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1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
flight attendant stops them and says, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per
passenger."
2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental
purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.
3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One took off to
Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never
amounted to much--and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.
4. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which
sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.
5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the
bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and refused
to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the
lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess
tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and
asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
foyer.
8. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an
Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a Spanish family
and is named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of
himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins for Pete sake!! If
you've seen Juan, you've see Ahmal!!"
9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry
payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their
business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was
suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he asked
the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused. The florist
went to them and begged that they shut down. Again they refused. So the
florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town. He went
to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers, trashed their
shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be back. Well, totally
terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms. This proved
that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad
breath. This made him ....what? (This is so bad it's good...)-a
super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally ... there was a man who sent 10 puns to some friends in hopes at
least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately no pun in ten
did!!!
flight attendant stops them and says, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per
passenger."
2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental
purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world.
3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One took off to
Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never
amounted to much--and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.
4. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which
sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.
5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the
bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and refused
to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the
lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess
tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and
asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
foyer.
8. A women has twins, gives them up for adoption. One goes to an
Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal" The other is sent to a Spanish family
and is named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of
himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins for Pete sake!! If
you've seen Juan, you've see Ahmal!!"
9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry
payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their
business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was
suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he asked
the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused. The florist
went to them and begged that they shut down. Again they refused. So the
florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town. He went
to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers, trashed their
shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be back. Well, totally
terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms. This proved
that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad
breath. This made him ....what? (This is so bad it's good...)-a
super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally ... there was a man who sent 10 puns to some friends in hopes at
least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately no pun in ten
did!!!
some good ones there
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