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  • Serious help needed.

    Sorry guys, but this is gonna be a long one.

    Here's the deal. My wife was a nurse. We used to have 2 incomes. I have a pretty good job, and make decent money. She worked casual-part time, and depending on how many hours she got a week, could have potentially made more than I did.

    Just over a year ago, her and her best friend bought a building, and opened a new & used maternity clothing store. Her friend's mother holds the mortgage for them, and they rent out two apartments that are in the building. The apartments cover the mortgage, and all bills. The store itself makes no money at all. It was looking good at first, but sales have dropped, and my wife no longer contributes anything to our household income.

    Unfortunately, before she started the store, we made some purchases (furniture, a car) with our dual income in mind. Now we are in financial trouble. My paycheck just barely covers our house mortgage, utilities, and groceries. Her income was supposed to cover car payment, and anything else. I made the huge mistake of having all of this under my name, and now that bills are piling up, I am getting 3-5 calls a day from bill collectors, at work no less.

    I have asked her to forget about the store, and go back to work. She claims she is in the process of getting her registration, etc, so that she can go back to work. She has been saying this for 6 months. Nothing has been done. I am super stressed out all day, every day about this. I am angry all the time, and miserable. On top of all this, I found out the other day, that she has almost $10k in credit card debt that she has been hiding from me.

    I was supposed to be getting laser eye surgery last week, with my yearly bonus from work. I had to use most of the money to pay bills that had been piling up, so I had to cancel my surgery.

    None of this seems to bother her at all. She goes about her life as if everything is peachy. She goes to work at the store everyday, where she pretty much does nothing, but sit around, and talk on the phone, play on the internet, whatever.

    I love my wife, but the only way I can think of getting out of this hole, is to get a divorce, and get away from her. I am pretty sure that I can catch up financially on my own. For a start, I can rent out a couple of rooms to college students. That will pretty much set me right.

    What do you guys think?
    Sleep!!, That's where I'm a viking!!

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  • #2
    Maybe you guys should just seperate for a short while. Maybe then you can both get your priorities traight and get back together later on down the road.
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    • #3
      Ya know, guys reading this short window of what's going on, will probably give you some less than good advice.

      But myself, I don't like the sound of all that, and this doesn't look good to me. You guys definitely need to get some serious communication happening and soon... Either way, you have some serious decisions to make soon.


      Good luck bro, this stuff is pretty fucked up.

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      • #4
        Wow, that just sounds freaking crazy. Time to lay down the ultimatum, get a job or get out.
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        • #5
          Definitly set an ultimatum. A divorce should only be the most extreme outcome.

          You can try and ask/file for a renegotiation of your matrimonial property agreements and get that totally divided. Though you may be slapped with a matrimonial support/aid claim by your spouse.

          At least that's how I envision it, with my (very) limited knowledge of common and US law.
          You took too much, man. Too much. Too much.

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          • #6
            Do you have any kids? I was in a very similiar situation with my wife. It was jeopordizing our home and cars because of how far behind we were getting. I broke down and told my wife that my priority was to provide a home for my daughter no matter what it took and that I accepted nothing less from her. I didn't threaten divorce but I told her if things didn't change in three months that I had no idea where we would be as a family. She got the message, straightened up and things are good now. I would lay it out for her and see how she reacts both to your statements and then to the situation. If she doesn't seem to care or makes no move to better the situation then you will have to what is right for you.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Cleveland Metal View Post
              Ya know, guys reading this short window of what's going on, will probably give you some less than good advice.

              But myself, I don't like the sound of all that, and this doesn't look good to me. You guys definitely need to get some serious communication happening and soon... Either way, you have some serious decisions to make soon.
              +1. She appears to not be understanding the severity of the situation. Over and over again, I see married couples that are "in our circle" at each other's throats. The reason? Money. I'm 15+ years into my marriage, and don't thing WE haven't had this conversation, ESPECIALLY when she quit her job to stay home with our 3 kids!

              She probably needs to hear this from a disinterested 3rd party/counselor as she doesn't seem to believe this is really having an effect on you. Don't throw in the towel...yet. Talk it out with someone that will see both sides of the situation, she might also have her reasons for acting this way...
              Crime doesn't pay. Neither does lutherie...

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              • #8
                Originally posted by missionguitars1 View Post
                +1. She appears to not be understanding the severity of the situation. Over and over again, I see married couples that are "in our circle" at each other's throats. The reason? Money. I'm 15+ years into my marriage, and don't thing WE haven't had this conversation, ESPECIALLY when she quit her job to stay home with our 3 kids!

                She probably needs to hear this from a disinterested 3rd party/counselor as she doesn't seem to believe this is really having an effect on you. Don't throw in the towel...yet. Talk it out with someone that will see both sides of the situation, she might also have her reasons for acting this way...
                +1 A third party will definitely enable things to get out in the open. Solutions start with good communication.
                Scott

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                • #9
                  I have no experience about the subject so I can't give any advice but I wish you the best luck with it

                  And btw to me it didn't sound too late to make things straight
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                  • #10
                    Does she have life insurance?
                    Fwopping, you know you want to!

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                    • #11
                      Remember, he lives in Canada. The third party help is right on. As to how it works up there if it comes to a divorce, the best advice is to see if you can get some legal aid. Make sure you know all the ramifications of any actions you take.
                      I am a true ass set to this board.

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                      • #12
                        Sorry to hear that bro. Possibly she is too scared to face what the financial future may hold, hence the "everything is peachy" thing.

                        Best of luck to you.
                        I feel festive all year round. Deal with it.

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                        • #13
                          I've been there before, and divorce was the best thing that happened to me. I can't believe you married my ex-wife.:ROTF:
                          I feel my soul go cold... only the dead are smiling.

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                          • #14
                            You may be able to work within the present framework if you take a little more control and get it figured out to where it is able to contribute in attacking your mutual dept problem.

                            Sounds she needs to take the responsibility for the personal dept shes contributing to your mutual situation
                            This can effect you as jointly as a DWI or bad driving record in a household or marriage. Those may lead to the divorce but thats a pretty drastic option. If you're holding this dept jointly, even divorced its going to effect you.
                            Then you have legal costs and child support and separate child care..etc.

                            Since its maternity wear, has she considered selling this stuff online on eBay as well? Do you have a website to promote it and increase business?
                            Maybe consider as an option that she could scour discount clothing and sell that on ebay while also promoting her business store name.

                            One option short of declaring bankruptcy could be dept counseling for her if she has the cc in her name. They allow you to take steps for dept management, can arrange for all interest to be absolved and you can setup a payment plan on the depts you choose for them to manage at a payment level that can achieved by your current means of income.

                            It sounds like one person needs to take over the control of the financial responsibility if you intend to keep it joint. 10k+ of CC dept is pushing the limit of what one person income can handle with other major bills. You probably need to sit down by yourselves or agree on a manageable budget and stick to it!. How you approach that conversation can have a good deal of measure as to how successful you're as well. Yelling,..not an option. Granted, she could at least get a PT job working 20 hours a week that could make some contribution.
                            Eliminating the current bloat of expense thats pushing you over like the new car and buying a reliable used one are of the steps you could possibly take

                            Otherwise, seeking financial advice from an adviser and figure what the best course of action is needed to get a budget and handle outlined on your current situation w/o it being equally damaging and of detriment to both your financial reputations.

                            Inquire to that financial column online or in your local paper or get some free advice from someone more qualified to take a close personal assessment of your situation could be the first step in getting a pro outside 3rd view to cast a real educated light on your situation and immediate recourse which both would respect to honor.
                            Last edited by charvelguy; 06-07-2007, 08:48 AM.

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                            • #15
                              Sounds like she is a very financially irresponsible person. She possibly just doesn't understand the first thing about handling money at all. But that doesn't necessarily mean you should divorce her, though.

                              One thing is certain, though. Wifey needs to contibute to getting your (joint) financial mess in order. Meaning: stop spending all of the dough that we don't have, and get a job honey. 3rd party counseling might help her understand that.

                              Marriage counseling might also be in order beyond that, though. Good luck, dude.

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