Serious help needed.

[charvelguy]

I and some of my closest friends have all gone through something very similar to this. Myself, was involved with a woman 20 some years ago who took out about 100k on a hairsalon. Her Mother was dating a multimillionaire, considerably her senior. So they jointly approached him about a business opportunity and incorporated the three of them in the venture (mortage, etc.)

Unfortunately, the stats for new business owners are not very good. Something like 85% will go bankrupt within the first year. She took over a business that had been operational in the black. however, one thing she did not count on was the disgruntled employees not taking to the new management or changes that were going to effect the biz.
The customer base was loyal to the stylists. Stylists leave, customers and business goes bye bye. Profit goes into red. She also had bought a new car and stopped contributing to the joint income. Since I was deemed the 'breadwinner' I was in very similar shoes as you seem to be now. She went bankrupt, her and I went separate ways.

Get control on this. If you approach it well enough and make her realize some changes and guidelines have to get laid down it can probably work about. Really, even a pt job will help but affirmative action and goals are the key. Talk is cheap and ineffective if it doesn't address the things causing stress.

[Inazone]

To a point, I'm in the same situation. My wife and a friend of hers started a business going on two years ago. I just call it "chick stuff" as it's mostly cosmetic products. I wasn't consulted on any of it, yet I quickly found myself playing the part of silent partner aka an investor with no say in it. Since I handle most of the actual bill-paying in our household, I saw some business expenses piling up that simply could not be covered without cutting into our ability to pay living expenses. The start-up costs for the first year were thousands of dollars due to the materials necessary for such a business, as the only sensible way to buy them was in bulk. Unfortunately, when each item only sells for a few dollars, it takes forever to see a return on that investment.

A year later, my wife is happy that they are able to start making their money back, but I had to remind her that none of it is profit - it's just paying off debt. Now, she works a full-time job that pays enough to more than offset the business expenses, so I can't say that she doesn't do her part in terms of our finances, but I did have to put my foot down. She wants a house (we're in a 1BR apartment) and has been mentioning a new car (she drives a 2002 Prism) that I told her are simply never going to "magically appear" as long as that business is acting as a money pit. So far, that seems to have been convincing enough to prevent her from sinking more money into the business - at least until all the debts have been recouped - but I suspect we'll be having the same conversation before winter. She already wanted to change her work hours and switch to part-time so she could focus on the side business, which I said would not fly. I concur with Charvelguy on the eBay/online store suggestion; in my wife's case, eBay sales have infused enough revenue that they are at least able to make more than minimum payments on the business CCs.

If you are already getting the collections calls, I guess I can't think of any easy remedies that you wouldn't have already tried. Legal aid is a must at this point, although I wouldn't start with a discussion about divorce or even separation. See if there's anything you can do to get your name taken off of any of the items or accounts that your wife is supposed to be responsible for. Is her friend (or her friend's mother) in any position to "buy out" your wife's share of the business, or is it such a sinking ship that there are no assets?

Best of luck with everything. If your wife realizes that the business can't be salvaged, and that it's harming your marriage and well-being, then the "least worst" outcome is that this all ends up being an expensive education in business ownership.

[Newc]

Since everything's in your name, you'll get stuck with the bills AND alimony if you divorce.

However, if she refuses counseling on the matter, you may be able to file for divorce and not have to pay her anything in light of the financial destruction she's caused AND the refusal to seek professional help.

[skorb]

in my experience women are very irresponsible with money and finances.

hiding debt from a spouse I think is unforgivable. that is bald-faced lying and that would be the end of any relationship I was in.

as for your solution, what do you think Tom Leykis would say?

[Nuclear Vampire]

Since this is in your name, can you sell off your share of the store to the other partners? Keep in on the apartments for the income, but bail on the store quick.

She needs a serious reality check. Does she understand how she (yes she did it) fucked you over on your eye surgery? See a financial advisor TOGETHER. If she doesn't "get it", maybe an outside person will help her realize.

Good luck man, it's a shitty situation to be in.

[vertigo08]

I was supposed to be getting laser eye surgery last week, with my yearly bonus from work. I had to use most of the money to pay bills that had been piling up, so I had to cancel my surgery.

That makes ME angry If that happened to me... id be pissed!

[El_Kabong]

Go to your bank and do a debt consolidation. Have her credit card chopped up. Make sure yoiu can do balloon payments on the loan when things get back onto an even keel. Good luck to you both.

[zeegler]

That makes ME angry If that happened to me... id be pissed!

Trust me I AM pissed.

I'm gonna talk to her tonight about all of this. I'm going to tell her to see about getting everything consolidated, cut up the credit cards, get back to work, and she has until the end of the month.

Thanks for the input guys!!

[Bengal]

Do you love her? That's the main question, I think...

After that, I would get professional help. No offense, but opinions on here are like... Well... You know what they are like. Get some professional help, not just advice on a forum...

[zeegler]

Do you love her? That's the main question, I think...

After that, I would get professional help. No offense, but opinions on here are like... Well... You know what they are like. Get some professional help, not just advice on a forum...

I know what you're saying, but sometimes, it's good to run something by you guys, because if there's something I haven't thought of, guaranteed someone here will.

[Bengal]

That's all good but when talking about a situation as serious as this, a forum is a poor substitute for professional counseling/debt management...

If the love is there, this can be overcome...

[Cleveland Metal]

That's all good but when talking about a situation as serious as this, a forum is a poor substitute for professional counseling/debt management...

Ummm yeah.. I think he's very aware... We sorta covered that already anyways. We certainly can't help him make a decision based on a small glimpse, there's always more to the story.

But, sometimes, it's good to see your problems in print, "and" get some feedback and SUPPORT from your friends...

[hippietim]

Before you cut up the credit cards you should get a guitar.

[Yerbouti69]

Sorry to hear of your difficulties. After being married for 21 years and having similar (but not as bad) financial problems, I would strongly suggest getting Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover" book. We paid off $30K in debt in just over a year by following his plan. We are much happier and a lot less stressed out now.
If you want to stay married, that is the way to go. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and both of you will have to buy into the plan for it to work. Divorce is an option, but it certainly won't fix your financial problems. Good luck.

[zeegler]

Ummm yeah.. I think he's very aware... We sorta covered that already anyways. We certainly can't help him make a decision based on a small glimpse, there's always more to the story.

But, sometimes, it's good to see your problems in print, "and" get some feedback and SUPPORT from your friends...

Thanks John.