RIP Brad Delp...

[fett]

Never ever blame yourself for someone's action. If someone commits suicide it is their response to something they can't handle. Whatever demons that drives a person to that point is beyond our ability to understand. Nobody did anything wrong. It is what he or she perceived as a hopeless situation and did what they did to themselves. It's not what you did and it's not what you should have done. Could someone have prevented it? Maybe, if there were signs. But to feel guilty in any way shape or form is just pointless. The individual is the be all and end all when it comes right down to it. I'm not trying to be an asshole about this, but a person that really wants to die will. Go on with life and remember the good things and forget blame.

[~K~]

Never ever blame yourself for someone's action. If someone commits suicide it is their response to something they can't handle. Whatever demons that drives a person to that point is beyond our ability to understand. Nobody did anything wrong. It is what he or she perceived as a hopeless situation and did what they did to themselves. It's not what you did and it's not what you should have done. Could someone have prevented it? Maybe, if there were signs. But to feel guilty in any way shape or form is just pointless. The individual is the be all and end all when it comes right down to it. I'm not trying to be an asshole about this, but a person that really wants to die will. Go on with life and remember the good things and forget blame.

Thanks Fett .. My instance of being on the fence had nothing to do with my dads. I had been trying to or not deal with a personal issue my whole life that i could not understand and i knew others wouldn't either. It built up until I couldn't take it anymore and someone talked me into reality ..

I understand how people get pissed at the whole suicide issue and I guess I don't blame them. If you haven't been to that point though then it is tough to understand why it ends up feeling like the best option.

[Ralph E.]

Well I can only speak to my own experience, but being in a very dark place right now where every day is the worst i've ever had, my perception/experience is that no one listens to what I really have to say.

When my parents or friends ask "how are you doing today" and I say "well, i'm breathing" they change the subject. They want to hear the typical answer like "good", "great", etc.

So from my point of view their the ones being selfish right now. It takes too much effort to care/listen/talk about hard topics. Things are going well enough for them and they don't want to be bothered with my issues.

Those here who are so quick to attack the person who commits suicide should IMO look in the mirror.

Again, this is my point of view, i'm not here to argue with anyone who had different experiences.

[AlexL]

Well I can only speak to my own experience, but being in a very dark place right now where every day is the worst i've ever had, my perception/experience is that no one listens to what I really have to say.

When my parents or friends ask "how are you doing today" and I say "well, i'm breathing" they change the subject. They want to hear the typical answer like "good", "great", etc.

Well, Ralph, I hope things turn around for you, and that you are able to find someone or something positive to help you through this tough time.

Don't rule out seeing a therapist; one of my dearest friends has been very depressed for the last few years and I coaxed her into seeing a therapist. Many insurance plans will completely cover the cost as well, with no deductable payment required.

I have been through therapy on two occasions since I was a kid, and it works wonders. I don't think it has the stigma that once once attached to it, either.

Just my .02. I guess I don't know you very well, but I wanted to let you know what has worked for me and others close to me.


- Eric

[Top Jimmy B]

Great points, Ralph.

It's too bad that Delp was such a solitary individual that he couldn't share his pains with his loved ones; it's also a shame to think that those same people missed the warning sings or, as Ralph suggested, turned their ears at some things that could have been indicators of how much pain this man was in.

As a fan of his incredible voice, this is sad. As a man with a family, this is tragic to me. RIP.

[AlexL]

Thanks Fett .. My instance of being on the fence had nothing to do with my dads. I had been trying to or not deal with a personal issue my whole life that i could not understand and i knew others wouldn't either. It built up until I couldn't take it anymore and someone talked me into reality ..

Good that things worked out for you; at least it sounds like you have gotten past the issue that was causing you so much grief.

I am glad you had someone who could work through your problem with you. I like having you around, my friend!

Ditto my comments to Ralph in the previous thread: if it gets that bad again, I am a firm believer in the power of a good therapist. Part of my experiences that were so valuable was realizing that you aren't the only person out there with a given problem. That alone is a great help.


- E.

[~K~]

Good that things worked out for you; at least it sounds like you have gotten past the issue that was causing you so much grief.

I am glad you had someone who could work through your problem with you. I like having you around, my friend!

Thanks Eric,

I'm still working through it one step and one day at a time. I just see how the whole suicide thing is viewed and it bothers me because it is easy to judge but it isn't easy to notice the signs and extend a hand sometimes.

[Ralph E.]

I am so disgusted with people. My in-laws just got done staying with my wife and I for 1 year, yes, 1 FULL YEAR while they were building their 900k, 5400 square foot house.

While they were here we were privy to such classic quotes as:

- The house is just not that big, I don't understand why people think it's so big, there isn't that much space in it. (keep in mind there's just the 2 of them)

- We're making so much money on interest each month because we're staying with you guys. (They had their 900k in a money market making around 5% for the year they were with us).

Meanwhile, my wife at 36 has a high blood pressure problem, I can't find work for the last 3 years because I don't have the right fucking "buzzwords" on my resume (or so i'm told. Fuck me for working/owning a small business all my life). I've lost almost all my guitar collection (but what does that matter since I don't care to pick one up anyway anymore). We want kids but can't afford them and are on the verge of losing our house.

Do you think they gave us a fuckin' dime as thanks when they left last month? Maybe said, here's 3k, go on a vacation and unwind after having us in your hair for a year, or can we pay a few months mortgage for you (since we made so much money in interest staying with you)?

Nope.


Arrrgggghhhh

[fett]

I'm not sure this will help, but I was drawn up to Seattle by my stepson and particularly his wife. Life was going to be grand. I was going to be the Grandpa and live with them. I did for about a year and a half. I helped them with the downpayment on a bigger home. There were big plans. It all fell apart. It was a little me and a lot them. I was told to move out. Thus, the trailer. I had two choices. 1. Tell them to fuck off. 2. Pretend the whole Turkfuk time didn't happen. I chose #2. We get along fine now that I live a mile away. I guess my point is that family ain't what it was like years ago. You helped them and they screwed you. Save yourself a lot of heartache and go with #2. I still am pissed off about that whole deal but I will not let it consume me. These people are not bad. The situation was. The situation is gone and now it's just a matter of dealing with the people. Does that make sense?

[Cleveland Metal]

I am so disgusted with people. My in-laws just got done staying with my wife and I for 1 year, yes, 1 FULL YEAR while they were building their 900k, 5400 square foot house.

While they were here we were privy to such classic quotes as:

- The house is just not that big, I don't understand why people think it's so big, there isn't that much space in it. (keep in mind there's just the 2 of them)

- We're making so much money on interest each month because we're staying with you guys. (They had their 900k in a money market making around 5% for the year they were with us).

Meanwhile, my wife at 36 has a high blood pressure problem, I can't find work for the last 3 years because I don't have the right fucking "buzzwords" on my resume (or so i'm told. Fuck me for working/owning a small business all my life). I've lost almost all my guitar collection (but what does that matter since I don't care to pick one up anyway anymore). We want kids but can't afford them and are on the verge of losing our house.

Do you think they gave us a fuckin' dime as thanks when they left last month? Maybe said, here's 3k, go on a vacation and unwind after having us in your hair for a year, or can we pay a few months mortgage for you (since we made so much money in interest staying with you)?

Nope.


Arrrgggghhhh

Hey, it could always be worse... You could be me... Haha...

I won't bore you with the sordid details. But, I assure ya, it could be worse...

[Distracter]

Boston is one of my favorites.
Garbon monoxide poisoning is one of the most painless ways to die.

[Top Jimmy B]

I found this on youtube, it was the show my father and I attended in '88. Listen to the note he just nails at 4:24!! This is the way I want to remember him. RIP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y_c9rBpLBo

[wakeUPdead]

Peace of Mind was one of the first songs I ever learned to play. RIP.

[jackson1]

I found this on youtube, it was the show my father and I attended in '88. Listen to the note he just nails at 4:24!! This is the way I want to remember him. RIP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y_c9rBpLBo

What pointy gitfiddles do they play?
What's that on Toms left leg?
Thanks for the link!

[~K~]

What pointy gitfiddles do they play?

Back on the third stage tour both Gary and Brad played black Jackson Soloists with no inlays ... Gary was endorsed

IIRC that was a brace on Toms leg from a basketball injury