Serious "Thiftstore Babe" Input needed

[Spivonious]

Everyone needs love. If the mother realizes that, she will make room for you in her life and her heart. That means that in the beginning you can effectively just see her without her daughter being in the picture (i.o.w. the mother comes over to your place). This will only work if she realizes she needs love and someone to fall back on as well, you'll be her lover and confidant.

One you've established as firm a relationship as you can in that format, THEN it's time to perhaps start figuring the daughter in the relationship. If the mother loves you enough, she will allow you to help rectify the situation with her daughter, assuming that is what YOU want, Fett.

At that point you'll have to lay down the law and perhaps even forcefully get the daughter off the drugs. Just empty out her room, just a matrass and a blanket and shut the fucking DOOR! You go in there 3 times a day and serve her dinner. When she really starts freaking out, do NOT go in there, let her get through it. (Of course, sometimes you can enter the room, or let the mother enter the room to be a strong shoulder for the daughter). You'll have to make sure the mother is in a strict regimen too, she can NOT help her daughter break out, she can NOT help her daughter get any drugs.

If you succeed in that, she'll be off the stuff cold turkey in no time. It's COLD TURKEY or nothing.

+1000

I hear from my rehab doctor dad that the first week is incredibly horrible, but after that the body is no longer addicted. After that, just stay away from your druggie friends and you'll have no problems staying clean.

[dg]

It'd be great if it was that easy, but it's not. I don't want to derail this thread, but in my experience with addicts (especially crack or meth), avoiding a relapse has been the hard part. I've hired about 6 guys referred to me by a local church. All of them were good guys at heart who really wanted to turn their lives around. All of them did rehab. All of them relapsed at least once, and 3 of them are locked up now, 2 for a long time. One of them is doing well, but he'll tell you it's a day-to-day struggle, and he has to fight to avoid certain people and keep himself busy doing the right thing to stay clean. The saddest part was that the guys who really fucked up were the ones with wives & kids. Crack & meth are motherfuckers that ruin the lives of more than just the addict.

Be very careful, Fett! You deserve to be happy, and I want you to be able to help this lady, but you have to keep your eyes wide open.

[SEEGERMANY]

I already responded, but I'm going to emphasize one more time that you need a partner, not a damned project. At our age, we should be trying to simplify our lives, not make our existence more complicated.

[fett]

We always refer to a person having "Baggage" when talking about starting a relationship. Here's the visual that popped into my mind. Each one of those stickers is a place that a person has been. I can assure you I don't have a clean suitcase either. But, how many "Stickers" are too many?

[dg]

Fett, is there any way to compartmentalize the two parts of the situation? Would you want to help her out if there was no romantic interest? If she's in really dire straits, this might not be romance time, but it still might be right to give her a hand. My wife brought this up & it made sense to me.

[fett]

I am. I'm delivering "Care Packages" (read cheap meat ). There is the side of me that wants to help people in need. For example; A few years ago, there was a guy ringing the SA bell outside a Safeway. We got to talking and I realized I had a very nice pair of boots that would fit him. He got the boots. In this situation, I really really like this woman. Regardless of what happens, I will do what I can to help her out. Savoy Brown had an LP titled "A Step Further". It's that "Step" that has me in this quandary .

[lerxstcat]

If she has a druggie daughter, you need to make sure she never learns that you have a trailer full of guitars. The daughter and/or her druggie friends might be capable of knocking you off just to run to the pawnshop with your collection. Worse, they'll come back and kick your corpse when they find out they're all $20 guitars to the pawnshop man!:ROTF:

Just trying to put a light note on a serious situation there, but you seriously need to let your lady know that, while you might sympathize with her daughter and her plight, that love and trust are two different things. You have to protect yourself from people who can't control their own actions. You have the right to demand that and your lady friend needs to learn that with regard to her daughter too.

It sounds like she's a sweet lady, and her daughter probably will be if and when she ever kicks drugs. But you have to deal with the situation as it actually is. Realize that your girl, through her weakness for her daughter, could expose you to some flak. That doesn't mean don't reach out, but realize that this could be a factor you'll be dealing with.

[fett]

Yeah, I know. I lived the good life raising my son. He's 24. All his friends were very cool and I never had to worry. I lived in a "Bubble". This situation is something I have never had to deal with. Look on the positive side of this. If I take on the "Babe", I won't have the time to be all over this board.

[jk2171]

I think, the fact that you're asking us means you really want this Fett. Maybe you are hesitant because you still feel you should be mourning your wife.

Fett, from one widower to another, there will always be a huge part of your heart that is there for your 'love', your first wife. Nothing, and no one will ever take that away. And there is no time limit that is 'standard' for moving on with another relationship. It's different for everyone walking that journey. Don't feel guilty for feeling love for another woman. And the one to truly keep will be understanding that a part of your heart will always be dedicated to your wife and her memory.

Good luck!

[fett]

This is what is really killing me. She was a widow at 39. I was a widower at 38. We have so much in common and a lot that is not. She's 49 and I am 57. My life has been very easy and her's has not. We clicked right away. And then there is the daughter. This whole deal is really messing with my mind. I love you guys. You are really helping me.

[Cleveland Metal]

+1000

I hear from my rehab doctor dad that the first week is incredibly horrible, but after that the body is no longer addicted. After that, just stay away from your druggie friends and you'll have no problems staying clean.

Well. that dude needs a reality check.

It'd be great if it was that easy, but it's not. I don't want to derail this thread, but in my experience with addicts (especially crack or meth), avoiding a relapse has been the hard part. I've hired about 6 guys referred to me by a local church. All of them were good guys at heart who really wanted to turn their lives around. All of them did rehab. All of them relapsed at least once, and 3 of them are locked up now, 2 for a long time. One of them is doing well, but he'll tell you it's a day-to-day struggle, and he has to fight to avoid certain people and keep himself busy doing the right thing to stay clean. The saddest part was that the guys who really fucked up were the ones with wives & kids. Crack & meth are motherfuckers that ruin the lives of more than just the addict.

Be very careful, Fett! You deserve to be happy, and I want you to be able to help this lady, but you have to keep your eyes wide open.

This more like the reality.

If she has a druggie daughter, you need to make sure she never learns that you have a trailer full of guitars. The daughter and/or her druggie friends might be capable of knocking you off just to run to the pawnshop with your collection. Worse, they'll come back and kick your corpse when they find out they're all $20 guitars to the pawnshop man!:ROTF:

Just trying to put a light note on a serious situation there, but you seriously need to let your lady know that, while you might sympathize with her daughter and her plight, that love and trust are two different things. You have to protect yourself from people who can't control their own actions. You have the right to demand that and your lady friend needs to learn that with regard to her daughter too.

It sounds like she's a sweet lady, and her daughter probably will be if and when she ever kicks drugs. But you have to deal with the situation as it actually is. Realize that your girl, through her weakness for her daughter, could expose you to some flak. That doesn't mean don't reach out, but realize that this could be a factor you'll be dealing with.

And Lerx, that is gospel like...

[fett]

I've told this story before. I rented a room out to what appeared to a clean woman. Then she told me she spent 2 1/2 years in prison on a meth bust because she wouldn't rat on her "Friends". She lasted 6 months before she fell right back into it. She was cooking in her, my house, bedroom. She, at least, had enough class to leave when she could no longer pay the rent. That doctor has his head up his ass.

[horns666]

Great advice guys ..but.

Forget ALL this stuff..just go with a Pizza..

When did Fett get married? I don't see a ring on his finger..just a little pizza sauce.

he can wipe that right off with a paper towel..

that's it.

[fett]

Not recently.:ROTF: :ROTF: :ROTF: Kids, if this weren't me, I would advise , "Get as far away from this person as you possibly can." The trailer is not a done deal. yet. I can't even contact the lady. This is just like a soap opera. "As the fett Turns".

[shobet]

I'd be careful, but I'm a cynical cunt at the best of times.

You can talk and listen all you want on this board, but <cliché>it's your call at the end of the day</cliché>.