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  • Talking Dog

    A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale."

    He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

    The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

    "You talk?" he asks.

    "Yep," the Lab replies.

    After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

    The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

    "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

    "I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

    "Ten dollars," the guy says.

    "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

    "Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."
    I want REAL change. I want dead bodies littering the capitol.

    - Newc

  • #2
    So did he buy the dog

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    • #3
      A guy walks into a talent agency with a dog, and approaches one of the scouts.

      Guy: Hey, I'm looking for representation for my talking dog, do you want to manage him?

      Scout: Your dog can really talk?

      Guy: Sure. I'll prove it to you. Hey boy! What's my name?

      Dog: Ralph! Ralph!

      Guy: Hey boy! What part of your mouth does peanut butter get stuck on?

      Dog: Roof! Roof!

      Guy: Hey boy! Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?

      Dog: Ruth! Ruth!

      Scout: Get the hell out of here and quit wasting my time.

      Later at home, the dog looks at the guy and says,
      "You think he was a Dimaggio fan?"
      Until you get weaned off the boobie, you are going to have to do what the wife wants too. -Rsmacker

      Comment


      • #4
        The New Penis Tax!





        Don't Forget to Pay all of Your Taxes!

        April 15 is tax day in the US, so please read the following to make certain that you have paid all of your taxes for either yourself or your husband or boyfriend.

        The only thing any Government has not taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that:



        40 % of the time it is
        hanging around unemployed


        20 % of the time it is pissed off,


        30 % of the time it is hard up


        10 % of the time it is in the hole.

        On top of this it has two dependents and both of them are nuts!

        According to the income tax ammendment act 2001, your penis will be taxed according to its size.

        To determine your category, please refer to Schedule 2 of the Income Tax return Form 8 which states the following:



        10 to 12 inches ------ Luxury tax -------- $ 50.00


        8 to 10 inches ------- Pole tax ------------ $ 45.00


        5 to 8 inches -------- Privilege Tax ------ $ 40.00


        3 to 5 inches -------- Standard Tax ------ $ 30.00

        Anyone under 3 inches is entitled to a refund of 20 % and special relief as a handicapped person. Please do not ask for an extension.

        Those who exceed 12 inches will be liable for Capital Gains Tax.

        If you have any queries, please contact the nearest Income Tax office. Our staff will be only too willing to handle your problem.
        ...that taste like tart, lemon yogart

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