)

[Tetsuo]

I went out for a good binge drinking last night.


Got home around 10am this morning, so much for "talking" last night.

We went to lunch together and talked a bit.

She says she really stressed out, and wants things to work out.I think she needs to talk to her counselor about her irrational ways of handling stress.


So I'm kind of thinking I'm going to try one last time. Like I said, I REALLY love her, and I know she really loves me, she just doesn't express her love in healthy ways a lot of the time, partially because of her upbringing, partially because of her mental illness.

I dunno guys. But thanks for your input.
We'll see how I feel in a few days, and I may just go to a lawyer this week on one of my days off, if I don't get a good feeling soon.

It may happen friend but it is unlikely the leopard will change her spots. I say save yourselves both the grief that will ensue and get a divorce.

[ozzuk1]

It's easy enough for any one of us to judge and comment but honestly we don't know the entire situation.

I was in a situation last year where i had the opportunnity tosleep with someone whow as engaged, I booted her out before things got too far, I felt guilty enough just wanting too, but let's not go off topic...

It's fairly obvious you really care aout her, but the big question is if you can forgive her, quite a possibillity as you have not allready filled for a divorce, or an annulment, the cheap option....

Sold you be able enough and kind hearted enough to forgive will she do this again, is it worth your happness to be destroyed on the inside....

They say it is simply devine to forgive people who have wronged you....

Weather you can forgive that meory will always be there at te back of your mind making you paranoid when she's out who she's with etc....

Is it worth your mental well being for you to suffer this?

do what's best foryou but don't be nasty your better than that and don't need to resort to vengance...

Best of luck.... Owain

[sl2lover]

Its funny to hear everyone saying "fuck her!!" As if it is just that simple and easy!! I just got out(still getting out) of a 6 year relationship that I though was going well! Turns out she was fucking one of my friends behind my back for over a year and I didn't know it!! Everything was good as far as I knew!! Boy was in for a surprise when I found out!! 6 years of my life, the best 6 years in my life ended in one morning!! It's something I woulda never thought I woulda never I had to have gone though!! And let me tell you, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through!! And ya it's easy for all my friends to say ah fuck her! But in all reality until it happens to you, you can't honestly say I'm am completly done with the person I love the most for the rest of my life! Granted I've gotten over that slump! Thank God!! I am happy that I never married the cunt, or have ANY other ties with her other than she ended up owing me $200 which is nothing compared to the $1000 she lent me last Christmas for my amp!! On top of that I got a shitload of nasty pics/footage of her, that she can't stop bugging me about!! HA! But she gets what she deserves!! So then ya FUCK HER!! You can can do it dude!! It'll get better soon enough! I know it has for me!! And I feel so much better now too!! There are a lotta bitches, and nice women out there!! It helps to talk to others that have had similar things happen to them dude!! Good Luck Bro!!!!